Struggle For Perfection
by IHeartLogiebear
Summary: A broken heart should never affect someone this much. Deep down, I know that. But you know what? I don't care. I know that there is a reason she chose someone else over me...and I'm going to do whatever I can to fix the problem. Multichapter companion to Web Of Lies
1. The Breakup

**This is my Thanksgiving present to my amazing readers and reviewers:) I hope that you all have a great holiday and I hope that you enjoy this story:)**

**And there are three OC's in this story, so I've gotta tell you their celeb lookalikes:) **

**Charleigh Mitchell-Becca Tobin (plays Kitty Wilde on Glee)**

**Britney Zevon-Melissa Benoist (plays Marley Rose on Glee)**

**Maddie Stetson-Selena Gomez **

When I met Camille at the Palm Woods park to give her this promise ring, I thought she would happily accept, we would kiss, and proceed to cuddle by the lake. Instead, I find her talking to Steve, looking a little too comfortable. For a moment, I could only watch them with curiosity and a bit of hurt, but I finally get the courage to make my presence known, clearing my throat loudly.

"Logan!" She says, sounding surprised. "I didn't know that you were already here."

"What's going on?" I ask her.

"Look," Camille says, reaching for my hand. "I know that this is gonna hurt you, but I've fallen for Steve. I love you, I really do, but I need to be with someone that I have something in common with. Recently, I've started to realize that you and I just...aren't compatible anymore."

Not compatible? What the hell does she mean by that? I mean, I know what compatible means, but I don't know what Camille means when she says that we're not compatible anymore. Maybe we are more different than we are alike, but I thought opposites attract. This just doesn't make sense. Why would Camille dump me for such a ridiculous reason? Maybe that's just an excuse and there's really a different reason. Maybe I'm not attractive enough for her.

"Then I guess you don't want this." I say coldly, showing her the ring.

"Logan-" Camille says, her eyes filling with tears.

"Take it." I tell her, dropping the ring. I watch as she bends over to pick it up. "I guess you can always pretend that your new boyfriend gave it to you."

"But Logan-"

I just shake my head and turn around, walking back to my car. What did I do wrong? Why doesn't she wanna be with me anymore? I thought that we were really happy together. Of course, I suppose that it's not always a good idea to make assumptions. Just because someone seems to care doesn't always mean that they do.

Charleigh, my overprotective and occasionally bossy and spoiled twin sister, is gonna be beyond pissed. Whenever I start dating an new girl (not that I've ever had a really serious girlfriend before), the first thing she tells that girl is always something along the lines of "If you break his heart, I will break your face." Unfortunately, she has kept her promise before. One girl got a few hair extensions ripped out.

I wipe my tear filled eyes before getting into the drivers seat. I wish I could be like James. He always breaks up with the girl before she can break up with him. I should have done that with Camille. But I didn't know that she was gonna do this. I had no idea that she was gonna fall for another guy.

What does Steve have that I don't have? What does Camille like about him? Is there something I could do to become good enough for her? What can I change about myself that will get her to love me again? I know I sound desperate, but Camille is the first girl that I've ever been truly in love with...and I lost her.

The drive back to the Palm Woods is no fun at all. I'm in no mood to hear the radio blast depressing songs about love, so I don't bother with that. So I just drive in pure silence, except for the sounds of honking car horns and revving engines.

When I pull into my usual parking space, I don't get out of the car right away. I need to regain my composure before I go back to 2J. I don't wanna get any unwanted attention by looking like a miserable wreck.

Finally, I feel like I am able to stay calm, so I step out of the car, lock the vehicle, and walk toward the entrance. I'm honestly not sure if I should feel sad, hurt, or angry. Maybe I'm all three of those things. I guess I'm worried too. There must be something about that guy that she likes better than me. My looks? My body? Is Steve more...attractive than me? I have been eating more lately, but only because Gustavo is constantly yelling at us and I guess I eat when I'm nervous!

The walls inside the elevator are like mirrors, so that gives me an opportunity to check myself. Oh my god...I look awful. No wonder Camille dumped me. Who would wanna date someone like me?

Ding!

I step onto the second floor and I see Charleigh arguing with her two friends/posse, Britney Zevon and Maddie Stetson. They are two of the most annoying girls I know, but if I told them that, Britney would hit me and Maddie would probably cry. Maddie is one of those girls that can tug at heartstrings with even the slightest little whimper.

"CARLOS, I AM GONNA KILL YOU!" I hear James yell. Next thing I know, I am jumping out of the way as Carlos runs out of the apartment screaming with James chasing him. Then Kendall steps into the hallway, rubbing his temples.

"What was that?" I ask him.

"Carlos dropped James's lucky comb in the toilet." Kendall says, moving out of the way as James chases Carlos in the other direction. "How did your date go?"

"Let's just say that we are no longer are a couple." I grumble, leaning against the wall. I look over at Charleigh, whose head snaps in my direction as soon as I speak. Once I tell her what happened, I'm certain that Camille will be on her "list." That means that she and Camille will no longer be on good terms. Any time someone breaks my heart, she's ready to make their lives a living hell.

She clears her throat before speaking. "Excuse me? What happened?"

"I arrived at the park, Steve was there with Camille, and I found out that Camille has fallen for him. So we broke up." I say calmly.

"Alright, my foot is going up someone's ass-"

"Your foot is gonna do no such thing." I say sternly.

"When I'm sad, I think about kittens." Maddie says quietly. Charleigh and Britney shoot her their famous "just how dumb are you?" faces before looking at me. I roll my eyes and give Charleigh a warning look, wanting to make sure that she knows how I feel about using violence to solve problems. Since we're here with Mama Knight and not our mom, I have to scold Charleigh when she needs it. I'm, like, five minutes older than her so I guess I'm suppose to be more mature.

"I guess I need to take care of this." Kendall says before grabbing James, holding him back.

"Will you calm down? It's just a stupid comb." Charleigh says, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder.

"It's my _lucky _comb!"

"I'm gonna get ready for bed." I say quietly, walking into the apartment. I get a plain white T shirt, a black hoodie, and some red basketball shorts before walking into the restroom. I shut the door behind me and take my shirt off, looking at my reflection in the mirror. I lightly pinch some skin on my stomach, cringing. I've definitely gotta cut down, just a little bit.

Next, I take my jeans off and step onto the scale. Oh my...175? What the...Ugh, that's not good. I mean, I suppose it's a normal weight for a seventeen year old guy, but it doesn't look so good on me. Just a few weeks ago, I weighed ten pounds less than this. I'll start eating less sweets, replace that with healthier foods, and start exercising more. That'll work, right?

I step off the scale, proceeding to brush my teeth, take a quick shower, and get changed into my nighttime clothes. I start to leave the restroom afterwards, but I find myself leaning against the wall and staring at my reflection for a long time. That is, until someone knocks on the door.

"Hey, I need to brush my teeth!" Kendall's eleven year old sister, Katie, announces.

"Alright, I'm out." I say calmly.

"James, I'm sure it was an accident." Mama Knight says, giving James and Carlos a nice, long lecture. She has to do that quite often. I'm glad I usually don't have to be a part of it. Usually is the key word here. I have been dragged into some of my friends schemes before, only for the four of us to get lectured by Mama Knight later on.

I quietly walk past the living room and into my shared bedroom with Charleigh, who is already in bed, chatting on the phone with Wayne Wayne of all people. I, and the guys, personally couldn't stand him, but Charleigh thinks that he's incredibly sexy so she decided that she wanted him for herself. Once he apologized for lying about his background (His real name is Wally Dooley and he lived in a mansion in Dallas), she gave him another chance. Every time she brings him over and starts flirting with him, I want to barf.

"Let me guess." I say coolly. "Wayne Wayne?"

"Aww, he called me his little 'Honey Boo Boo'." Charleigh coos. "Isn't that sweet?"

"He got your nickname from a reality show about a seven year old beauty queen?" I snort, crawling into bed. "How amusing."

"It's cute!" She retorts, throwing a pillow at me. Is it bad that I find amusement in pissing her off? It's just so hilarious because she has this fiery little temper. When she gets really mad, her face gets all red and her eyes start looking like they're gonna pop out of her head. Hey, I'm her brother. It's my job to be annoying.

"And didn't Mom tell you to stop dating punks?" I question.

"When have I ever listened to a word that she says?"

"Well...never."

"Exactly."

"One day, that's all gonna come back to bite you in the rear end."

"Jerk."

"Blonde skank."

"Dork."

"Psycho."

"Suck up."

"I'm going to sleep now." I chuckle, turning the lamp off. "Good night."

* * *

"Char, do you want this comb?" James cringes, looking at the black piece of plastic that was previously in the toilet.

"Ew, no!"

"James, Mama Knight washed it for you, so it should be okay." I say carefully.

"Yeah, but it still doesn't feel right using something that was soaked in toilet water." James says, slowly putting the comb down. I take my bowl of oatmeal to the table and sit between Charleigh and Kendall, eating silently. I didn't sleep so well last night. All I could think about was Camille and that...jerk she likes so much. Well, she'll soon be wanting me back. I may not be good enough for her now, but I can fix that. I just need to get in shape.

"Hey, I'm still gonna have that talk with Camille." Charleigh reminds me.

"Char-"

"You kids need to finish up." Mama Knight tells us. "School starts at eight."

We started out going to the the Palm Woods School, here at the hotel, then Gustavo and Kelly discovered a better school closer to the studio. Hollywood Academy is really cool. We've all been enjoying it a lot. The teachers are great, there are plenty of fun extracurriculars, and for the most part, the students are really nice. Well, most of them. Charleigh and her fellow glee club members can be a bit snobbish, but they aren't too bad. Besides, I'm never afraid to tell my sister off if I need to.

"Guess who plans on visiting me at lunch today?" Charleigh says cheerfully.

"I think we already know." Kendall says flatly.

"What's the matter, Kendork? Are you jealous?"

"No way." Kendall says smoothly. Charleigh gives him a smirk and I have to hold back my laughter. I love my sister and my friends to death and I know I shouldn't find it funny when they argue or tease each other, but their banter is hilarious.

"Are you mad because my brother looks better in a sweater vest than you do?"

"Don't bring me into this!" I say as I quickly finish the oatmeal, walking to the kitchen. I can't say that anyone in this apartment is normal, but I guess they're pretty cool. If they weren't a little crazy, this place wouldn't be as much fun.

* * *

**Please leave me some nice reviews! I love getting them, they make me smile, and...yeah, I enjoy them a lot:P**


	2. Adjustments Needed

The front schoolyard is busy as usual. Everyone is standing in their certain group, chatting about whatever. I don't talk to most of these people, but it is kind of interesting to watch them.

I've never really been jealous of the jocks before, today I feel a bit envious. They're all the kind of guys that are naturally good looking, which sucks for me because I'll probably never be like that.

"Are you done?" I question.

Charleigh takes a deep breath and nods. "Yep!"

We walk into the school, heading down the hallway to our lockers. Well, most of us. Charleigh stops walking to observe Camille as she and Steve enter the auditorium. My heart sinks, but I'm more concerned about what Charleigh might do.

"I'll be right back." She says coolly, following the new couple.

"And so will I." I murmur, following her. I stop walking as she walks into the auditorium, peeking inside.

"Camille!" Charleigh calls out with false cheer.

"Ch-Charleigh?" Camille stutters.

"Who-" Steve tries to interrupt.

"Logan's sister." Camille explains. Gosh, it sickens me to see her sitting so close to him. I have to get her back because I cannot stand the thought of losing the first girl I've ever loved.

"Steve, could you give us a moment alone?" Charleigh asks. Steve is quick to go backstage, leaving my sister and ex girlfriend alone.

"Camille, do you know what happens to people that hurt my brother?"

I don't understand why she insists on using threats as a form of intimidation. Anytime someone makes her angry, confronting that person almost always involves at least one threat.

"Do I wanna know?"

"It doesn't matter because I'm gonna tell you anyway."

Another eye roll from me. I think I need to put a leash on the girl.

"I care about Logan very much and when someone hurts him, they're making a BIG mistake."Charleigh explains. "Logan loved you, Camille. He still does. You broke his heart and I don't like that. So you're on my list. And being on my list isn't a good thing."

With that, she begins walking toward the double door entrance, heading in my direction. I'm upset too, but I think she needs to calm her temper a bit.

* * *

During study hall, I go to the library and look up dieting on the computer. Just tips on what to eat and what not to eat. According to the internet, the oatmeal I ate this morning was safe.

"Dude, Carlos is chewing on my nerves." James complains as he sits next to me.

"You guys need to cool it." I say, closing the internet. I'm not really in any mood to deal with anyone else's problems. I don't do well under pressure. Besides, handling problems is Kendall's thing.

"Carlos is the one that-"

"Jay, I'll see you at lunch." I say, shutting the computer down and quietly exiting the library.

* * *

"How can she stand that guy?" Carlos questions, watching Charleigh flirt with Wayne Wayne in a corner. Britney is arguing with Dak over the phone and Maddie is staring at me with a dreamy smile. Charleigh doesn't know this, but I think that Maddie is obsessed with me.

"Logan, are you gonna finish that?" Carlos asks, reaching for the half eaten corn dog on my plate. I'm not planning on finishing it, so I let Carlos have it.

"You know, I think that Charleigh should dump Wayne Wayne and date me instead." James says, watching my sister and her boyfriend. I can't help but shoot him a weird look.

"I don't think you're her type." I say, shaking my head.

"Yeah? Let's find out." James says, getting out of his seat. Ugh, I don't know what to do with him sometimes. He insists that Charleigh will come to her senses and fall madly in love with him.

I highly doubt that it'll ever happen.

Once Wayne Wayne has left the cafeteria, James walks over to Charleigh and throws his arm over her shoulders, saying something to her.

"He's gonna embarrass himself." Carlos sings.

"Shhh!" I whisper, watching one of my best friends hit on my sister. It's both weird and amusing at the same time.

Charleigh gives James a look and removes his arm from her shoulders, responding to his likely flirtatious words.

I knew that it wouldn't go well for him.

"Jamie boy, she doesn't want you!" Britney calls out before continuing her conversation with her brother. As James walks back in our direction, he lightly slaps the back of Britney's head.

"Man, she can be a-"

"Language, Mr. Diamond." Our math teacher says sternly as he walks past us.

Wayne Wayne returns to the cafeteria and I am so relieved that he didn't catch James hitting on his girlfriend. The last thing James needs is to get pounded into a pulp. Anyway, I glance back over at Camille and Steve, who are all over each other. Yeah, her ex boyfriend is in the room, we just broke up yesterday, and she still insists on acting all lovey dovey with her new guy. What happened to her? I always thought that she was crazy, but really sweet. She seemed to care about people's feelings too. It doesn't seem like that today, though.

"I'm way better looking than Wayne Wayne." James grumbles, crossing his arms.

"Maybe so, but I think Charleigh has a thing for bad boys." Kendall informs him. I have to say that I agree with him. We all hate it, but Charleigh seems attracted to boys in backwards caps, leather jackets, and those that own a motorcycle. I think she should find someone that isn't going to end up in prison someday, but she never listens when I tell her that. She's completely defiant when it comes to anyone's suggestions. The only time she'll willingly take advice is when she's at the mall with her friends and can't decide between the blue dress or the pink one.

"Does that mean I should start wearing leather?" James asks curiously. We all choose not to respond to that.

"No PDA, Miss Mitchell!" Another teacher scolds as Charleigh and Wayne Wayne start to get a little too affectionate.

"I'm gonna go to the restroom." I announce before getting up and exiting the cafeteria. I quietly enter the restroom and approach a mirror. I have never been like James, who obsesses over his appearance every waking moment. However, I'm starting to think that I should pay a little more attention to how I look. After all, my appearance could definitely use some improvement. It shouldn't be that hard to fix, right? I mean, it's not like I weight 300 pounds. I just need to make a few adjustments.

* * *

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	3. Obsessed

174.5

Are you kidding me? I've only lost half a pound? Ugh, I never knew how frustrating dieting could be. I mean, I understand that it takes time to lose weight, but this is just ridiculous. I had orange juice and oatmeal for breakfast, then a carton of milk and a corn dog for lunch. I can't expect to lose ten pounds in less than 24 hours, but I'm just dying to see some real progress. I guess I've always been a little impatient.

I step off the scale and grab my jeans and T shirt, slipping them back on. I look at my reflection in the bath, then exit the bathroom. The guys are down at the pool and Mama Knight took Katie to the mall, so I can burn off some calories. I head back to my room and throw on some basketball shorts and a T shirt. I guess i'll start off with some sit-ups. I would go to the gym, but I'm still figuring out how I can do that without raising any suspicions.

I lay on the floor and put my hands under my head, slowly lifting my upper body. Back in Minnesota, we had to do exercises like this for hockey, so I'm use to working out. Of course, I haven't worked out in a while, so I guess I'm a little out of shape. Wow, I'm getting that burning feeling in my stomach, but I keep going.

After just a few minutes, my body feels like it's on fire and I fall back, staring up at the ceiling. If I'm gonna shed that extra weight I've put on, I'll have to work much harder than this. Maybe I should go for a swim. Swimming is good for weight loss, right?

I change into some swim shorts and another T shirt, grabbing a beach bag and exiting the apartment.

I usually go shirtless when swimming, but I leave it on this time. I drop my bag onto a lawn chair, then I get into the pool. I stand still for a moment until the water warms up, then I begin swimming. Damn, I wish I could take a nap, but everyone would be paranoid because I don't usually take naps during the day. I don't want anyone knowing about my diet because I know how overprotective the guys can be.

"Hey, you finally decided to join us!" Kendall says as I swim over to him and the guys.

"I got lonely in the apartment." I respond.

"Why are you wearing a shirt in the water?" Carlos asks me.

"I just wanted to." I shrug. Kendall and James look apprehensive, but Carlos seems to accept my reply. Well, it's true. I just wanted to wear my shirt today. Plenty of people wear shirts in the water. I'm not doing anything unusual.

"You seem like you're doing pretty good." James tells me. "You know, considering that your girlfriend dumped you."

I give him a deadpan look. I had sort of managed to distract myself from that, but I should have known that someone would remind me. Well, I've made a decision. I'm going to make myself look amazing, then Camille is gonna want me back and when she tries to get me back, I'm gonna say "too late!"

"Jay, I don't think he wants to talk about that." Kendall says, giving me an awkward smile. I sigh and turn around, swimming away. You know, I've got a headache, so maybe I will go take that nap. I could definitely use one right now. I'm sure I'll feel much better once I've gotten some rest. Right now, I'm not in such a great mood.

"Hey, where are you going?" Charleigh asks as I start walking toward the entrance.

"Back to the apartment." I say quietly before going to the elevator. I look at myself in the mirror like walls, frowning. It'll be nice to see some progress. I'm not pleased that I've only lost half a pound, but i'm sure I'll start to notice a difference in a few days. I guess patience is important, so I'm trying. Not very hard, but I'm trying.

* * *

When I wake up, the first thing I do is look at the clock. Whoa, it's already five thirty. I must have slept for at least an hour.

"You're awake!" Mama Knight exclaims. "I made spaghetti."

"Um, sure." I say, getting off the couch. I stretch, then I follow Mama Knight into the kitchen, where she begins filling a plate with the delicious pasta. While she's doing that, I check the amount of calories in spaghetti on my phone. According to the internet, spaghetti has at least 323.4 calories. That seems like a lot, but I guess I can exercise the calories off. One plate of spaghetti won't hurt, right?

"What do you want to drink, sweetie?" Mama Knight asks.

"I'll just have some water." I say politely, getting a water bottle from the fridge. We walk to the dining table where everyone else is sitting. I take a seat next to Charleigh and Mama Knight puts my plate in front of me. I begin eating silently, feeling guilty every time I take a bite. If I thought I was huge before, this is gonna destroy me.

"James, will you stop staring at me like a pervert?" Charleigh asks calmly.

"Hey, don't get mad at me." James says defensively. "Start wearing a burlap sack and _maybe _you'll be a little less appealing."

I've gotta do something to help him get over his obsession with Charleigh. He knows that she's not interested, but he insists that she'll want him someday. I hate to crush his little fantasy, but I think it'll be hard for him to get Charleigh interested. She's a tough nut to crack. Unless he starts wearing a leather jacket and gets a couple of tattoos, he'll have a hard time getting her to date him. I would prefer for her to date James over Wayne Wayne, but she doesn't really have a normal taste in guys. Sometimes it worries me.

"Mama Knight, can I finish the rest of this later?" I ask, taking a small sip of my water. "I'm not feeling so good."

"Sure, honey." She says, taking my plate to the kitchen. I fake a cough as I get out of my seat, trudging to my (and Charleigh's) room. I grab my laptop and sit on the bed, clicking into the internet. I can probably find some good diet tips. I could use some of those right now. I found a whole list of nonfattening foods, so I bookmarked that.

As I am doing this research, I find a website that I'm not too familiar with. It's one of those "thinspiration" sites. I've heard of these kinds of sites before, but I've never visited one. I must say that I'm curious, so I click into it. Oh my gosh...all the pictures are of girls. I don't want to be _that _skinny. I just want to be fit like other guys my age.

**Someone wants to chat**

I frown and click on the little chat window at the bottom of the screen, opening it.

_Is anyone there?_

I've never liked the idea of talking to strangers online, but maybe this wouldn't hurt. So I type a response.

**_Yeah_**

_Are you gonna tell me your name? :P_

**_Logan:) Your name?_**

_Sarah_

**_Cute name:) I've always liked it_**

_I've always thought Logan was really cute too_

**_So...why are you on this site?_**

_I recently came to the realization that I am a disgusting, fat cow. So I decided that I need to lose a few pounds. What about you?_

**_My girlfriend ditched me for another guy and I think it happened because I am the size of a whale and she probably wants someone more attractive_**

_I'm sure that's not true:) Do you have a Scuttlebutter account?_

**_Yeah, just search for Logan Mitchell:) How about you?  
_**

_Sarah Grace:) I prefer not to put my last name_

I open up another window and go to Scuttlebutter. I type Sarah Grace into the search bar. Wow, there's a lot of people with that name. I guess I'll have to ask her to be more specific. Maybe she can describe her profile pic for me.

**_I'm looking you up right now. Could you describe your profile pic for me? There's more than one Sarah Grace_**

_I'm wearing a purple evening gown, standing in front of a white backdrop with Prom 2011 written in big silver letters:) Now, what does your pic look like?_

**_I'm wearing black pants, a black and red jacket, a black baseball cap, and I'm onstage:)_**

_A performer:) I like_

I chuckle as I finally find her profile, clicking into it. Whoa, she's really cute. She looks like she's really sweet too. And she's located in LA! Maybe we can meet up sometimes. Well, I won't ask her now. After all, we don't even know each other and I really don't wanna creep her out. I can send her a friend request, though. She sounds like a really cool girl.

_Just found your profile! You're really cute3_

**_So are you:P_**

_Look, I've gotta go, but I just accepted your friend request, so maybe we can talk again sometimes_

**_I would like that:)_**

Well, I now know someone who has the same goals as I do. My friends are great, but I don't think they would understand why I want to lose weight. They would accuse me of being "ridiculous" and "delusional." Recognizing my imperfections is not considered "delusional." I am simply accepting that changes need to be made. Nothing wrong with that, right?

"If you're not feeling well, why aren't you getting ready for bed?" Charleigh asks suspiciously, standing in the doorway.

"I just needed to sit on my comfy bed for a little bit." I say nonchalantly, clicking out of the internet and closing the laptop.

"Still depressed about Camille? Because I'll beat the crap out of her if she gets anywhere near you."

"Char, go brush your teeth and take a bath." I say, pushing her toward the bathroom. I place a short kiss on her cheek before she shuts the door. She is the last person that needs to know what I'm thinking. She's more overprotective of me than the guys are. She may be a self absorbed, temperamental psycho sometimes, but she isn't self absorbed when it comes to me.

"You should be getting ready for bed too." Mama Knight tells me, leading me back to the bedroom.

"Okay." I say quietly, smiling softly as she kisses my cheek. Once she's gone, I shut the door and look through my closet for some clothes to change into. I think I'll go with sweatpants and my Batman T shirt tonight.

Five minutes later, I'm under my covers, trying to fall asleep. I lay there for several minutes before I hear Charleigh enter the room. I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep as she leans over to kiss my cheek, whispering "I love you, bro" in my ear before climbing into her own bed.

* * *

The next time I wake up, it's only two fifteen in the morning. I don't feel so tired anymore, so I think I'll go down to the weight room.

I'm too lazy to change into a different T shirt, but I do change from my sweatpants into a pair of basketball shorts. I grab my key to the apartment off my bedside table and quietly sneak out of the apartment. I practically run to the elevator, presses the lobby button. I do feel kind of bad for sneaking around, but the last thing I need is for people to be criticizing me for wanting to lose a few pounds.

The weight room is quiet and empty. I flip the switch, turning the lights on. I get onto the treadmill and press a few buttons, starting it up. Then I begin walking in place, keeping my eyes on my reflection in the mirror. I can't wait until I finally start looking a little better than I do. I'll hopefully start noticing a difference in the next few weeks.

* * *

**The next chapter of Death Trap 2 will be posted later:) It's Thanksgiving (by the way, Happy Thanksgiving!) AND I have homework**

**Review! :D**


	4. Some Secrets Are Meant To Be Kept

Meeting up with a random stranger from the internet? Not something I normally do, but after a week of talking over Scuttlebutter, Sarah and I decided to meet face to face. By the way, the guys must have seen that I added another friend and I had to lie and tell them that she's "just a fan." They would freak if they knew the truth about how I met her. There is absolutely no way that I can tell them my secret.

Considering that Sarah and I are both on serious diets, we obviously couldn't meet up at a restaurant. So I told her to meet me at the Palm Woods park. I told her that I would be by the lake, so she'll hopefully be here soon. I've seen her Scuttlebutter pictures and none of the girls around her look anything like her. I can't wait until she gets here, though.

I finally get a glimpse of her (or someone that looks like her) entering the park. She looks even cuter in person. I use to love when Camille wore sundresses. Sarah's dress is blue, which is one of my favorite colors. During one of our nightly chat sessions this week, she mentioned that her favorite color is red. She even likes hockey! Well, she doesn't care for playing it, but she said that she enjoys watching hockey games on TV. She tried playing with her older brother one time and she got knocked out. The poor girl had to be taken to the hospital to get her head checked out.

She finally notices me and I give her a smile, waving at her. She waves back as she walks over to me. I jump to my feet, watching as she walks in my direction.

"You finally showed up!" I say.

"I had a little trouble finding the place." She explains, reaching out to hug me. "Wow, you are really cute in person."

I hate blushing, but I can't help it. I have a tendency to be a bit shy and if a girl compliments me, my cheeks get a little bit red. It's kind of embarrassing, but it's not like I have any control over it. I was the same way with Camille at first, but it got better as we got to know each other. I'm sure that it'll be the same way with Sarah.

"Hey, I wanna show you something!" She says, reaching into her purse. We sit on the grass and she hands me a pink notebook. I open it to the first page, reading it carefully. It's a food diary. I give her a curious look before I continue reading. She only had an apple and some water this morning. I don't know if Mama Knight would let me get away with eating such a small amount of food.

"My mom wasn't home that morning, so it wasn't hard to get away with." She tells me. I turn the to the next page, frowning. This was written just a few days ago. She only had a glass of orange juice and a single waffle. Then she had a ham sandwich and some water for lunch. That night, she ate some pork chops, corn, mashed potatoes, and sweet tea for dinner, but she wrote that she purged. I know what purging is and it's not a good thing.

"You threw up dinner the other night?" I question.

"I only do it if I eat too much." She explains. "You know, when I have no choice but to eat something."

I shrug and close the notebook, handing it back to her. I want to lose weight as badly as she does, but I don't think I could ever go as far as making myself throw up. There is a small part of me that wonders how effective it would be, but I know how dangerous it is. I couldn't imagine going that far. At least I don't think I could.

"When my mom goes to the trouble to fix a huge dinner, I know I can't just not eat it." She tells me. "So I eat what she puts in front of me, then I throw it up. I feel kind of bad, but I would rather feel guilty than fat."

I don't know what to say, so I just sit silently. What am I suppose to do? I desperately need to lose the weight I've gained, but the thought of forced vomiting freaks me out. I'm gonna weigh myself when I get home, then I'll decide if that'll be necessary. Last time I weighed myself (this morning), I was 170.5 pounds. I'm not where I wanna be, but I'll get there. After all, I've been exercising like crazy. After I ate the rest of Mama Knight's spaghetti, I went down to the weight room for two hours.

"I just exercise the weight off." I reply.

"I guess that works too." Sarah shrugs.

I nod silently, looking out at the water. I'm still trying to figure this out. I've been avoiding the school cafeteria for the past week, claiming that I wanna study for our upcoming science test, but I know that the guys and Charleigh are gonna start getting suspicious. Since the test is on Monday, I won't be able to use the "studying" excuse after that, so I'll need to return to eating in the cafeteria. And I don't know if I'll be able to use the school weight room. Gosh, I've gotta come up with a plan to keep from regaining the four and a half pounds I lost.

"What school do you go to?" I ask her.

"Hollywood Academy."

"Hey, that's where I go!" I say, surprised. I've never seen her before. I guess we have different schedules.

"I guess we've never seen each other because we have different schedules and I avoid the cafeteria at all costs."

"Yeah." I nod in agreement. "Maybe we should hang out more."

"Yeah." Sarah agrees. I don't expect her to rest her head on my shoulder, but she does. Whoa, I wasn't expecting us to get this close on the first...well, I don't know if I would call it a date, but I guess we can call it an outing. We're friends and we're hanging out, but we're not dating. Gosh, I suck with words. I couldn't even ask Camille to the school dance at first.

"You wanna work out together some time?" I ask her.

"That sounds great." Sarah smiles, kissing my cheek. She's more affectionate than Camille is. I wasn't expecting that at all. Then again, I wasn't expecting Camille to dump me either. You can't always make assumptions. One mistake I've made is assuming something about someone before I get to know them. I thought Camille cared about me, but I learned otherwise.

* * *

"Hey, where have you been?" Kendall asks when I enter 2J.

"Out." I say nonchalantly. Sarah and I went for a long walk around the park. I'd rather not explain to Kendall why I went to the park instead of Starbucks. The last thing I need is him getting all suspicious for no reason. He tends to do that sometimes. One time, back in Minnesota, there was a hockey game and I was feeling sick, but I went to the game anyway because I didn't wanna let the team down. Well, I didn't get away with playing because Kendall figured it out. I knew he was already suspicious, but I tried to hide it.

"Where?" He asks slowly.

"To the park." I explain. "I was meeting a friend."

"The girl from Scuttlebutter?" James questions.

"Yep." I reply, walking into the restroom. I shut the door, lock it (I don't want anyone walking in), and take my jacket, T shirt, and shorts off. Not as much progress as I had hoped to make this week. I guess I'll have to try a little harder. Let's see what the scale says.

170 pounds. Better, but not enough. I must say, I enjoy seeing that number go down each day. It shows that, while I am not exactly where I want to be, I'm getting there.

"Hey, I'm gonna go downstairs for a little bit!" I say, slipping my clothes back on. My stomach growls, but I ignore it. I can handle a little hunger. I just have to remind myself how good i'm gonna feel when I lose all that weight.

"Okay!" Mama Knight replies. I quickly exit the apartment, heading down to the weight room. When I get there, I am so relieved that it's completely empty. I like to exercise alone.

I slip on a pair of boxing gloves and go to the punching bag. I could stand to unleash my pent up frustrations. I've been in a pretty lousy mood this week. I need to take my anger out on this punching bag, instead of an actual person. The last thing I need is to get in trouble for trying to pound Steve into a pulp.

I throw a hard punch at the bag and when I notice how good it feels, I throw more punches. That is, until I hear a certain method actress say my name.

"Logan?"

I turn around to face Camille, crossing my arms.

"Shouldn't you be busy with your new boyfriend?" I say bitterly before throwing another punch at the bag.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me, but I just want you to listen." She says, putting her hand on my shoulder. I cross my arms, refusing to look at her. I just can't bring myself to get over the fact that we broke up after I spent hundreds of dollars on a promise ring. She isn't even wearing it! I wasted my money on a relationship that wasn't gonna last. I feel so stupid.

"Just say whatever you wanna say, then leave." I grumble.

"I still love you, okay? But I also don't feel like we're meant to be a couple." Camille tries to explain. "We need to be with people we have something in common with. Over the past couple of months, I've realized that we're two completely different people. It's okay to have some differences, but not so many that we can't get along."

"So we had a few arguments! That happens to every couple!" I say defensively. I'm pretty sure that there's nothing wrong with being a little different.

"Yeah, but I don't wanna be in an on again/off again relationship." Camille says. Okay, we did have an on again/off again relationship, but it wasn't so bad. We always loved making up. I guess she got tired of it, though.

"I get it." I say, turning to face the punching bag again. "Just forget about it."

I soon hear the door opening and closing, which means that I am alone again.

* * *

"Who wants something to eat?" Mama Knight asks later. Everyone runs to the kitchen except for me. My eyes are glued on my science book. "Logan, are you gonna get something to eat?"

What am I suppose to say?

"I'm not hungry right now." I lie. "I'll eat before bed."

"Um, okay." Mama Knight says carefully. I breathe a sigh of relief, really glad that she bought it. I hate lying, but I kind of have to. No one would understand why I have to lose this weight. Therefore, I have to keep my diet a secret. If they knew what I'm doing, they would never leave me alone. They wouldn't understand that I _have_ to lose the weight. Again, I don't love keeping secrets from my loved ones, but some secrets are meant to be kept.

* * *

**The next chapter of Death Trap 2 will be posted later today:) There's lots of exciting stuff coming up in that story**

**And lots of angst and drama in this one! :D**

**Review! :D**


	5. Liar Liar

"Hey, you want something out of the snack machine? I'm thinking pretzels." I say at lunch on Monday. I am starving, so I figure that a small bag of pretzels won't hurt. I am about to put a dollar in the machine, but Sarah is quick to grab my wrist, as if to prevent me from ruining my diet.

"There are 110 calories in that one bag." She warns me. I eye the bag for a moment before stuffing the dollar bag into my wallet. I guess she's right. I weigh 167 pounds now and even 110 calories would probably be enough to mess that up. I definitely have to be careful if I don't want to gain all that weight back. I mean, I do feel kind of weird about this dieting thing, but it obviously needs to happen.

"We still have thirty minutes until our next classes, so I was thinking that we could go for a walk." She reaches for my hand. No, we're not dating, but we do things like holding hands and hugging. It feels weird to be this close to someone that I've only known for a little for a little more than a week, but I don't mind it all. She's smart, she's pretty, and she's pleasant to be around. Oh, and she doesn't try to argue over stupid things.

"Hey, why aren't you in the-oh..." Carlos stops when he sees our intertwined fingers, a knowing smile on his face. "I see what's going on here."

How do I explain to him that Sarah is not my girlfriend? He's basically a four year old in a seventeen year old's body. It's almost kind of sad, but that's not the issue here. Of course, I guess the girlfriend thing could be used as an excuse for why I wasn't at lunch. I wonder if Sarah will be okay with pretending to be my girlfriend.

"Yeah, we were gonna go to the cafeteria, but we decided that we just wanted to be alone." Sarah says with a fake smile. "We just got snacks from the machine."

"Okay! Charleigh and the rest of us was just a little worried." Carlos responds. I smile nervously as one of my best friends walks back to the cafeteria. My smile fades. I don't know how Carlos can trust me so well. Sarah and I just lied to his face. What kind of friend am I? But the weight...I need to drop those extra pounds.

"Come on." Sarah pulls me down the hallway and out the back door. I guess walking is good for burning calories. I think Mama Knight and Charleigh are suspicious about my constant trips to the gym and weight room, and my excuses to get out of eating, but they seem like they buy it for the most part. I don't know what I would do if they found out.

"You do realize that, from now on, we're gonna have to act like a couple in front of them, right?" I say as she lets go of my hand.

"I am aware of that." Sarah replies. "And I don't mind at all."

We walk toward the football field, which is a great place to be when you want a little privacy. It's either this or the gym and right now, I feel like being outdoors. It's relaxing and I don't have to watch Camille and Steve act all in love with each other. That's another thing that is motivating me to keep this diet going. Soon I'll be better looking than Steve and Camille _will _want me back, but as I've said before, I'll let her know that it's too late.

"Just out of curiosity, how much do you weigh?" I've always felt that it's not polite to ask about someone's weight, but Sarah and I agreed that it's okay to ask about each other's weight loss. She knows how much I weigh!

"107." She tells me. "Hey, do you wanna hang out after school?"

"I have work." I say apologetically. "Gustavo wants us to practice the dance for a new song."

"Oh," Sarah says carefully. "I guess we could chat over Scuttlebutter later."

"Let's private message instead." I say as we walk to the top of the bleachers, sitting down. She pulls out her food diary and begins scribbling something in it, while I watch curiously. I recently started one of my own, but I didn't bring it with me. I keep it in the top drawer of my bedside table.

"Sounds good." She says absentmindedly, still concentrating on that diary. I don't really have anything to write down in mine today, except for the blueberry muffin that I ate this morning. Other than that, I haven't eaten a thing. My stomach keeps growling, but I just have to keep reminding myself about how good I'm gonna feel when I've lost the weight.

* * *

"Dogs, you're doing it all wrong!" Gustavo shouts at us. The man has a huge anger management problem, but he always ignores our advice to go to therapy. It's too bad because it's hard to really enjoy something with someone screaming at us all the time. I can't even count the times that he has attempted to "kill" us. Also, I think James is still his least favorite. He thinks that the guy is still way too self absorbed. I guess I can't really argue with that.

"We can't concentrate with you yelling at us." Kendall says before repeating the move that Mr. X just showed us. Gustavo tries to lunge at him, but Kelly jumps on his back and stops him from moving. I would rather we just keep practicing, so we can get out of here sooner than later. This is good exercise, though. We've been here for four hours now and I'd kind of like to stay a little longer, even if the other guys want to go home.

I follow Mr. X's movements, trying to look like I know what I'm doing. I'm still not the best dancer in the band (I don't suck, but I'm not great), but I can usually fake it. That is, unless I'm really tired...like today. I guess four hours is enough for me, but I'm not sure when Gustavo plans on letting us out.

"Dogs, just go home for the day." Gustavo says, looking straight at me. "Get some rest and come back tomorrow after school. Hopefully, you won't be so terrible!"

So we grab our bags and exit the Rocque Records dance studio.

"Hey, Griffin just walked in." Carlos says, looking back at the dance studio. He probably just wanted to announce that he needs warm pants. He obsesses over those kinds of things. It's pretty weird. I don't think I've heard of anyone being obsessed with warm pants. He also has a pet liger.

"What is he saying?" James whispers.

"Gustavo, I need to talk to you."

"About what?"

"I am concerned about Logan."

Oh, don't tell me that he somehow knows about my diet.

"What about him?"

"He's been looking a little...heavy lately." Griffin explains. "Fans prefer thin guys, so I think he needs to drop a few pounds."

I don't want to cry in front of the guys, so I'm holding back tears. Even Griffin thinks I'm too fat. BTR fans probably feel the same way. I guess I definitely need to be try a little harder on this diet. I definitely don't want the fans to think that I'm a disgusting pig. I've seen young BTR fans talk about how "cute" I am, but I guess pudgy can be considered cute. Well, if that's what they're thinking, then I don't wanna be "cute." I wanna be good looking like James.

"Logan-" James starts to say.

"I think I'll just take a cab back to the Palm Woods." I whisper, walking back down the hallway.

Will I ever be good enough?

* * *

**_He said that?_**

_Yeah, I guess I'm too fat for our fans_

**_That sucks:(_**

_Yeah. Hey, I'm gonna go to bed, but I'll see you tomorrow at school_

**_Okay:)_**

I close my laptop and place it on the bedside table. Looking at the alarm clock, I see that it's one thirty in the morning. My stomach growls and I glance over at Charleigh anxiously. Getting out of bed, I sneak out of the room and to the kitchen. What can I eat that won't cause me to gain weight?

On second thought, there is one way I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight, but it's not exactly a safe thing to do. I guess I could try it, though. Just one time! I'll do it once and never do it again.

So I grab Mama Knight's plate of snickerdoodles, a couple slices of pizza, a slice of pumpkin pie, and three jalapeno kolaches before grabbing a fork and sitting on the kitchen floor. I begin eating. Well, more like completely stuffing my face. I hate myself for doing this, but I'll fix it in just a few minutes. Then I'll be okay, right? I won't have to worry about gaining those pounds back.

I keep eating until I start to feel nauseous. I cough quietly, taking the plate of snickerdoodles and the plate of kolaches, putting them back in the refrigerator. Then I quietly make my way to the restroom, closing the door and locking it. I drop to my knees in front of the toilet, emptying my stomach. Okay, so I didn't force myself to do this. I guess I have no reason to feel guilty. I can understand if I forced myself to throw up, but I didn't.

"Logan?"

Crap, it's Charleigh.

"You okay? I heard vomiting."

"Yeah." I groan. "I guess I'm not feeling so good."

"Well, lay back down and get some rest." She tells me. I flush the toilet and walk to the sink, splashing some water on my face. Ugh, my eyes are watering. I don't know what to do. What if Charleigh (or someone else) gets suspicious? Currently, my worst fear is that my secret will be discovered. I can't let that happen.

"You don't look so good." She says when I open the door.

"I told you I don't feel good." I say weakly, returning to our room.

* * *

"Sweetie, you should eat something." Mama Knight says, touching my shoulders.

"Yeah, who cares what Griffin thinks?" Katie agrees.

I reluctantly pick up the Fudge Pop Tart, nibbling on it. I'm not in the best mood today and I would prefer not to eat a thing, but I have to eat for show. If I don't eat, everyone might find out what I've been doing. I've gotta do everything I can to keep this a secret. The thought of having everyone know just terrifies me. They would try to stop me and I don't want anyone telling me what to do with my body. After all, it's my body.

"You guys should come to Glee Club rehearsal on Friday." Charleigh says, sipping from her glass of orange juice. "We're preparing for an upcoming competition in San Diego."

"Yeah, maybe we'll check it out." I say, eating the rest of the Pop Tart and drinking the rest of my orange juice. Mama Knight ushers us toward the door and I nearly trip, but I get out the door without hitting the ground. I casually pull out my phone and text Sarah. We plan on meeting in the gym during lunch.

_Still meeting in the gym at lunchtime?_

**_Of course:)_**

I keep from smiling, even though I really want to. I feel like Sarah is the only person that really understands. If anyone else knew what I'm doing, they would criticize me for it, but Sarah doesn't. She supports me. As much as I love Charleigh and the guys, I also need someone that really understands why I'm doing this. Sarah is that understanding person in my life.

* * *

**I think you'll like the next chapter of Death Trap 2;) Some interaction between Cat and Molly:) That will be posted today as well**

**And I hope you enjoyed this chapter of Struggle For Perfection! **

**Review! :D**

**PS: Sarah's celeb lookalike is Lulu Antariska (from How To Rock)**


	6. Hiding The Truth

I know I should be paying attention to the glee club rehearsal, but I'm sitting way in the very back of the auditorium with Sarah, watching some funny videos on Youtube. My stomach keeps growling, but I've gotten use to ignoring it. When I weighed myself this morning, it showed that I weigh 161 pounds. Slowly but surely, I'm losing the weight. I've eaten very little in the past few days and it seems to be helping me lose the weight.

"That's embarrassing." Sarah says, looking at her phone.

"Like your outfit?" Britney asks as she enters the auditorium. Sarah tries to get up and attack her, but I grab her before she can cause any damage to my sister's spoiled brat of a best friend. I don't understand why Charleigh picked someone like that as a friend, but I guess that's her business. Who am I to tell her who she can and can't be friends with?

"Just let it go." I say, still holding onto her arm.

"But-"

"Shhh!" I say, pointing to the stage. Charleigh and Britney's brother, Dak (star of the Varsity Vampire trilogy), are performing a cover of "Everybody Talks." I didn't really know about Charleigh's musical talent until we came to LA. Back in Minnesota, she was on the girl's hockey team. She actually lead a stampede against Kendall, James, Carlos, and I when we soaked the girl's team, just a day before we left for California.

"Woo hoo!" Maddie cheers, clapping excitedly. She is Charleigh's own personal cheerleader. To be honest, I'm not sure whether to be amused or creeped out, since she seems to have an unhealthy obsession with me. I'm sorry, but I find her...a bit weird. Yes, she's sort of cute (Carlos thinks that she's "smoking hot"), but she's definitely not normal.

"I seriously hate Britney and her stupid friends." Sarah growls.

"Um, one of her "stupid" friends is my sister." I say awkwardly.

"Oh my gosh..." Sarah gasps. "Logan, I'm-"

"But it's okay if you call Britney and Maddie stupid." I reply with a small laugh.

"Okay then!"

"Stop!" Mr. Charles, the Glee Club director, says suddenly. "Charleigh, stay there. I want you, Britney, and Maddie to practice your group song."

"Oh joy." Sarah grumbles sarcastically. I just watch Britney and Maddie join Charleigh onstage. Oh no...I watched Charleigh practice this one in her room the other day. It's the most girly, sparkly, bubblegum pop routine I think I've ever watched. The lyrics are pretty self centered too. The song is called "Too Cool." Charleigh sings lead while the other two brats sing backup, except for the third verse, which goes to Britney.

"Oh my gosh, your sister is acting like a skank up there." Dak says as he sits in the seat in front of me.

"Dude, have you seen the way Britney dances?" I ask him. Dak is a cool guy, but he has had issues with Charleigh ever since she unleashed a rabid raccoon in his room during a sleepover with Britney. He had to get a rabies shot so he wouldn't get sick. He claims that Charleigh tried to kill him. From what I've heard, he freaked out when Mr. Charles told him that he would be performing a duet with her.

"I think all three of them suck." Sarah interrupts. I shoot her a look and she shrugs. I'm not even paying that much attention. I just went from watching videos to researching diet tips. Sarah and I went to the gym yesterday. We were both exhausted afterwards, but I got plenty of rest when I got home. I think everyone was a little concerned when I announced that I was gonna take a nap, but I assured them that I was perfectly fine and that daily naps are healthy. By the way, I read online that calories are burned while sleeping!

"Here's an idea." Stephane King says as she, her best friend Jo Taylor, and Lucy Stone approach us. "Stop bashing teenage girls. They probably can't help being so ditzy. Some people are just born that way."

While they discuss that, I find myself glancing over at the guys. Carlos is eating a corn dog, James is watching Charleigh (just like I expected), and Kendall is motioning for me to sit with them. I guess I haven't been spending as much time with them lately (outside of recording and rehearsals), so I get out of my seat and walk over to them.

"You've been spending a lot of time with her lately." Kendall whispers, referring to Sarah.

"Yeah," I respond. "I really like her."

"At least you've gotten over Camille."

That's not completely true. I haven't gotten over her. But, more than anything, I'm _really _pissed off at her. She took my heart and ripped it to shreds. I don't appreciate that all. As i've stated a million times, she's gonna wish she had never dumped me. I'm not normally a vengeful person, but this is the first time that I've really had my heart broken. I'm not taking it as well as everyone thinks.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

I've never really been paranoid when it comes to Logan's girlfriends, but I am a little concerned about his relationship with Sarah. She seems like she's the controlling type. He hasn't had lunch with us in days because he's always hanging out with her. I mean, she seems cool, but not Logan's type at all. She isn't even that hot! She would be if she put on some weight, but...I don't even know. I just don't know if she's right for Logan.

"What are you looking at?" Carlos asks.

"Logan and Sarah." I reply quietly. Logan and Sarah at his locker, whispering as he puts books in his locker. She has her hand on his shoulder and they seem awfully secretive. They keep looking around, as if they don't want anyone to hear what they're talking about. What is with them? I'm sorry, but I just don't know if I'm as crazy about Sarah as Logan is. She seems like a manipulative control freak and I don't like that.

I'm glad that Logan is getting over Camille, but he could do better than Sarah. There's something really strange about her. I feel like she's got some secret that she's hiding. I don't trust her! Logan may like her, but I just don't think she's good for him.

I know I sound really paranoid and overprotective, but that's just who I am. Logan is like a little brother to to me and I don't want him to get hurt. That's why I was so peeved off at Camille. He really liked her and she broke his heart. I don't want the same thing to happen to him again. And here's an even more depressing thought. He's been spending so much time with her and I'm starting to worry that she's replacing me (as well as James and Carlos) as his best friend.

"I don't know if I like her." Carlos tells me.

"Same here." I agree.

"And what is up with them and that notebook?" Carlos asks. I watch as Logan hands a notebook to Sarah, who opens it and reads it. It's probably what they use to exchange secret love notes. Ugh, so nauseating.

"Hey, let's go and wait for him and James outside." I say as we begin walking toward the school entrance. I think I'm gonna have a talk with Logan later. He's been different lately and not really a good kind of different either. I'm not sure if it's because of Sarah or because of what Griffin said on Monday, but I have a bad feeling.

* * *

**Back to Logan's POV**

"You alright?" Kendall asks me as I crawl into bed.

"Yeah." I respond. "Why?"

"You've been...different lately." He says carefully. "I don't even remember the last time I saw you eat a full meal."

I roll my eyes as I lay down, looking up at the ceiling. Why is he being so paranoid? He's acting like I have a problem. I wanna lose some weight! What's so bad about that? Some people _need _to lose weight and I'm one of those people. I wish that Kendall understood that, but he doesn't. He never will. No one will ever understand why I have to do this. That's exactly why I have to keep it a secret.

"I'm fine." I insist. "I've just been eating at different times lately."

"You sure?" Kendall asks apprehensively.

"Yes." I say impatiently. I hate to sound like a jerk, but it's time for bed and I'm really tired. I'm not in the mood to talk about Kendall's paranoia. I just wanna get some sleep because, quite frankly, I am exhausted. Sarah and I are going to the gym tomorrow, so I need to be fully rested. I don't like being so grumpy with Kendall, but he's trying to have this conversation at the wrong time.

"I'm just worried about you." Kendall says calmly.

I sigh softly. "I know, but you don't need to be. I'm fine, okay?"

"Okay." Kendall finally says, getting up and leaving the room. I groan softly, frustrated. This is driving me crazy. He has obviously noticed my eating habits, which isn't a good thing. I have to make sure that this stays a secret. If it gets out, I'm in trouble.

* * *

"You think he's suspicious?" Sarah asks as we walk on the treadmills.

"Yeah." I say tiredly. "He even brought up my eating habits last night. I had to lie and say that I've been eating at different times than them."

"I don't see why everyone can't just leave you alone." Sarah tells me. "You're almost eighteen, which means that you're almost an adult. They can't tell you what to do with your body."

"Exactly." I agree. She's right! I am gonna turn eighteen in a couple months, so I should be able to decide what's best for me. I know what I need to do and I'm doing it. No one should try and stop me from making myself look better. I hate sounding like such a shallow person, but I just know how badly I need to lose that weight. Attractive guys do not weigh as much as I do. If I wanna be like the popular guys at school, I need to lose those extra pounds.

"My parents butt into my business too, so you're not alone." Sarah assures me, turning her treadmill off. I keep walking on mine, managing to give her a quick smile. At least she understands. Whenever either of us is frustrated about something, such as our friends and family "confronting" us about our eating, we talk to each other about it.

"How can we keep them from finding out?" I ask her.

"We'll be fine." Sarah says, reaching over to turn my treadmill off. "Hey, want some water? It helps you to feel full faster."

"Yeah." I accept a water bottle from her, taking a sip from it. I've always strongly believed in drinking lots of water and if it'll keep me from wanting to stuff my face, that's even better. I need to do all I can to keep from overeating. I love Sarah's weight loss tips. She's an expert in the weight loss department and since I'm new to the whole thing, I need someone like her. I'm not saying that's the only reason I like her, though!

"You're starting to look better." She smiles. "Just keep it up!"

"I am." I say as I pick up my gym bag. "Listen, I've gotta go home and get some homework done, but we'll try to hang out again soon, okay?"

"Sounds good!"

I give her a wave before exiting the gym, flagging down a cab. I get into the backseat and look out the window, drenched in sweat. Before I do any homework, I will definitely be taking a nice shower. I'm use to sweating because of hockey, but I always take a shower afterwards. Who wants to spend the day covered in sweat? Not me.

I hope I can get to the restroom without anyone noticing. I didn't exactly tell them where Sarah and I were going.

* * *

**School starts again tomorrow, so I'll go back to only updating Death Trap 2 daily! However, there are only a few more chapters of that left, then I'll start daily updates for Struggle For Perfection:) Until Death Trap 2 is finished, this story will probably be updated every two or three days:)**

**The next chapter of Death Trap 2 will be posted later today:)**

**Review! :D**


	7. Addicted and In Denial

**Just so you know, this chapter is full of angst!**

* * *

It has been six weeks since I started dieting and, according to the scale, I now weigh 150 pounds. I think it's broken, though. Judging by my appearance in the mirror, I haven't accomplished much. I try to eat as few calories a day as I can, but it doesn't seem to be working. I don't think I've been cutting back enough. I skipped breakfast this morning, though. Maybe I should do that more often.

"You think they're onto us?" Sarah asks tiredly as we walk down the hallway. We both came to school about thirty minutes early so we could walk. I think everyone in 2J was kind of suspicious, but I came up with another excuse. Besides, that's not exactly my main concern right now. Since we've been here, I've noticed that Sarah seems a bit...tired? Groggy? Weak? She seems different and I'm kind of worried.

"We'll be fine." I say, keeping my arm around her. What is wrong with her today? She almost looks sick, but she says she's fine every time I ask. I want to yell at her to stop lying, but I just can't bring myself to do it. She would get all cranky about it and I'm in no mood to get snapped at. I'm not feeling so great myself.

"My mom practically shoved a bagel down my throat this morning." Sarah complains. "I am so tired of her and my dad being in my business all the time."

"What did you do when your mom made you eat?"

"What I always do when I'm forced to consume unwanted calories." Sarah tells me. I know what she's talking about. For the most part, she doesn't really eat. When she does, she throws it up. I've thought about doing that, but I just don't feel comfortable with the idea of sticking my fingers down my throat. Not only does it sound dangerous, but it sounds kind of disgusting too.

"Hey, are you sure you're okay?" I ask her when she leans against the wall, closing her eyes. "You don't look so good."

"I-" Before she can say another word, she falls to the ground. No...no...oh my god, this can't be happening. I drop to my knees beside her, taking her hand in mine.

"Sarah, this isn't funny!" I yell. But she never responds. I don't even bother getting an adult to help. I just pull out my cell phone and dial 911, still holding her hand. She's never done this before and she's really scaring me. I'm not good under pressure, but I guess I have no choice but to stay calm for her.

"911! What's your emergency?" The 911 operator asks.

"I'm at Hollywood Academy and my friend just passed out!" I say in a panic. "She has a pulse, but it's really slow...and she's barely breathing. She needs help!"

"Sweetie, you need to calm down, okay?" The woman says gently. "We're gonna send out some help right away. Just stay with your friend."

"O-okay." I stammer as she hangs up. I pull Sarah into my arms, looking around the empty hallway. Sarah has to get help in order to live, but I do have a small concern. When they find out how much she weighs, what if they find out our secret? What if they tell Mama Knight? I hope that it won't happen. I'm far from being done. I have a lot more work to do if I wanna look better.

"You're gonna get help." I assure her, even though she probably can't hear me. I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life.

* * *

"Sarah's anorexic?" James questions. The doctor came in a few minutes ago to tell Sarah's parents about their daughter's condition. Apparently, she has been diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. That's ridiculous. Sarah is not anorexic. Just hearing them call her that makes me wanna punch someone. It wouldn't be a good idea to punch the doctor, though. I just can't stand hearing that word.

"Logan, did you know about this?" Kendall asks worriedly. They should be in class right now, but I guess they came here to support me. They know how close I've gotten to Sarah. I've never brought her over to 2J, though. I know they would offer her something to eat and it would just make her uncomfortable. I never wanted to do that to her.

"No, I didn't know." I growl angrily. I get up and exit the waiting room, walking down the hallway to Sarah's room in the Intensive Care Unit. I really can't believe that everyone is calling her anorexic. For the last damn time, she is not anorexic. If she was, I would no. She has the same eating habits that I do and I'm not anorexic!

At first, I can't bring myself to enter her room. She's wide awake, but she looks so weak. She doesn't even look like herself. What happened? She looked fine just a few weeks ago, but she has recently started acting...different. Lately, she has been getting tired and out of breath real easy. But every time I ask if she's okay, she says that she's fine and I've taken her word for it. Why did I believe her? Why didn't I make her go to the doctor?

I finally bring myself to go inside, shutting the door behind me. Without saying a word, I sit on the edge of her bed. I stare at her weak face for a moment, quickly looking away. This is awful. How could she end up in this position? Judging from what the doctor said, she's in pretty bad shape. If she makes it, she'll probably have to go away for a long time. I don't know if I can go without her for too long. She's the only reason I haven't had a complete nervous breakdown.

A hand gently touches my cheek, forcing my to turn my head. I look into her sickly eyes, tears filling my own.

"I think this is it." She whispers.

"No," I choke out. "Don't say that."

"I'm sorry, but I just...I don't think I can do this anymore. I think it's time for me to go home."

"Sarah!" I sob. "Stop!"

"Don't cry, hon." She says, stroking my cheek. "You'll be fine, okay? You can go on without me."

I can't believe that she thinks she's gonna die. She can't die. She's only seventeen years old and...I need her. I need her so much that it almost hurts. I don't know if i'll be able to keep my sanity without her around. Everyone else just wants to pry into my business, but Sarah cares about what I want. I don't have to be afraid of talking about weight loss in front of her. I can't tell anyone else about it and if Sarah dies, I'll have no one.

"You listen to me." I say sternly. "You are _not _going to die. You are gonna stay here with me. I need you, okay? Please don't leave me."

"You'll be fine." She says softly, giving me a gentle kiss. I feel like I'm gonna be sick. This cannot be happening. She cannot leave me.

"I need you."I whisper tearfully.

When she doesn't respond, I get scared. I take a good look at her face and I realize that her eyes are closing. Then I look at the heart monitor. It's slowing down. With every beep, it seems to get slower and slower until finally...it flatlines. I look back at Sarah, shaking my head. I grab her shoulders and give her a light shake, as if to wake her up. But she never does. She never responds to me.

"Sarah, please!" I cry out. "Don't leave!"

It's too late, though.

She's gone.

* * *

**James's POV**

When Logan emerges from Sarah's room, the look on his face speaks for him. Something bad happened to Sarah. I've never talked to the girl, but I know that Logan has been getting really close to her over the past few weeks. I don't want him to lose a good friend, even though he has me, Kendall, and Carlos. I know that Kendall isn't too crazy about Sarah, but if Logan likes her, that's what matters.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Mama Knight asks as she walks over to him, pulling him into a hug. The guys and I share worried glances as Logan starts sobbing into her shoulder. What happened? I would ask, but I can see that he's already upset enough. I guess the doctor will tell us. He just walked in...and he doesn't look too happy.

"I'm sorry." He says. "She didn't make it. Her body was just too weak."

Sarah's mom starts sobbing and her dad tears up as he holds his distraught wife. This reminds me of a girl I dated three years ago. A few months after we broke up, she died from anorexia and bulimia. I wasn't sure if I would ever recover from that. I felt like she developed the eating disorder because I broke up with her. It took forever for me to be convinced that it wasn't my fault. Now Sarah has joined the long list of people who have died from the horrible illness.

"I think we need to get you home." Charleigh says, taking her brother into her arms. Normally, I would comment on how hot she is when she isn't being a selfish skunkbag, but that's the least of my concern right now. Yeah, I'll admit that I can be self centered myself sometimes, but I'm not so selfish that I don't worry about my friends.

"Yeah, we should leave Sarah's parents alone for a while." Mama Knight agrees sadly, rubbing Logan's back.

I know Logan use to get stressed out real easy, but I don't think I've ever seen him this upset before.

* * *

**Back to Logan's POV**

"Try to eat, buddy." Kendall says, putting a slice of dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets in front of me. It's one of our favorites, but it's the last thing I want right now. I want Sarah, but she's...dead. Gosh, I can't stand putting Sarah and dead in the same sentence. And the fact that people keep saying that she was anorexic annoys the hell out of me. I'm the future doctor, so if Sarah was anorexic, I would know.

All eyes are on me, though. I have to eat this or they'll get suspicious.

So I take a smile bite, trying my best to not cringe. I love chicken nuggets, but I have 280 calories sitting in front of me. I can't consume that many! It'll ruin everything. I've worked too hard just to gain all the weight back. I cannot believe I am actually eating this stuff. I should have just made an excuse to avoid it!

"Baby, you have to eat." Mama Knight says, gently but firm at the same time. I nervously eat another nugget, tears filling my eyes out of both fear and grief.

"I-I can't eat anymore." I say softly. "I don't feel good."

Before Mama Knight, or anyone else, can say another word, I jump up from my seat and walk to the restroom, locking the door behind me. I drop to my knees in front of the toilet, just sitting there for a moment. I know Sarah use to purge if she ate too much, so maybe I should try it. I know it's risky, but I _cannot _gain all that weight back. I just can't!

So I reluctantly stick two fingers down my throat, tears streaming down my cheeks. I never thought it would come to this, but here I am. I use to think forcing yourself to throw up was dangerous and stupid, but now I'm doing it. It's okay, though. After this time, I won't ever do it again.

After a couple more minutes, all the food I just consumed pours into the toilet until I've completely emptied my stomach.

"Are you okay?" Katie asks from the other side of the door.

"Yeah." I say weakly. "I'll be out in a minute."

Once I'm absolute sure that she has walked away, I burst into tears for the third time today. I have sunk to a whole new low.

* * *

**I kind of feel bad for killing Sarah off, but I want this story to be realistic!**

**Also, I recommend listening to Pink's song "Who Knew" because it really goes with this story:) In fact, I think I'm gonna make it the theme song;)**

**Review! :D**


	8. Changed

It's not that I'm not happy that my mom is here, but I know that she's gonna stuff me with good. When she first saw me at the airport, the first thing she did was mention how thin I look. Yeah, like that's really possible. I see myself every day and I know that I haven't gotten that skinny yet. Forget that I weigh 145 pounds. I'm still not where I wanna be as far as my weight goes. I hope that Mom doesn't try to get in the way of my plan. I love her, but she's way too overprotective. The last thing I need is to be smothered.

I feel like a lazy pig, laying on the couch like an invalid. But it has been two misery filled days since Sarah passed away. Her funeral is in two days and I don't even feel like going. I don't know if I'll be able to handle staring at her casket. I hate that she's not here anymore. School isn't gonna be the same. I'll have to either sit in the gym alone or go to the cafeteria and be forced to stuff my face.

"Honey, I made some chocolate chip cookies for you." She sits a plate of cookies on the coffee table. "Your favorite."

I do love chocolate chip cookies. However, if I eat them, I'm afraid I'll have to purge again. I've gotten away with not eating for the past two days by spending a lot of time out of the apartment, then coming back to the apartment and saying that I already ate. Now that my mom is here, I have a feeling that I'm gonna be forced to eat more than I feel comfortable with. I know I said I would never purge again, but I may have to do it if I don't want anyone finding out my secret.

"I'll eat in a little bit, okay?" I say quietly.

"Please just eat one." Mom pleads softly. I cringe as I sit up, reaching for one of the cookies. I eat it nervously and when I realize how good it taste, I reach for another and soon I am eating one after another until the plate is empty. Oh my gosh, what did I just do? Mom seems happy that I ate, though. Maybe a little surprised at how fast I gobbled up those cookies, but happy.

"I need to use the restroom." I say, slowly getting off the couch. I get to the restroom as fast as I can, locking the door. I turn the sink on (so no one can hear), drop in front of the toilet, and force myself to throw up the contents in my stomach.

I thought that I would never have to do this, but this is what I've come to. I've gotta keep it up, though. I can't quit now. I'm not good enough yet. Once I get down to 125, then I'll be happy. Until then, I'm gonna keep doing what I've been doing. I won't let anyone stop me either.

* * *

"James, if you don't back away, I'll call the cops."

"You'll want me someday." James says nonchalantly.

"I doubt it."

"You know, Charleigh, I'm starting to get the feeling that you secretly do have a crush on him." Kendall says, drinking a glass of orange juice.

"I do not!" Charleigh says defensively.

I'm not really in a laughing mood, but this conversation is pretty amusing. And Kendall does have a good point. Anytime James hits on her, she gets really defensive about it, which gives the impression that she likes James and just doesn't wanna admit it. Then again, you think she would tell me if she did, even if she kept it a secret from anyone else.

"Sweetie, I'm afraid I have to agree with Kendall." Mom tells her. She lets out a frustrated yell and storms to our room, while everyone else just laughs. Just when I think Charleigh is just gonna sit on her bed and pout, she screams "I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON JAMES DIAMOND!" Now _that's _enough to make me laugh.

"Hey, Logiebear finally decided to smile." Carlos says, playfully punching my shoulder. I flinch, but I don't let him see. He's really sensitive and I don't want him to think that he hurt me.

"I think I'm gonna go for a walk." I say, getting off the couch. I'm actually gonna go to the gym for a while. I threw up the cookies, but I still need to work out. Besides, Sarah and I always went to the gym for a while, so it's kind of special to me.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

I don't love how that Sarah chick was always with Logan, but my heart really is breaking for Logan. I've heard that they've gotten really close over the past few weeks...and now she's gone. I actually talked to James and he said that Logan has been a wreck ever since. He just lays around and he hardly talks to anyone, not even his mom. I really wanna talk to him, but I know that he's still mad at me since I sort of dumped him for another guy.

I just finished another audition just down the street from the Palm Woods, so I'm just gonna walk home. It's kinda nice to just enjoy nature. However, I don't expect to look through the gym window and see Logan lifting some weights. I didn't even know that he worked out. I mean, I know that he was on the hockey team back in Minnesota, but he never spent this much time at the gym before we broke up. Did I turn my ex boyfriend into an exercise addict?

Should I talk to him? Maybe he'll talk to me now. You know, without snapping at me. Last time I tried to talk to him, he kicked me out of the weight room. I miss being able to have a nice, calm conversation with him. I feel like he has changed too much. He's not the same person that he was before our breakup.

I hesitantly step into the gym, cringing at the smell of sweat. Ugh, I don't know how people can stand it. Anyway, I take a moment to watch Logan carefully, noticing how tired he seems to be. He really should take a break, but it doesn't seem like he plans on stopping anytime soon. I wish I knew what's going on with him.

"Hey." I finally say.

"What?" Logan says quietly, still lifting the weights.

"I thought I'd get a better greeting than that." I tease.

"I'm kinda busy right now." Logan responds. Is he serious? In a fit of frustration, I grab his hand and force him to stop lifting the stupid weights. I hear him grumble under his breath as he sits the weights down. Why is this so important to him? Even James doesn't get mad when he has to take a break from working out.

"I wanna talk to you, okay? We haven't spoken in weeks and I'm tired of it." I say desperately.

"Yeah, I'm not feeling so great either, but I guess we don't always get what we want."

"You know what? You and I are gonna go out for lunch." I say, reaching for his hand. It feels a lot different than I remember. A bit more...thin and...bony. He's probably stressed from losing Sarah. Well, I'll comfort him. He needs to know that I still wanna be there for him. We can still be friends. I really want him to know that.

* * *

Okay, when I said we were going out for lunch, I meant both of us. I didn't plan on being the only one eating a full meal, while Logan sits across from me and eats like a rabbit. Seriously, you know what he ordered? A small salad with light dressing on the side. He claims that he ate before he left, but I somehow get the feeling that he's not being entirely truthful. It's weird because he has always been such an honest and trustworthy person.

"You've only taken a couple of bites." I point out. "If you eat any less, you're gonna be skinnier than the Jennifers."

I know it's strange to compare him to three self centered teenage girls, but I guess I couldn't think of anything else. Even after I say that, he doesn't say a word. I don't mean to sound like I'm prying into his business, but it's not like I can help being worried about him. He seems like a complete stranger.

"I told you that I ate earlier."

"You sure?" I question. "Because it doesn't look like you're eating enough."

"Why are you even asking?" He snaps suddenly. "I already told that I ate and that I'm not hungry, so why can't we just leave it at that?"

Yeah, this is definitely not my Logan. All I did was ask him to eat something. He never use to get this defensive and angry when it came to food. Now he throws a fit if someone even mentions it. I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he really did eat before, but if this continues, I'm gonna have to say something.

"Alright." I shrug. "Fine."

* * *

**Back to Logan's POV**

"I'm back!" I announce as I walk into 2J.

"Brit, just calm down...no, I'm not gonna go over to your house right now...because I don't feel like it...look, you can find another guy..."

Man, Britney must be upset about something. I'm not even the one talking to her and I can hear her frantic sobbing all the way from the doorway. Quite frankly, if I were Charleigh, I'd just go over to her house and calm her down. I can only imagine the drama that's happening in the Zevon household at the moment. I feel bad for Britney's parents. You know, having to deal with such an overly dramatic teenage girl.

"I've gotta go...Logan's back from his walk...and don't tell Maddie! She might try to come over here and freak him out even more than she already has...Okay, bye." Charleigh says, hanging up the phone. "Her boyfriend cheated on her with one of the Jennifers."

"Which one?" I ask, walking over to the couch.

"The brunette one."

"Ah."

"You okay? You look really tired."

I don't know why everyone keeps saying that. I may feel a bit sleepy, but i'm not exhausted. I'm plenty rested enough to make it through the day. Therefore, I really don't think I need people telling me that I "look tired" and "should eat more." Some people just don't know when to stop. I appreciate the concern, but it's unnecessary.

"I'm fine." I insist. It doesn't look like Charleigh is too convinced, though. I'm starting to think that I should start eating more in front of them, so they don't get suspicious. After all, I can just purge afterwards. I keep them from suspecting anything, but still keep the calories off. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.

RIIIIIING!

"Ugh, hold on." Charleigh says, answering her cell phone. "WHAT?!"

A whiny cry is heard on the other line. Wow, just when I thought my sister was the drama queen. I guess you don't know a true drama queen until you've spent some time with Britney Zevon. She and Maddie are worse than Charleigh is. I'm not even sure whether I should laugh or be a little confused. Britney must be really upset about this guy. I dread the next time she sets foot in the Palm Woods. She'll probably go after Jennifer the minute she lays her eyes on the girl.

"Will you calm down? There are other guys, you know." Charleigh groans. "Hey, don't yell at me...Britney, I can't do anything...you need to cool it...I don't know! Go to a spa or something!"

Okay, I can't sit here and listen to them talk about girl problems. I'll just go and do some homework. We have a math assignment due in a few days. I hate turning in late work. Teachers love me because I always hand in my homework in on time, unlike some other students. I'm not about to stop now.

Once that's done, I'm gonna have to weigh myself again. I hope that workout did me some good.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter of Struggle For Perfection! :)**

**Review! :D**


	9. Accusations

"Honey? Are you gonna go to Sarah's funeral?"

"No." I reply to Mom's question with a hint of bitterness in my voice. I refuse to spend an hour staring at a coffin, especially since the coffin contains Sarah. Every one has asked me that question and I _really _wish that they would stop. I don't want to watch Sarah be put in the ground. I couldn't possibly handle that. I can't stand the thought of breaking down in front of the guys. That would be so embarrassing.

"Alright." Mom sighs. "But listen, I need to talk to you about something important."

"What?" I ask, anxiously rubbing the back of my neck. I'm not enjoying all these questions.

"Have you been...doing drugs?"

"Excuse me?" I respond in disbelief. Why would she think that? _How _could she think that? Doesn't she know me better than that? I mean, I'm her son! She knows that I would never touch drugs. I've been dieting and that's it. Other than losing a friend, I'm perfectly fine. I've never had someone accuse me of something so serious. She knows that I'm against drugs, so I don't get what she's accusing me of taking them.

"Camille told me that she's worried about you!"

That's enough to set me off! So _Camille_ has been talking to my mom behind my back. She has no right to do that! I'm gonna have a serious talk with her about that. I'm gonna let her know that I won't let her get away with trying to turn my own family against me. Gosh, how dare she tell such lies about me!

"Logan!" Mom calls out as I storm out of the room. I leave the apartment, my jaw tightly clenched as I walk to the elevator. I guess I really can't trust Camille at all. I knew that something was wrong when she chose Steve over me. I can't trust her to stay loyal to me. Maybe I can't trust anyone. They're all against me!

"Logan?" Carlos asks me. "Are you okay?"

"I need to have a little talk with Camille." I say bitterly as I enter the elevator. Carlos ends up following me. I don't want me to, but he does it anyway. I guess he'll have to watch me tell Camille off. I still can't believe that she purposely got my mom to be all suspicious of me. Now the woman will never leave me alone! Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but when she thinks there's anything wrong with me or Charleigh, she won't back off until we're "fixed."

"Logan, I'm not sure what's going on, but maybe you need to go for a walk." Carlos says anxiously. "You're looking a little...flustered."

I walk ahead when the elevator opens on the fourth floor, walking to 4J as fast as I can. I feel like I'm gonna explode, so I'm actually kind of relieved that Carlos is here. I don't wanna end up doing something I'll regret later.

I roughly knock on the floor and when she doesn't answer, I knock again...much harder this time. I really hope that her dad isn't home. I don't want him to catch me yelling at his daughter. I would be on his list for a long time if he ever saw me do that. Like Jo's dad, Mr. Roberts is very protective of his daughter. He's kind of intimidating when he has to be.

"Coming!"

Alright, now it's time to have a serious talk with her.

"Hey!" She says when she opens the door.

"You told my mom that you think I'm on drugs?!" I question angrily.

"What? No! Logan, all I did was mention that I'm worried about you!" Camille replies. Somehow, I'm not sure if I believe her. Would my mom accuse me of being on drugs without someone putting the idea in her head? That's not possible, is it? Doesn't she know me? I'm not a druggie. She wouldn't have said such a thing unless someone told her.

"I know you told her something!" I yell. "Why the hell would she say that unless you told her something?!"

"Logan-" Carlos grabs my wrist.

"How dare you make me sound like some...some...drug user! Now my mom and I won't be able to be in the same room without her watching my every move!"

"Well, excuse me for thinking that you have a problem! Have you even taken a look at yourself lately?!" She yells back. I cannot believe what I'm hearing. She is trying to accuse me of having a problem? What problem do I have? My so called "problem" isn't really a problem. It's me trying to make myself better!

"I want you to do me a favor." I say coldly. "Stay out of my business."

Without giving her a chance to respond, I walk away, heading back in the direction of the elevator.

* * *

"Why did you yell at her?" Carlos asks. I can sense the concern in his voice and I do feel kind of bad, but Camille deserved it. She had no right to talk about me behind my back. She may be concerned about me, but that gives her no right to make my mom think I have some kind of problem. Is she trying to turn my own family against me? Is that what she really wants? Because I can tell her dad plenty of stuff about her.

"She was in my business." I reply, crossing my arms as we exit the elevator. "Hey, you wanna go to the park? I need to get out of the apartment for a while."

"Sure." Carlos says. We begin walking toward the exit, staying quiet the whole time. I really can't get over what Camille did. When we were together, she never tried to hurt me like that. She was always someone I felt I could trust. These days, it seems like she's out to ruin my life. Why? What did I ever do to make her want to do that to me?

"You know, I can understand why people are worried about you, though." Carlos says calmly. "You haven't been looking so good lately."

"Yeah, but I haven't been feeling very good." I try to explain. "Especially since Camille and I broke up and Sarah..."

I can't finish the sentence. There is no way that I can talk about Sarah right now, especially since today is her funeral. I feel kind of bad for not going, but I don't think I could handle it. The thought of looking at her coffin is sicking. I saw her die, which is bad enough. I actually sat on her bed and watched her pass away. The memory is horrible to think about.

"I don't think I've seen you so angry before." Carlos says, apparently still thinking about the incident that occurred just a moment ago. "I thought you were gonna explode."

I give a smile smile as we walk toward the park. I must have looked pretty peeved off. That's kind of embarrassing.

"I felt like it."

"So...your mom thinks you're on drugs?" We approach a nice, shady tree, sitting on the green grass.

"Apparently so." I sit against the tree, watching the people all around us. I dread going back to the apartment. By now, Mom has probably told Mama Knight about my outburst now now everyone else in 2J probably knows as well. If they do, I really have a problem. I'll be stuck under a microscope all the time.

"I know you wouldn't do that." Carlos says innocently.

Well, at least he still trusts me. It seems like everyone else is out to accuse me.

"Hey, you want a corn dog?!" Carlos asks eagerly, pulling two corn dogs from inside his jacket. I don't even know how to respond to that. He has this weird obsession with corn dogs that is both funny and kind of creepy. More importantly, there are 250 calories in a corn dog. Who knows what that many calories will do to me?

"Sure." I say hesitantly. Carlos looks so worried and I can't let him think that I'm sick or something. So I reluctantly accept the corn dog, taking a small bite. It tastes so good, so I take another bite...and another...and another until I've eaten the whole thing. When I look at Carlos, I see that he has only eaten half of his.

"Wow..."

Just as I am about to respond, my stomach churns. I jump to my feet as fast as I can and walk behind the tree, throwing up. I hope no one is watching. I usually have to force myself to throw up, but it happened on its own this time. How weird...

"Logan! Are you okay?!" Carlos asks, rubbing my back. I cough before letting Carlos pull me into his arms. I shake lightly, exhausted. I need to sleep for a few hours, then I'll feel better. Wow, I feel awful. I don't even know if I can stand on my own, but I'm not about to ask Carlos to carry me all the way back to the Palm Woods. I'll just suck it up.

"Yeah." I respond weakly as he helps me up. "I'm okay."

"You probably caught something from the hospital."

Okay, that'll work...I guess.

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

"Let's just get you to your room." I say quietly, helping Logan into his room. I hesitate before letting him go, watching as he crawls into bed. I know he's not on drugs, but I am kind of worried about him. However, I have a feeling that he's probably just stressed out. He broke up with his girlfriend a few weeks ago and now one of his friends is dead. Who wouldn't feel sick after all that?

"Do you want me to stay in here with you?" I offer.

"No." Logan says softly. I gently squeeze his shoulder before leaving the room, walking toward the living room. I guess everyone else is either in their own rooms or out somewhere else. I wonder what Logan's mom is up to. I hope she'll forget about Logan being on drugs. I know Logan and he would never do that. He's smarter than that. How could anyone even think that he would do drugs?

"Hey, where's Logan?" Kendall asks, sitting next to me on the couch.

"He's taking a nap." I reply, turning the TV off. I'm not gonna tell anyone that Logan threw up. That'll make them even more suspicious, which will only stress Logan out more. I know that everyone else has kind of been on his case lately. I don't wanna be like that. I want him to know that he can talk to me without fear of being judged. I'm not the kind of person that likes to criticize and pester people.

"Is he okay? His mom says that he stormed out of the apartment."

"Yeah, he's fine." I lie. I know he's not okay, but it's not like he has any serious problems. He's just tired and stressed out. No big deal! After he gets some rest, he'll feel better.

"I think she's kind of worried about him." Kendall explains.

"I heard her telling Mom that she thinks he might be using drugs." Katie adds as she walks past us.

"Katie!"

"Just saying!"

I am so sick of hearing people talk about Logan like that. Mrs. Mitchell should know her own son better than that. She should know that he would never even touch drugs. He doesn't deserve all these accusations and, quite frankly, I don't appreciate it either. It totally peeves me off when people make these accusations, knowing good and well that Logan isn't like that.

"Carlos, what did you do to my brother?" Charleigh sighs, giving me a look. Just when I thought she wouldn't say anything. She may be self centered sometimes, but she's even more protective of Logan than Mrs. Mitchell is.

"I didn't do anything to him!" I retort defensively.

"Really? Because he looks awful."

"He's tired!"

You know what? I'm gonna check on him again. I need to get away from all the questions. If Logan doesn't want anyone asking more questions, he might wanna brush his teeth. Otherwise, it's not gonna be hard to tell that he threw up earlier. I'll have to remind him when he wakes up, if he hasn't already.

It turns out that he's fast asleep. He's got the comforter wrapped tightly around him, as if he's cold for some reason. He must be getting really sick. If he gets any worse, I might have to tell Mama Knight, so she can get him some medicine. Hopefully, it won't ever come to that.

* * *

**Aw, Carlos thinks that Logan is just a little sick:( He has no idea**

**Anyway, sorry that this was posted late! I had a hair appointment earlier, then I went to a Christmas concert! :D**

**Review? :D**


	10. Finding The Perfect Excuse

"I don't know why we've never thought about joining the hockey team again." I think out loud while the guys and I look at the sign up sheet for hockey tryouts. Not only is hockey a fun sport,but it's also a perfect workout. If we joined the team, I could exercise without anyone getting suspicious. Whenever anyone asks, I can just say that I'm exercising for hockey! It's perfect! If I could only convince the guys to actually try out.

"It would be cool." Kendall agrees. "If we could convince Gustavo."

I don't see why Gustavo would care if we joined the team. In fact, you think he would actually encourage it because we would be staying fit for concerts and whatnot. He always tells us to not sit on our asses all the time. I really hope that he'll let us do this. I need some kind of excuse to spend more time at the gym. I haven't been in days because Mom wouldn't let me. She thought that I needed to get my strength back up. I still don't feel great, but I did convince her to let me come to school.

"Do they have a girls team?" Charleigh asks eagerly, pushing us out of the way.

"Yeah." Kendall says, motioning to one of the _two _sign up sheets. Maybe there's still a bit of Minnesota left in my sister after all. For a while, I was concerned that she had completely turned into one of those spoiled California girls. You know, like the Jennifers. By the way, she tried to pound brunette Jennifer into a pulp yesterday, but Maddie somehow managed to hold her back. It was actually Britney who started the fight, but Charleigh got involved. I don't know how, but she did.

"You're already in the glee club, you know." I point out.

"Mom has been encouraging me to get involved with another extracurricular." Charleigh grumbles. "She thinks I have too much time on my hands. I figured that if I have to do something, it might as well be something I love."

"Let's just put our names on the list." James says, writing his name on one of the empty lines. The rest of us follow. I seriously hope that we can get on the team because I _really _need an excuse to work out. When I do it now, everyone gets all curious and it makes me nervous. If I'm on the hockey team, they won't need to worry when I go to the gym. After all, I'll just be staying fit for hockey.

"We'll talk to Gustavo about it at work later." Kendall says as we begin walking down the hallway. I wonder what would happen if I casually brought up the headache that I've had since yesterday. It's probably not a good idea. Lately, it seems like people get all paranoid if I mention even the slightest discomfort. I can sneeze and they assume that I'm getting sick!

"Hey, I'll see you guys in English!" I say, walking into my Math class. I would rather sneak into the gym and take a nap, but I can't afford to skip.

* * *

Is it unusual for me to say that I enjoy factoring? Every year, I always look forward to our math teacher getting to that part. I know I sound like a huge nerd, but I like it because it's so challenging. Plus, it's kind of flattering when my fellow classmates come to me for help. You know, as long as they don't do it all at once. Before Camille and I broke up, she was always one of the first to ask me for help with her math homework.

Strangely, I'm kind of waiting for class to be over, though. I had to eat a Pop Tart this morning and although I managed to purge afterwards, I'm worried that some of the calories are still lingering. I need to get to the school gym and work out. I'm at about 140 pounds now and even though I'm getting closer to my goal weight, I'm not there yet.

Or maybe I'll just take a nap!

No, I need to work out. I'll nap after the calories are gone. Right now, weight loss is more important. I'll rest once i'm exactly where I want to be. Unfortunately, I'm not there yet. I have a lot of work to before I'm at a decent weight. The way I see it, I'm still too fat and although no one else will say it out loud, they probably feel the same way.

"Are you gonna talk to me?"

"Not right now." I murmur in response to Camille's question. I write down another answer on my assignment, trying my best to ignore her. Maybe I am being a little too hard on her, but it's not like she doesn't deserve it. Not only did she break my heart, but she proceeded to talk to my mom about me behind my back. I don't think I can forgive her that easily. I think it's gonna be a while before I can fully trust her again.

RIIIIIIING!

Saved by the bell. Thank God...

I finish the last problem, write my name down, and pick my backpack up, leaving my work on the teacher's desk before walking out the door. Just when I think Camille is gonna leave me alone, she follows me to my locker. I sigh in annoyance, trading my math book for English. Is she gonna talk or not?

"Still mad at me?"

"I don't know." I say, shutting the locker. "What do you think?"

"Look, don't be so hard on me." Camille pleads, grabbing my wrist. "I was just worried about you. I'm still worried about you!"

"Well, you don't need to be." I insist, shutting my locker. I'm hoping that she'll leave me alone. I don't wanna get in trouble for being late to class. But I should know that Camille won't let me go that easily. Until I talk to her, she won't back off.

"Why do you look like you haven't eaten in weeks?"

"I've been sick." I shrug.

"Didn't Sarah die from anorexia?"

"That's what the doctor said." I say bitterly. "But I don't believe it."

"And you two seemed pretty close." She says as we begin walking. "Are you sure that an eating disorder isn't what brought you two together?"

"Camille, I don't have an eating disorder." I say honestly. "I even ate a Pop Tart this morning. If I was anorexic or bulimic, I wouldn't even touch one of those."

"Are you sure?"

"I've gotta get to class." I say quietly, turning around and walking away. I don't know why she keeps pestering me. She's acting like I have a serious problem, which I don't. I mean, I can understand why it might seem that way, but it's not what it looks like. I'm just eating less! There's nothing wrong with that.

"I'm gonna find out what's wrong with you! Just watch me!"

Sorry, Camille, but that's not gonna happen.

* * *

"Hockey? You dogs wanna join the hockey team?"

"I think it would be good for them." Kelly says.

"Besides, it would be fun!" Kendall says eagerly. "And you could work something out with the coach, so we can still come to the studio when you need us to."

"I...okay!" Gustavo finally caves in. "You can try out for the team!"

The guys and I bump fists, but I try not to seem overly excited. If we make the team, I can finally have an excuse to spend more time working out. Therefore, I can burn calories without suspicion! I know that everyone seems to get so worried when I go to workout, but now they won't have to worry, and neither will I. I've been trying to figure out a way to work out without anyone getting paranoid. I guess it's gonna be okay now.

"Now get your butts to the recording studio!" Gustavo says loudly, pushing us out of his office. We walk down the hallway to said recording studio, entering the recording booth. We've been working on this awesome song called Windows Down. I've been secretly writing a little tune of my own, but I'm not ready to show it to Gustavo yet.

"Windows Down! From the top!" Our boss says as the music starts. Carlos starts us off and I calmly wait for my part. Finally, my turn comes and I sing all the right lines. Not very good, but at least I know the words. Okay, why is it suddenly so hard for me to sing? My throat kind of hurts.

"Alright, stop!" Gustavo yells before taking a deep breath. "Logan, is there a problem?"

"My throat feels a little sore." I admit.

"Well, you should go to the doctor and get that checked out." Kelly tells me.

"No!" I say quickly. "I mean, I'm fine! I just need to go home and rest for a while! I'll be fine."

"Ugh, fine! Go home, get some rest, then be back here TOMORROW!"

I am quick to get out of that studio. I know they're talking about me in there. Man, it's getting harder and harder to keep my secret, well, a secret. Camille is already implying that I'm anorexic/bulimic (not true), my mom thinks I'm on drugs, Mama Knight is starting to worry, Kendall and James are worried too, and don't even get me started on Charleigh.

"Logan!"

"What?" I turn around, coughing into my fist.

"What was that all about?" James asks curiously.

"I think I'm getting a cold." I lie.

"Man, are you sure it's not something else?" Kendall questions carefully. I give them all a look. Something else? Tell me, what problem do I have? I don't have an eating disorder, I'm not on drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I'm not insane! People need to stop treating me like a child and just mind their own business.

"What else would it be?" I ask, trying to not sound as irritated as I actually am.

"We don't know." Kendall responds. "It just seems like you've changed...and not for the better."

"Just leave him alone!" Carlos finally snaps. "I am sick and tired of people make accusations that aren't true. He's just a little sick, okay? He hasn't been feeling good, but it's not that big of a deal!"

"What's your-" James starts to say. Carlos turns on his heels, crossing his arms and keeping his head held high as he walks away. I give James and Carlos one last look before following Carlos down the hallway. I'm ashamed for lying, but it's better that they don't know.

* * *

**Charleigh's POV**

I wouldn't say that I am a super temperamental person, but I'm about to go all Minnesota on Camille Roberts. I've been hearing these rumors that she's still talking to Logan and I don't like it. She broke his heart and I won't let it happen again. So I think I need to once again warn her that if she keeps bothering him, she's gonna become really good friends with my hockey stick. I know it sounds like a violent way to solve a problem, but I really don't want her messing with my brother. He gets all cranky when anyone talks about her.

I knock on her door, tapping my foot impatiently.

"Charleigh?"

I turn around to face her, my arms crossed. Okay, so she wasn't even in the apartment. At least she's here now, though. I am going to calmly warn her that if I hear about her messing with Logan, we'll be having another talk. I know Logan and I are almost eighteen, but I have every right to protect him no matter how old we get.

"Didn't I warn you about talking to Logan?"

Camille sighs. "I know what you're thinking, but I haven't been talking to Logan because I wanna get back together with him. I'm _really worried _about him. I think something's wrong, but he won't tell me."

I frown. I've noticed that Logan has been a little...off lately, but he insists that nothing is seriously wrong and I've always been able to trust him. I know my brother and he wouldn't lie to me. Would he?

"What do you mean?" I ask her.

"I think he has a problem, but he won't admit it." Camille replies. "Have you seen him lately? He looks terrible! If I were you, I would have a serious talk with him."

She walks into her apartment, shutting the door. I lean against the wall, thinking. What problem does she think Logan has?

* * *

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	11. Troubled

"WOO HOO! GET HIM, BABY!" Maddie shouts from the bleachers. I try to ignore her excited squealing as I once again swing my hockey stick at the puck, silently relieved that it made it into the goal. Now, if I could only find a way to shut Maddie up. If I could do that, my concentration would be even better. Coach Sanders is watching, so I need to do my very best. I really wanna get on the team.

Wait, Charleigh's getting some duck tape out...and she just put it over Maddie's mouth. Maybe that was a little too much...whatever. I skate over to Kendall as fast as my tired body will let me go, waiting for him to finish flirting with Jo. She's leaning over the railing, separating the bleachers from the ice, listening closely to whatever Kendall is saying. She giggles at something, which gives me the feeling that Kendall is flirting with her again. They dated a while back, they broke up when she went to film a movie in New Zealand (well, a trilogy), the movie failed miserably, and now she's back.

"Hey, you wanna practice?" I ask him.

"Yeah." He says, waving at Jo before following me to the middle of the ice. Coach brings the puck back over to us, placing it in the middle. Kendall begins pushing the puck away from me and I go after it. Even though I haven't played serious hockey in a while, I think I've still got it. Well, I'm not terrible. I guess that's a good thing.

I'm just about to get the puck away from Kendall when a strange feeling comes over me. I feel kind of dizzy. That's not normal.

Next thing I know, I've dropped the stick and fallen down. Well, that isn't gonna get me on the team.

"Logan!" Kendall yells, skating back over to me. I blink my eyes rapidly, holding a hand to my head. I can see that James, Carlos, Coach Sanders, and a couple of other guys have joined us. Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing. Someone is helping me up, but I'm disoriented to recognize who the person is. Why does my head hurt so much?

"You okay?" Coach asks me as I'm helped over to the bleachers.

"Yeah." I say, rubbing my head. "I'm fine, Coach."

"You did good, kid." He tells me. "You guys are definitely in, but I think you should see a doctor. We don't need you fainting on us."

"I'm okay." I insist. "Really."

"Guys, I need to speak to my brother alone." Charleigh tells them. Oh no...this can't be good. She's either gonna lecture me or ramble about some cute guy in her gym class. I don't think it's the second choice. Kendall and James are probably the only guys in this school that isn't terrified of her. Most of the time, she can stare at someone with this really creepy expression and make them run away screaming.

"Maybe you can figure out what his problem is." James says bitterly, walking away. Okay, what's wrong with him? He hasn't acted that cold toward me before.

"Okay, brother, what's going on? I'm not gonna leave you alone until you tell me the complete truth about what's going on. You have been different for weeks and I think it's starting to worry people. I'm gonna get to the bottom of it."

I look her in the eyes, not backing down. I'm not about to let her intimidate me into telling her my personal business. That's right! It's my body, my business. No one needs to know what I do with my body but me.

"Did Camille talk to you too?" I ask coolly.

"Well, yeah, but-"

"I knew it." I grumble, standing up. "She just doesn't know when to stop."

"Maybe she has a reason to be concerned." Charleigh tells me. "Quite frankly, I'm starting to think that maybe you do have a problem. Like Mom said, maybe you're on drugs. Is that it, Logan? Have you been smoking pot? Marijuana? Cocaine? Heroin? What is it, brother?

"Will you stop?!" I yell, whipping around to face her. "I'm not on drugs! Come to think of it, you're pointing a finger at me, but you have four pointing back at yourself. Maybe you're the one on drugs."

Charleigh is speechless. I can tell. I feel kind of bad now.

"So do me a favor." I say, bringing my face closer to hers. "Stay out of my life."

I turn around and storm out of the rink, not giving anyone a chance to confront me. I don't need anyone confronting me about anything.

* * *

"Wait!"

Ugh, who the hell is that?

"What?!" I snap.

"Dude, chill!"

I recognize this guy as Wally Dooley, or Wayne Wayne as he prefers to be called. None of us really like him that much. He's pretty much the school jerk. Seriously, he's more egotistical than Jett Stetson...and Jett's pretty bad. Wayne Wayne hangs out with a bunch of druggies after school and that's what _really _makes me wanna avoid him. I don't know what he's doing at the hockey rink.

"Did your sister say something?"

"Why do you care?" I ask, walking over to my locker.

"Just curious."

"She accused me of being on drugs." I say angrily, pulling my locker open. I pull out my food diary and a pen, scribbling something on the page. I've been eating breakfast, so no one knows about my diet. I throw it up afterwards, though. And I always record what I eat (or don't eat) in my food diary. So far it says BREAKFAST: Oatmeal and milk, then LUNCH: Nothing.

"Let me guess." Wayne Wayne says. "You're on a diet and you don't want your family or friends to know."

"How do you know that?" I ask in a panic.

"Relax." He chuckles. "I'm on your side, man. I think I've got something that'll help you out."

"Like what." I ask slowly. I'm not sure if I trust the guy, but if he has something that'll help with my weight loss, I guess it's worth a try. If I don't like it, I don't have to do it. But the least I can do is find out what it is.

Wayne Wayne reaches into his back pack and pulls out a small bottle. It's a bottle of Phentramin. That's a diet pill. I've never really thought about using those. I've been wondering if they work, though. Maybe they would? Ugh, I really don't know about this. I'm tempted to accept the bottle, but I'm worried that someone might find out.

"Take it." He hands the bottle to me.

"Wait a minute," I stop him from leaving. "What are you doing with diet pills anyway?"

"I've been trying to drop a few pounds myself." Wayne Wayne says before leaving me alone in the hallway. I stare at the bottle for a moment, then stuff it into my backpack. I'm gonna have to find a really good hiding place for this stuff.

* * *

"You are such a jerk, you know that?!" Charleigh yells as we storm into the apartment. She is being such a drama queen. It's ridiculous.

"You're the jerk for accusing me of things that aren't true!" I snap angrily, walking to our room and slamming the door shut. I frantically grab the bottle of diet pills, trying to decide on a good hiding place. Alright, where can I hide diet pills? You know, a place where no one will find them. I wonder if I could pull up these floor boards and hide the pills there. Carlos use to hide candy under his floor boards when he was a child.

I kneel on the floor and lift up the rug, pulling it back. Then I stare at the wooden floor, wondering how I can possibly get this floor board to...wait, I think I've got it! I manage to get a grip on the floor board, slowly lifting it up. I quickly put the bottle under it before letting the floor board back down, then pulling the rug down as well. Okay, it's hidden. I have nothing to worry about.

"Logan? Baby, can I talk to you?" Mama Knight asks, knocking on the door.

"Yeah." I reply, grabbing a book and sitting on my bed. She's probably gonna ask why Charleigh and I are fighting and I'm gonna have to explain. I don't wanna explain anything, but Mama Knight won't leave me alone until I talk to her. I guess there will have to be some way for me to avoid revealing anything.

"Why are you and your sister fighting?" She ask, sitting next to me.

"I guess I got a little dizzy at tryouts today and I had to sit down for a few minutes." I admit. "Charleigh decided to accuse me of being on drugs and we started fighting about it."

"I don't think you would do that." Mama Knight tells me, touching my cheek. "But I am a little concerned. You haven't really been yourself lately, so I can see why everyone is so worried about you."

"I've been stressed." I say anxiously.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Honestly? Not really." I say, closing the book. She reaches out and pulls me into a hug. I rest my head on her shoulder and try to avoid crying. Why do I have to be like this? I miss being happy. I haven't been truly happy in several weeks and it...it sucks! What happened to me? Suddenly, my relationships with my friends and family are falling apart. I've never gotten into a serious fight with Charleigh before.

"Well, you can talk when you're ready." Mama Knight says gently, kissing my forehead. "You look like you could use some rest."

I give her a sad smile as she gets up, tearing up once she has left the room. But I won't let myself cry. My eyes will get all red and puffy, then I'll really have some explaining to do. I'm not interested in explaining anything right now.

* * *

At about two thirty in the morning, I wake up to an all too familiar feeling in my stomach. Ugh, hunger. I'm dying to get something to eat, but I can't ruin my diet. Of course, when I do eat, I end up purging anyway. So I guess it won't hurt me to eat a little something. I can enjoy something delicious, then empty my stomach so I don't gain any weight back. Oh, what the heck!

I get out of bed and tip toe out of the room, not wanting to wake anyone up. The last thing I need is for them to catch me doing this. So I make sure to be extra quiet as I enter the kitchen, grabbing a bag of potato chips, some yogurt and dinosaur chicken from the fridge, and some Oreos. I sit on the floor, reaching into the bag of chips. Wow, they taste so good. I don't think food has ever tasted this delicious before.

I eat uncontrollably as if I've never eaten before in my life. I feel so disgusted with myself, but I'm just so hungry. It's okay, though. I'll purge in a minute and it'll be as if I never ate a thing. Yeah, this is okay. When I do screw up, all I have to do is purge. Then I'll be okay! I won't have to worry about my diet being ruined.

Finally, I can't eat anymore. I find that I've eaten almost every bit of the food. Not all of it, but most of it. Quietly, I put it all away, then sneak to the restroom, shutting the door. I drop in front of the toilet, taking a deep breath. I stick two fingers down my throat and empty my stomach, ridding my body of the many calories that I just consumed.

Alright, now it's okay. Well, sort of. Okay, I feel kind of guilty, but I have to do this. I wish I could tell someone, but I can't. They would never understand why I have to do what I'm doing. Until I'm at a proper weight, I'll just have to keep going.

* * *

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	12. On A Pedestal

Normally, Charleigh and I are really close, but we've hardly spoken at all in the past week. I know she keeps her eyes on me, but we hardly say a word to each other. Of course, as much as I hate to say this, us not speaking might not be such a bad thing right now. Maybe my secret is safer that way. I love her, but I don't need her figuring out what I've been doing. I _can't _let her find out. I can't let anyone find out!

I can't concentrate on this English quiz at all. I know that I know the answers, but I just can't concentrate on finishing the damn thing. There are ten questions and I've only answered five. The worst part is that I only have three more minutes until class is dismissed. Crap, I've gotta finish this. So I just choose random answers and hand my quiz to our teacher before returning to my desk.

I am so relieved when that bell rings and I am able to get out of this stupid classroom. I keep up with my grades, I still act all goody goody with the teachers, but you know what? I'm so sick and tired of being the perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect brother, the perfect son. I have imperfections too and no one even cares. All they can see is what they wanna see.

I walk to my locker, unlocking it and opening the door. I put my English book away and grab my Science book, locking the door once again. I really wonder why everyone puts me on a pedestal. My friends, family, teachers, and fans only see what they wanna see. They don't see that I'm not as good as they think I am. It's getting frustrating.

I don't normally like skipping class, but I think that's gonna change today. Instead of going to science, I'm gonna go to the locker room. No one is in there right now, so I can have some privacy. Yeah, that's where I'll go. For just forty five minutes, I can have some time alone. That's really what I need right now.

I was right. It is nice and quiet in here when there aren't a bunch of sweaty hockey players around. Speaking of hockey, we have our first game in two weeks. I'm kind of nervous, but I feel pretty good about it. Gustavo spoke to Coach Sanders and they've worked out a schedule so the guys and I can have time for hockey and our music careers. We'll go to the hockey practice for two hours after school, then we'll go to the studio for three or four hours. When we get home, we do our homework.

I drop my back pack and walk over to a full body mirror, lifting up my shirt. I don't see why the scale says I weigh 130 pounds. I'm huge! When am I gonna be good enough? I wasn't good enough for Camille, Charleigh hates me now, and I'm pretty sure James is mad at me. How much longer before everyone else gets sick of me?

I pinch the fat on my stomach, cringing. How disgusting. It's no wonder that I'm so screwed up. If I was just a little more attractive, everything would be okay. I could finally be proud of myself. I could look at myself in the mirror and not be disgusted by what I see. I feel so pathetic for thinking like this every day, but it's true. I'm fat and...I don't even know.

I lower my shirt, leaning against the wall. I slowly slide to the floor, looking straight ahead. You know, the only reason Carlos trusts me is because he has put me on this pedestal of perfection. He thinks that I'm so perfect and that I can do nothing wrong. He doesn't know me, though. He doesn't know how much I hurt every time I see myself in a mirror.

I need sleep. The floor is cold, but I guess it's good enough. I'm much too tired to get my back pack and use it as a pillow. So I lay down on the floor, curling into a ball and closing my eyes. I need Sarah. She could make me feel better. She never put pressure on me to be perfect. She felt as imperfect as I do. We understood each other. Now she's gone and I don't have anyone that understands me as well as she did.

Slowly but surely, I drift off to sleep.

**Fifteen minutes later**

"Logan?"

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's just sleeping."

"I guess he got a little tired."

"Wow, I look even hotter than usual."

"JETT!"

I groan as I open my eyes, waking up from my peaceful nap. I look up to see Kendall, James, Carlos, and Jett standing over me. Why? I was finally getting some rest and they just had to show up and ruin it. If I could sleep for just five more minutes, I think I would be okay. Of course, no one seems to be willing to give me some space. They all wanna hover over me and take control of my life.

"You okay, bud?" Kendall asks, helping me up.

"Yeah." I say, coughing into my fist. "I guess I didn't sleep so good last night, so I had to get some sleep."

"You think you might wanna come to science? Mr. Schneider gave us a free day." Carlos says, handing me my back pack. I nod as Kendall squeezes my shoulder, leading me from the locker room. It's a good thing that Mr. Schneider did give us the class the day off. If I had skipped on a day when there was a lesson going on, I would be in trouble.

* * *

"Logan, I wanna talk to you." Kendall says, pulling me aside for I can set foot in Mr. Schneider's classroom. He drags me around the corner, into a quiet hallway. I lean against a row of lockers, patiently waiting for Kendall to speak. I know he's gonna lecture me and maybe even accuse me of having a problem. He should already know my response before he says anything. He doesn't need to ask me about my business.

"Are you gonna talk?" I ask, finally getting impatient.

"This isn't like you." He says calmly. "The Logan I know would never skip class to take a nap."

Oh, how hilarious. "Kendall, that's the whole thing. You guys think you know me so well, but you don't. You have put me up on this perfect pedestal and all you see is what you want to see. If you knew me so well, you wouldn't like it. In fact, you would _regret _it. Think about how I feel. I'm tired of pretending to be perfect. I'm done with it, man. I am through acting fake just to please the likes of you people."

I never give him a chance to respond. I walk away as fast as I can, entering Mr. Schneider's classroom. I quietly explain to him that I'm sorry for being late, but I wasn't feeling well. When he gives me an "okay," I walk to my desk. I look over at Charleigh, who never looks back at me. I guess I was a jerk to her.

I hear Carlos ask Kendall if I'm okay, but Kendall shrugs. I guess he just joined the list of people who hate me now.

* * *

**Joanna's POV**

"Joanna, what are you doing?" Jennifer asks me as I walk into Logan and Charleigh's room. I know something is wrong with Logan and I'm gonna find out what's going on. I know I sound like an overprotective mom, but I think Logan needs to be protected from something. He has been different lately and I don't like it. I can't help him unless I know exactly what his problem is.

"I need to find out what has been going on with Logan." I reply, opening each of Logan's drawers. No...no...ugh, nothing! If he is hiding something, he's really good at hiding it. I need to know what's wrong with my baby boy. He went from being a sweet young man to a out of control mess. His attitude has been horrible lately. He isn't even talking to his sister! They're normally so close.

"Joanna, I think that he'll talk when he's ready." Jennifer says carefully. When will he be ready? In three years when he's on his death bed? I'm sorry, but I think Logan has a serious problem. I hate to say it, but I might as well be honest with myself. There is something very wrong with my son.

"He has a problem!" I say as I look under his bed. Nope! Nothing. "I can feel it."

"Joanna-"

"Mom?"

I quickly stand up, turning around. Crap, Logan is back...and he knows I've been looking in his room. I should have done this earlier. You know, when he wasn't here. I can sense one of his outbursts coming on. He looks really hurt and upset. What has happened to my baby boy? What is going on with my Logiebear?

"Mama Knight, can I talk to my mom alone?" He asks.

"Sure." Jennifer says, gently squeezing his shoulder before leaving us alone. I take a deep and (hopefully) calming breath, watching Logan. He looks so mad...I don't think I've ever seen his eyes filled with so much...hatred? My son doesn't hate me, does he? Besides, he's seventeen years old, I'm his mother, and I have every right to search his room.

"You were looking in my stuff?" He asks coldly.

"I had to!" I retort. "Something is not right with you and I'm gonna find out what your problem is!"

"I don't need people always accusing me of having some problem!" He yells.

"You do!" I say, trying to sound angrier than him. I've never liked yelling at him and he has never really given me a reason to, but sometimes tough love is required. I refuse to sit back and watch him ruin his life, whether he's doing drugs, drinking alcohol, or whatever. I want my healthy, happy son back.

"Listen to me." He says, anger in his voice. "Stay out of my business."

Then he turns back around and leaves the apartment. Okay, this has gotta be the millionth time that he has stormed out in recent weeks.

* * *

**Katie's POV**

"What problem could he have?" James asks.

"He doesn't have a problem!" Carlos tries to defend Logan. I don't even know what's going on. I know that Logan has been a bit off in the past few weeks, but I didn't think it was that serious. I just figured that he's still grieving his and Camille's breakup. Now everyone's talking as if he has a really serious problem. If it's discovered that he's on drugs or alcohol, I will personally kick his ass.

"What if he's anorexic or bulimic?" Kendall suggests. "Sarah died from anorexia."

I shake my head. Drugs and alcohol are bad enough, but I don't see why Logan would purposely starve himself. He doesn't need to lose weight! No, I don't have a crush on him, but he's definitely not unappealing. Now, I do have a small crush on James, but he'll never know. That would be so embarrassing.

"Okay, that's it." Carlos sighs, standing up. "Logan is not on drugs, he's not an alcoholic, he's not anorexic, and he's not bulimic."

"Denial." Charleigh sings. I just keep my eyes on my Nintendo 3DS. Until there's proof that Logan has a problem, I'm staying out of it. The last thing I need is a bunch of drama in my life. I'm only eleven years old! The only thing I should be worrying about is school, boys, and my social life. Well, I don't really have a social life yet (except for Tyler, Bitters, and Buddha Bob), but...oh, whatever!

"Shut it, blondie."

"Actually, she's a fake blonde." Kendall points out. I snort when Charleigh punches him in the shoulder. Wow, I'm finding out all kinds of stuff today. If the most I learn is that Charleigh is a closeted brunette, I'm good. I don't wanna discover that Logan has gone all Lindsay Lohan on us. I wanna hear that he's happy and healthy.

* * *

**I know they're getting suspicious, but it'll be a while longer before they find out for sure!**

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	13. Words Can Hurt

I haven't been to Sarah's grave once, so I think it's time that I visited her. I'm just kneeling in front of her grave, knowing that my friend is buried under all that dirt. Why did this happen to her? I need her so much, but she's not here. Everyone says that anorexia killed her, but I don't believe them. She was just sick. I would know if Sarah had an eating disorder. I refuse to believe that she did suffer from such a thing. It's just not possible.

I can only stare at the pile of dirt. It's sickening to look at. She left me when I needed her the most. If she were still here, I can guarantee that no one would be pressuring me. She wouldn't let them. Anytime someone treated me like dirt because they think I have some problem, she would have stood up for me. Now that she's gone, everyone is against me. I don't even feel comfortable in my own home anymore.

Charleigh rarely acknowledges me anymore. Why wouldn't she hate me, though? I've done nothing but cause problems for everyone. It's just that I am so sick and tired of being treated like I have a problem. Mom forced me to eat a plate of eggs and bacon this morning. Even though I normally love a big breakfast like that, I can't have it. I am on a diet and I cannot eat that many calories.

How could Sarah leave me? Why did she leave me? Sometimes I wish I had died instead of her. She could live her life and I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. At the same time, I know I shouldn't want such a thing because I know how much it would hurt my family and friends. I know that they love me, but I don't see why they're so obsessed with finding out that I have a problem.

I just want everyone to back off. I need space, you know? Maybe I wouldn't feel so stressed if I didn't have someone on my case all the time. At every meal, I feel all eyes on me. I have to eat just to get them to leave me alone. As soon as I finish eating, I go to the restroom and throw up. I always make sure to turn the sink on so no one hears me.

Slowly, I place a bouquet of orchids on her grace. Orchids were her favorite flower. She even showed me a vase of orchids that she had in her room.

Alright, I just heard a car door. I hope that it's no one I know. I hate isolating myself from my loved ones, but I guess I have to. If I don't, they'll find out what I've been doing. I'll never achieve perfection if I have everyone breathing down my neck. Right now, I am 127 pounds, which means that I am just two pounds away from my goal weight. There's just one problem. I don't feel like it's good enough. I think I need to lose more than just two more pounds.

I flinch when I feel a hand on my back, slowly turning my head. I wasn't expecting Charleigh to follow me here. I thought that she never wanted to speak to me again. I'm pretty sure that she thinks I'm the worst brother ever.

"You look like you could use a hug." She says, wrapping her arms around me. I tear up as she pulls me close. Okay, why is she being so nice to me? For more than a week, she has ignored me. Now she's being nice to me again. If I were her, I would keep ignoring me. It's confusing! I don't deserve to be comforted.

"Why are you here?" I ask softly.

"You drove off and I wanted to make sure you didn't end up in a dark alley." She says, which earns a small chuckle from me. She kisses my cheek and I rest my head on her shoulder, staring at the new flowers on Sarah's grave. I know I didn't know her for very long, but I really did think of her as one of my best friends. Of course, Kendall, James, and Carlos are my closest friends, but still!

I wish my life could go back to the way it was before. Was there ever a time when I actually felt good enough? I don't really know. I think I've always had insecurities. But I'm making it better! Once I am at a proper weight, I won't have to feel insecure anymore. Doesn't anyone understand that?

"Why can't you tell us what's wrong?" Charleigh asks. "If you're not using drugs or drinking alcohol, what's actually wrong with you?"

"Nothing!" I say desperately.

"Logan, you're sick." She tells me. "There's something wrong! Why can't you tell us?"

"Char, I can't tell you about a problem I don't have." I try to argue. I'm gonna try being calm for once, but it's not easy. I'm so tired of everyone saying that I'm sick or that I have a problem. Can't they accept that there's nothing wrong with me?

She doesn't respond anymore. She just tightens her grip around me, as if to protect me from something. It feels nice to get this much love from someone. Charleigh can be a self centered girl sometimes, but she has her sweet moments. She's actually pleasant to be around when she isn't obsessing over what outfit to wear, yelling at my bandmates, or frightening small children. Tyler won't come near the guys and I if Charleigh is around.

"Are you sure? Because you definitely haven't been yourself lately."

"I don't know." I say tiredly, pulling away. "Let's just go home."

* * *

"Alright, one question." James says as he puts his hockey gear on. "Why did you get changed in the shower instead of out here with us?"

"I didn't think it was a big deal." I shrug, putting my helmet on.

"Well, it is." James says coldly. "You don't eat, you go to the restroom immediately go to the restroom when you do eat something, the meals you eat are never that big, you spend most of your time at the gym or at least out of the apartment, and you freaked out when your mom tried to search your room."

Oh, here we go again. You know, I'm not even gonna lose my temper this time. I'm not giving James the satisfaction. He just wants to see if he can piss me off. I'm not gonna let him think that he can upset me so easily. That's the mistake a lot of people have made with me. They think I'm this sensitive, overly caring person, so they can treat me however they want. It's not gonna be like that anymore.

"Are you gonna say anything?" He asks me.

"I would." I say with an amused smile. "If I cared what you think."

"Alright, that's it." James says, walking toward the door. But before he leaves, he turns around to look at me one more time. "If you keep this up, no one will wanna be around you. They'll dump you as fast as your dad did."

"You know what, James? You're right." I say as I begin walking past him. "And maybe you can be the first."

What's the story with my dad? Well, he left when I was just five months old. I guess he didn't want a kid as much as my mom did. All throughout her pregnancy, he was supposedly so wonderful. Mom said that he was even okay for the first few months of my life, then she woke up one day and he was gone. I don't need him, though. Maybe I don't need anyone.

* * *

**James's POV**

"Hey, why does Logan look like he wants to kill you?" Carlos whispers to me.

"I may have said something that, you know, wasn't very nice." I say awkwardly, glancing over at Logan. Quite frankly, the way he's looking at me is kind of disturbing. I hope he doesn't notice that Camille is sitting in the bleachers. He seems to have a serious problem with her lately. She told me that he won't even look at her and if she does acknowledge him, he's cold and kind of rude toward her.

"What did you say?"

"I told him that everyone is gonna dump him as fast as his dad did." I gulp.

"James!" Carlos smacks my arm. I know I went too far! I'm just so frustrated because Logan has a problem and he refuses to admit it. Everyone else is guessing drugs or alcohol, but I personally think he might be anorexic. Doesn't it seem strange that he started hanging out with a new girl and she died from anorexia? I think it's really odd. I'm not a medical expert, but I'm pretty good at noticing an eating disorder when I see it.

Coach Sanders motions for Logan to join us on the ice, where he places a puck between the two of us. I wanna apologize, but something tells me that Logan isn't interested in an apologize. I miss the old Logan. The one that wasn't mad all the time. Logan isn't any fun when he's cranky. I feel like telling someone that I think he has an eating disorder, but I think I need more proof.

As the game begins, I notice that Logan seems more aggressive than usual. He only plays this hard when he's _really _mad. That's why, back in Minnesota, we use to purposely make him mad before games. Trust me, we had our ways.

Of course, he never got physically violent, at least not on purpose. But he keeps skating toward me as if he wants to hurt me. I'm bigger than him, so he couldn't do much, but it's still worrisome. He's just going after the puck, but I can see in his eyes that he's angry about my comment and wants to make me pay for it. Okay, how do I handle an angry, vengeful Logan? I have no idea.

The puck slides toward the wall and we both go after it, but I accidentally bump into Logan by accident, knocking him to the floor. I hear him yell out in pain and when I turn around, he's holding his right knee. Coach blows his whistle, stopping the game before skating over to us.

"You okay?" He asks Logan, who shakes his head in response.

"It's my knee." He cringes.

"Let me see it." Kendall says, reaching out to Logan. As soon as he touches our friend's knee, Logan cries out. Wow, I feel terrible. I've hurt him twice in one day. What kind of friend am I? It was just an accident, though. I shouldn't feel guilty, should I?

"Get an ambulance." Coach says to no one in particular. Kendall is the first to skate over to the bleachers and grab his cell phone, dialing 911. I kneel beside Logan, giving him the most apologetic look I can give. I cannot believe I just injured my best friend.

* * *

**Back to Logan's POV**

"Luckily, it's just a minor sprain." The doctor tells my mom. He wrapped some gauze and instructed me to put ice on my knee four to eight times a day. I am gonna kill James for doing this to me. Well, I'm angrier about the "dad" comment than my new knee injury, but I didn't love coming to the hospital in an ambulance today. I managed to avoid getting weighed because I told them that it hurts to stand up. It was a close call, though.

Most people in my position would be asking if they could play in the game next week, but not me. Why? Whether they discourage me from it or not, I'm gonna play. I've worked my ass off preparing for this and I'm not about to miss out. I'll wear a brace on my knee to protect it. I'll be fine!

"Hon, let's get you home." Mom says, handing me a pair of crutches. She helps me off the bed and I put the crutches under my arms. This isn't comfortable at all. You know what's worse? Because of this stupid knee injury, people are gonna be in my business twice as much as they've already been. They'll never leave me alone!

Thanks a lot, James.

* * *

**The next chapter is gonna be very dramatic:) **

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	14. In Too Deep

"You need to eat something." Mom sounds so desperate when she places that fattening sandwich in front of me. I'm too tired to even snap at anyone today. I just hope that Mom will leave me alone when she realizes that I don't wanna eat. Doesn't she know how many calories are in that sandwich? Is she purposely trying to fatten me up? The last thing I need is more weight on me. If only someone understood that.

"Mom, I'm _really _not hungry." I look at my hands, wishing that she would take that plate away from me. I can't eat. Doesn't she get that? Ever since my little accident yesterday, everyone has been babying me and bringing me food every five minutes. I ate most of it, then limped to the restroom and threw it up.

Also, I'm still not speaking to James. After what he said about me and my dad, I just can't bring myself to say anything to him. He really hurt me by saying such a thing. My worst fear is everyone leaving me. Maybe he didn't know that, but it doesn't matter. What he said was still hurtful.

"Honey, you have to eat." She gently touches my head. Looking at her sad face, I know what I've gotta do. Slowly, I take a bite of the sandwich, but that doesn't turn out so well. Next thing I know, my stomach lurches and I throw up all over the floor. Well, this is awkward. At least the calories are gone, though. I would have preferred to have done this in the restroom, but...I don't even know.

"Logan, what happened?!" Mom asks, handing my crutches to me. All I do is shrug as she helps me up from the table and over to the couch. When I turn around, she's gone. She returns with Mama Knight just moments later. She goes to clean up my...mess, while Mama Knight comes over to me.

"Do you feel sick?" She reaches out to me. I nod in response. I know that this probably has something to do with me not eating much anymore, but an attractive body is worth a few side affects. Once I'm at a perfect weight, I'll be fine.

"I think I'm gonna take a nap," I tell her, pushing myself up with my crutches. I limp to my room and rest my crutches against the wall, flinching as I approach my bed. My knee hurts really bad, but I'm making sure to get plenty of rest so I can hopefully play in the game on Friday. Everyone thinks that I won't be better in time, but I'll make sure that I am.

"My mom said that you threw up after taking one bite of a sandwich," Kendall says from the doorway.

"I know," I respond. "It's so embarrassing."

"Remember when Carlos got the flu? He couldn't eat or drink anything without barfing."

I chuckle at the memory. Oh, I'll never forget that. It actually happened right in the middle of our first world tour. He missed two concerts because of that. All the Carlos loving fangirls were so disappointed, but I think Kendall, James, and I were enough to cheer them up. They still had fun with just the three of us.

"Gustavo apparently called to say that he has a show planned for us in three weeks." Kendall sits on the bed, looking down at me. Normally, I look forward to performing, but I don't know if I'll have the strength to sing and dance onstage. Gustavo knows that I've been sick, so I don't get why he would schedule a concert without talking to us about it. I guess that's just classic Gustavo.

"You don't look too thrilled." He points out. Oh yeah, state the obvious, Kendall.

"I think I'll feel better after a nap." I yawn. He pats my shoulder before leaving me alone. As much as I love my friends, I just need some peace and quiet.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

I cannot believe how much Logan has fallen since his breakup with Camille. All our problems started right after that. Logan started becoming really secretive and cranky. For a little more than a week, he wasn't speaking to Charleigh and now he's giving James the silent treatment. I don't understand what is going on. What is happening to our best friend? I'm not someone that gets scares easily, but I do get worried.

"Is Logan sick?" Katie asks me.

"Yeah," I reply. "I think he is."

Here's the question, though. Exactly how sick is he? We all know that he has a problem, but I have no idea what kind of problem he is. His mom and sister think that he has a drug and/or alcohol problem, but James seems to suspect that he has an eating disorder. To be honest, I kind of agree with James. Logan's eating habits have been really weird lately.

I think that I'll do a little research on eating disorders. Maybe I can help Logan if I know exactly what his problem is. So I get my laptop off the coffee table and type "eating disorders" into Google. I don't wanna believe that Logan has anorexia, bulimia, or any kind of illness, but I think that James might be onto something. We all remember what happened to his girlfriend back in freshman year.

**ANOREXIA NERVOSA SYMPTOMS**

extreme weight loss **(check!)**thin appearance **(check!)**abnormal blood countselevated liver enzymesfatigue** (check!)**dizziness or fainting **(check!)**seizurebrittle nailshair that thins, breaks or falls outabsence of menstruation development of fine hair on the extremities constipationdry skin **(maybe?)**intolerance of cold** (well, he does wear hoodies a lot)**irregular heart rhythmslow blood pressuredehydrationosteoporo sis, the loss of bone calcium, which may result in broken bones

He definitely has six of these symptoms, one of them doesn't apply to him because he's a guy, and some of them can't be determined until he sees a doctor. Maybe we can figure this out when he goes back to the doctor to get his knee checked out. I don't see why they couldn't have done something yesterday.

Alright, now I need to check out the behavioral symptoms.

**ANOREXIA NERVOSA BEHAVIORAL SYMPTOMS**

fears gaining weight **(Maybe?)**won't eat in front of others **(check!)**weighs food and counts calories **(maybe?)**has dry skin and thinning hair on the head, fine hair all over their body, and brittle nailsacts moody or depressed **(check!)**doesn't socialize **(check!)**has absent or irregular periods feels cold frequently **(probably!)**has difficulty concentrating **(check!)**takes pills to urinate or have a bowel movement doesn't eat or follow a strict diet **(seems like it!)**constantly exercises** (check!)**moves food around the plate; doesn't eat it **(check!)**talks about weight and food all the time adopts rigid meal or eating rituals **(possibly)**feels fatigued or dizzy **(check!)**has a flat mood, or lack of emotion **(sometimes!)**frequent checks the mirror for perceived flaws** (probably!)**wears baggy clothes to hide appearances **(check!)**

I don't think I'm even gonna bother checking up on bulimia because all signs seem to point to anorexia. I could be wrong, but it's worth finding out about. I don't really know how to confront him, though. I don't want him to feel like I'm accusing him. There is a possibility that there's something else wrong, but he does seem to have a problem. I want to get our Logan back. I don't like who he has become.

"Anorexia? Why are you reading about anorexia?" Katie asks, looking over my shoulder. Alright, how do I explain this to an eleven year old girl?

"Oh," I hesitate. "No reason!"

I am such a liar.

* * *

**Back to Logan's POV**

Now that I've taken a nice two hour nap, I think I actually feel a little better. It's too bad that I can't go down to the weight room, though. I would, but my knee hurts too much. Besides, I've gotta keep resting it for the big game. I am determined to play, whether anyone thinks I should or not. I will be on the ice on Friday. I know people think I'm too sick to do anything, but I'll prove them wrong.

We have to go to the studio tomorrow. Gustavo will probably talk to us about the show he scheduled without telling us. Once my knee has healed more, he'll start making us dance for hours and hours until we're too sore to move. Yeah, he does that...a lot. One time, he made us practice harmonies for ten hours straight. Of course, we did get surprised with a newly redecorated apartment when we got home, which was really cool.

With a quiet whimper, I get out of bed and grab my crutches, limping out of the bedroom. I'm gonna go brush my teeth, since I didn't do it right after I threw up. I cannot believe that I threw up in front of my mom. I feel so embarrassed now.

"Hey, man!"

I turn around and come face to face with Kendall.

"Hey." I say, entering the restroom. I sit my crutches against the wall behind me and grab my toothbrush, putting some toothpaste on it. Kendall keeps watching me as I brush and it's making me uncomfortable. It seems like someone is always staring at me lately, especially at meal times. I really don't love being stared at unless I'm at a concert or CD signing.

"It's, like, 70 degrees in here, you know."

"So?" I say once I've finished brushing.

"And you're wearing a jacket."

I'm not even gonna respond to that. All this talking back has tired me out, so I can't do it anymore. In the past, when someone has mentioned anything "strange" that I've done, I argue back, but not this time. I don't think anyone understands. They never will either, so I don't see the point in arguing with them.

"Are you gonna say anything?" He asks me.

"What do you want me to say?"

I limp past him and toward the couch, taking a seat in front of the TV. I grab Kendal's lap top (he lets me use it when I'm too lazy to go back to my room and get my own) and open the internet. I notice that Kendall left the internet history window open...and he forgot to delete everything. Anorexia? Eating disorders? Why has he been researching this stuff?

"Alright, why have you been reading about eating disorders?" I wonder.

"Crap, I forgot to delete." He mutters.

"Kendall?"

"I was just curious!" I can tell that he's lying. His voice always gets high pitched when he's lying. I've known him for years, so I know what signs to look for. What he just said is definitely a lie. Now, I am gonna calmly ask him to tell me the truth. I hate being lied to, so I would appreciate if he would just be honest with me.

"Kendall..."

"Okay," He sighs. "To be honest, I'm worried about you. We all are! I mean, you ate one bite of a sandwich and it made you sick. Not to mention that you don't eat much, you seem like you've lost weight, and it's just...it's scaring me."

"Kendall, you don't need to worry about me, okay?" I say gently. "I'm fine. I promise."

That isn't entirely true, but I'm not dying! I'm just tired and I have a hurt knee. I don't see why Kendall needs to suspect that I have an eating disorder. I feel bad that he's so worried about me, though. I know I've been a difficult person lately, but I don't feel like I have any control over it anymore. Anytime I snap or yell at someone, I feel like I have no control over my actions.

"Hey, what did you and James fight about? You guys haven't spoken since yesterday." He changes the subject.

"We exchanged some heated words in the locker room." I would rather not tell him everything that went on. I know he would go on a rampage and end up beating James into a pulp, so I'm keeping quiet because I really don't wanna see anyone fight. If two of my friends end up hating each other, it's gonna be my fault. I'm gonna do what I can to prevent that from happening.

* * *

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	15. Almost Discovered

"I really don't think you should play tonight." James warns as we get our hockey gear on.

"James, my knee feels better." I insist, slipping my helmet on. Even Coach warned me that I might wanna sit out for this one, but I was adamant that I could play. Here I am, in the locker room with my teammates, preparing to play our first game of the season. I must say, it's nerve wracking since I haven't played in a while.

"Okay, but you're gonna wish you hadn't went out there." James sings.

"Hey, losers! I need to speak to my brother alone."

Oh no...

How did Charleigh even get in here? This is the guys locker room!

She shoots a dirty look at my teammates and they all exit the locker room, leaving the two of us alone. I'm sorry, but I really don't wanna hear here lecture me. I know that's what she's gonna do! We actually got into a mini argument the other day because I refused to eat one of her Snickerdoodles (Mama Knight taught her how to make them).

"Did you eat something?" She asks me.

"A little." I say anxiously.

"Liar."

"Don't even say that!"

"Liaaarrr."

"You're such a pain, you know that?"

"I know." My dear sister agrees. "It's kind of my thing."

Tell me about it! I wonder if Charleigh knows how to _not _be a pain in the rear end. She's the only girl I know that willingly sneaks into the guy's locker room, where a bunch of sweaty hockey players have been hanging out. Britney and Maddie would never do that.

"Well, you should know that Mom did make me a sandwich." I inform her. I threw up afterwards, but she doesn't need to know that. I would be so humiliated if anyone found out about my purging, not to mention the diet pills I've been taking. The floor boards seem to be working well as a hiding place, though.

"Alright," Charleigh sighs. "Well, go out there and play. Just make sure that you don't play _too hard._"

"I won't." I chuckle, pushing her toward the door. She gives me a quick kiss on my cheek and once she's gone, I take a moment to examine myself in the full body mirror. According to the scale at home, I now weigh 118 pounds. That's good, but I still don't look as good as I would like.

Alright, now it's time to join my teammates on the ice.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

You know there's a problem when you're sitting in the very back so your ex boyfriend doesn't see you. That's me right now. I wanted to see the guys in their first hockey game, but I don't think Logan would want me here, so I'm staying out of his view. I don't even know about Steve and I anymore because I've been thinking about Logan a lot lately. He's such a sweet guy and I feel stupid for letting him go.

I don't think it's my guilt talking either. I mean, I do feel bad because he started spiraling out of control after we broke up (I only know this because James told me). Looking at him on the ice right now, I can see just how bad it has gotten. He almost looks...sickly. He's gotten so thin, you know? The way his jersey is hanging so loosely off his body is disturbing.

"Has anyone noticed that Logan looks a little less...attractive than usual?" Maddie frowns.

"I know!" Britney agrees.

Okay, do they only care about his looks? What about his health? Yeah, looking like he hasn't eaten in months isn't physically appealing, but I care way more about his health and well being. By the way, I still think he looks cute. Maddie and Britney are being shallow as usual, just like Charleigh. It's hard to believe that she and Logan are related.

"He's still sexy, though." Maddie shrugs. Unbelievable...

Ooh, the whistle was blown! The game is starting! Aww, Logan looks so adorable. Sickly, weak, but still adorable. Doesn't he have an injured knee, though? What is he doing out on the ice? He should be resting until his knee is healed.

"I wonder if Charleigh would let me have James." Britney questions. "Damn, that boy is fine."

"Trust me." I tell her. "She wouldn't care."

"MARRY ME, LOGAN!" Maddie screams. Dang, that girl can yell!

"COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AFTER SCHOOL, JAMES!" Britney screams, even louder than Maddie. Okay, now my ears hurt. "MY PARENTS WON'T BE HOME!"

Was that intended to be an innocent comment? Or was she implying something else? I already know what a slut she can be. She has dated, like, half of the football team. If I were James, I would avoid this girl like the plague. She's not a good person to date if you want someone that actually respects you.

"I'LL TAKE KENDALL TOO!" Maddie shouts.

"YAY, LATINOS!" Britney cheers, referring to Carlos. I really hope they know that they're only embarrassing themselves right now. And why do their shorts have to be so...short?

I return to watching Logan with worried eyes. He's not moving as fast as he usually does. In fact, he seems to be slowing down. What could be wrong with him? I'm scared to confront him because he'll just end up screaming at me. It's just that he seems to get worse and worse all the time.

"Whoa, he's going down." Britney sings awkwardly.

"What?!" I yell, my eyes quickly becoming glued to Logan. He collapses and a whistle is blown, signaling the game to stop. Coach Sanders and a few of the players rush to his side. But even when Kendall (at least I think it's him) tries to shake Logan awake, he doesn't appear to respond. Alright, you know what? I don't care that I'm not on the team! I'm gonna go onto the ice and be with Logan until the ambulance gets here!

I rush down the steps and toward the door leading to the ice. I nearly slip as I step onto it, but thanks to some training I did for a movie, I keep my balance.

The closer I get to Logan, the more apparent his sickness becomes. Someone removed his helmet, so I can see how terrible he really looks.

"Hey, you're not suppose to be out here!" The referee warns me.

"Logan, wake up!" I yell, grabbing Logan's shoulder. "Please!"

"Did someone call an ambulance?" James asks nervously.

"I did." Coach Sanders says. We can hear sirens outside and I take that as my signal to step aside and make room for the paramedics.

"What's wrong with him?!" I yell at his three bandmates/best friends. "Why did he faint?!"

"We don't know." Carlos says, his voice shaking.

I watch with tearful eyes as paramedics enter the rink and immediately go over to Logan. This can't be happening. This absolutely cannot be happening.

* * *

**Joanna's POV**

I can't believe that my baby boy passed out. I'm relieved that I was allowed to ride in the ambulance with him, but seeing Logan unconscious on this gurney is making me uncomfortable. I don't know what is happening to him, but those doctors better find out. I _need _to know that Logan's problem can be fixed. I want my healthy, happy son back. I'll do anything to get him back to normal.

I hold his hand. staring at his face. I never realized just how bad he really looked...until now.

"Oh, honey." I whisper sadly. "What happened to you?"

The ambulance comes to a stop and I am forced to get out of the way, letting them rush Logan past me and through the emergency room entrance. So many questions are running through my mind. One thing I would like to know is the most obvious of them all. What is wrong with him? I know he denied being on drugs, but that's exactly what a drug addict would do. They always deny that they have a problem.

"Ma'am, you can sit in the waiting room." One of the paramedics tells me. "The doctor will talk to you once we've figured out the problem."

"Thank you." I say, entering the emergency room waiting area. I lower myself into one of the seats, tearing up yet again. Have I failed as a mother?

* * *

**Back to Logan's POV**

Beep...beep...beep...beep

Ugh, the hospital? Why am I in the...oh yeah.

To my left, Charleigh and the guys standing beside me, while Mama Knight, Katie, and my mom are on my right. Mom is holding my hand. She has tears streaming down her face and I watch her with concern. Why do I feel so tired? Really, I feel like falling back asleep, yet I don't want to. I need to find out what happened.

"Mom?" I whisper.

"Oh!" She exclaims tearfully. "Baby, how are you feeling?"

"Just tell me what happened." I murmur.

"Logan, honey, we talked to your doctor." Mama Knight explains gently. "He believes that you have...anorexia. That's an eating disorder, baby. You're really sick and your doctor suggested that we have you sectioned, so you can get help."

Sectioned? Like in a mental health ward? No...no no no no no! This can't happen. I can't be sectioned like some crazy person. I'm not crazy! Why do I suddenly feel like I'm suffocating? I...can't...breathe.

"Logan? Logan, you need to breathe!" Mom says frantically, grabbing my shoulders. I struggle to take deep breaths, all why trying to think of a way to avoid being (gulp) sectioned. The only people that end up sectioned are the crazies. I'm certainly not one of them. Not that I have a problem with mentally ill people! I feel bad for them and hope that their health can improve, but I don't belong with them.

"You need help, buddy." Kendall says calmly.

"Look," I say, trying to catch my breath. "I may have been sick with the flu and I didn't tell you guys, so I guess it caught up to me. But I am telling you that I _do not _have anorexia! If I had anorexia, I would weigh less than I do now."

"That's just what an anorexic would say!" James snaps.

"I'm not anorexic and you know it!" I retort angrily. Mom reaches out to me in an attempt to calm me down. I think I can handle getting a little frustrated. It's not gonna cause me to have a heart attack.

"Okay, we won't have you sectioned," Mama Knight tells me. "But as soon as we get home, you're gonna get something to eat."

"I'm gonna talk to the doctor and see if we can get you out of here." Mom tells me before leaving the room. I give Charleigh and my friends a triumphant look, knowing that I just got off the hook. That was a close call. If I hadn't come up with the flu thing, I would be in the mental health ward right now.

* * *

Mom apparently told the doctor what I said and although the man insisted that they have me sectioned, he allowed her to sign me out. My mom can put up quite an argument when she has to. That's what I love about her. She's a lot less controlling than James's mom, but she's still a tough woman. When she wants something, she will fight for it. Thank God that she was able to get me out of the hospital, despite what the doctor was telling her.

As soon as we get home, Mama Knight prepares me a huge bowl of macaroni and cheese. I use to love macaroni and I still do, but I can't eat it because of my diet. Yet here I am, sitting at the dining table with the macaroni in front of me. I want it, but I can't have it. I can't regain all the weight that I tried so hard to lose.

"Baby, please eat." Mom pleads.

"What's the point?" James says bitterly. "He'll just throw it up!"

"James..." Mama Knight says with a warning tone.

I grab the spoon, slowly picking it up. Oh, I can't do this. I cannot do this...Okay, I have to! I have to make sure that they don't find out about what I've been doing. I've already been accused of being anorexic today. I can't let that happen anymore. So I have to eat more when they're around, then find a subtle way to keep the calories off.

I manage to eat about three spoonfuls before I begin to feel nauseous. Out of nowhere, I grab my crutches and limp the restroom as fast as I can. I drop in front of the toilet, flinching as my knee hits the floor. I throw up, tears beginning to fall down my cheeks. I feel a hand on my back and from the corners of my eyes, I can see Mama Knight kneeling beside me.

"It's okay, hon." She says softly. "I'm here."

When I finish throwing up, I let out a small sob and bury my face in her shoulder, letting her hold me. What's wrong with me?

* * *

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	16. The Breakdown

**WARNING: Angsty cliffhanger!**

"Logan, please unlock the door!" Mom pleads.

"I just wanna be alone." I say, pulling the covers over my head. It's Monday and Mom wants me to stay out of school until Wednesday, so I can recovery from the ordeal on Friday. I would rather go to school, but I'm stuck here with people (Mom and Mama Knight) who wanna fatten me up like a balloon. It's seriously getting on my nerves. Why do you think I locked the door? So no one can bother me!

Some exercise might relax me. I force myself to get out of bed, coughing as I lower myself to the floor. Laying on my back, I place my arms behind my head. I attempt to do some sit ups, but I find that I can only do one. I'm too tired to do anymore. I use to not have so much trouble exercises. Man, what happened to me?

I lay on the floor, breathing slowly for a moment. Then I force myself to sit up, crawling back into bed. Looking over at the clock, I find out that it's almost three thirty, which means that Charleigh, Katie, and the guys should be home soon. Mama Knight called Gustavo and informed him about me situation, so he gave us a few days off. I'm not sure what he plans on doing about that show he scheduled for us.

I don't see why he would expect me to go onstage and perform like this. I barely have the strength to get out of bed, so there's no way that I can sing and dance.

"Mom, we're home!"

Great, they're back.

"How's Logan?" Carlos asks. I can hear the worry in his voice and it just breaks my heart. I wish that he (and the others) didn't have to worry so much. They don't understand, though. They really don't! If I wanna be accepted by someone, and I mean truly accepted, I have to lose the weight. I _have _to do it.

I saw the disappointment in Charleigh's eyes when I first woke up in the hospital. I hope that she doesn't hate me. Why wouldn't she? I haven't been the best brother, you know. I wanna be better, but I just don't know how. I can't figure out a way to make it right. I know that I don't have a problem, though.

"He's locked in his room?" Kendall questions. Mama Knight murmurs again and next thing I know, Kendall is knocking on my door. "Hey, open the door!"

I force myself out of bed and I trudge to the door, unlocking it.

"Did you eat, buddy?" He asks me. I shake my head, looking at the floor. I step backwards as he pulls a bag of Oreos from behind his back. They look so good, but there's no way that I can...just looking at all that chocolate makes me feel sick. Part of me would love to just gobble that stuff down, but I can't bring myself to do it. It'll make me fat. I can't get fat. That is my worst fear at the moment.

"Just try one, okay?" Kendall pleads, handing me a cookie. My stomach churns as I swallow, but I manage to keep from vomiting. Next thing I know, I am sitting on my bed, a gentle hand rubbing my back. Why did he make me eat that? Doesn't he know how important my body is to me?

"At least you tried."

He pulls my covers back and I rest my head on the pillow, letting darkness overtake me.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

What is Steve even saying? I'm not paying much attention. I have other things on my mind. As far as I'm concerned, Logan is the top priority right now. We may be broken up, but that doesn't mean that I can't be concerned about his well being.

The guys told me that the doctor's diagnosed him with anorexia, but his mom didn't have him sectioned because he insisted that it was just side effects from a bad case of the flu that made him ill. I think, deep down, we all know that's not true. Logan's mom just doesn't wanna believe that her son has an eating disorder. I don't wanna believe it either, but we can't deny that he has a problem. If we keep doing that, he'll never get help.

I picture Logan Mitchell has being healthy, sweet, and adorable, not a freaking skeleton.

"Crazy, right?"

"Huh?" I know I sound startled.

"Were you even listening to me?"

"Of course I was!"

"Really? What was I saying?"

"Uh...Okay, so I wasn't listening entirely." I admit. I am the worst girlfriend ever.

Steve sighs. "Camille, this isn't working. It seems like all you can think about is Logan this, Logan that. If you haven't moved on from him, then we shouldn't be together. I don't wanna be with someone that loves someone else."

"Look, maybe you're right." I agree. "I do love Logan and I always will. I love you too, but Logan and I have a history together, you know? I understand if you hate me, but try to understand that while I may love you, I have something really special with Logan."

"Whoa," Steve says calmly. "Camille, I could never hate you. I get it, okay? I know that you guys were together a long time and it's hard for you to just forget about him."

Wow, I didn't expect him to be so understanding.

"Thank you." I whisper with a smile.

"Go talk to him." He tells me. "Let him know how you feel."

You know, I think I'll do that.

"Logan, you don't have to walk out!" I hear James yell down the hallway.

"James, get this through your head." Logan replies angrily. "I am not hungry, I don't want a huge meal shoved down my throat, okay? I wanna be left alone."

He limps toward the elevator, not even paying me any attention. I give James a curious look and he shrugs in response before shutting the apartment door. Alright, Logan has never been so temperamental. The eating disorder must have affected his mental health a lot more than anyone thought. I mean, I have a cousin that suffered from Bulimia (she's okay now) and she was a jerk (no offense to her or other eating disorder sufferers).

Suddenly, I don't care if he snaps at me. I turn around and I follow him into that elevator. His cheeks are stained with tears and his breath is shaky. His hoodie is hanging off of his body and it doesn't do much to hide his obvious weight loss. How do I start a conversation? What do I say to him? How do I say it in a way that won't piss him off?

"Can we talk?" I ask gently, reaching for his bony hand.

"About what?" He questions. Instead of giving him an answer, I guide him through the lobby and out into the parking lot. There's not many people out today, so we can have some privacy to talk about...us. I was stupid to break up with him. I thought I really had fallen for Steve, but I just can't get mind off of Logan.

"Camille, let me go!"

"Just shut up!" I grab his face and force him to look me in the eyes.

"What do we even need to talk about? You've got Steve, don't you? You're happy with him."

"We broke up!"

"What..."

"We broke up today because I'm still in love with you! I know I broke up with you because I thought that I loved _him_, but I was wrong. I regret letting you go and all I want is to have you back. Please just...just give me another chance."

I'm scared to hear his response. During the long moment of silence, I find myself staring at his eyes, so full of pain and fear. I can't believe that this is Logan Mitchell that I'm looking at. He has changed so much in such a short amount of time. He was perfect before, so why did he feel like he needed to lose weight?

"I...I can't."

"Why not?" I ask, removing my hands from his face.

"Camille, you did this to me." He replies, his voice cracking. "_You _are the reason I'm like this. If I got back together with you, how do I know that you wouldn't hurt me again?"

"Logan-" I desperately reach for his hand, but he doesn't go for that. The minute he feels my touch, he backs away. Does he really hate me that much?

"Just leave me alone!"

And...now I'm alone. Great...

* * *

**Back to Logan's POV**

"Logan? Honey, what's wrong?" Mom asks me.

"Just leave me alone!" I yell, limping to my room. I can't take this anymore. Every emotion I've been feeling over the past few weeks has been building up and now I feel like I'm gonna explode. In fact, I feel like I'm about to go insane and I just...I can't do this. I can't live like this anymore. Everyone will be so much better off without me. It may not seem that way now, but they'll realize it someday.

Once I am secured in the safety of my own room (Charleigh is in the living room), I kneel on the floor and pull up the floor board, grabbing the bottle of diet pills that I've kept hidden for two weeks now. I pour almost the entire bottle into my hand, swallowing them quickly.

It takes a few minutes, but I soon begin to feel drowsy. Just as I am drifting away, I hear the distant sound of the door being kicked open. No, just leave me alone. Please...don't...leave me.

* * *

**James's POV**

I knew something wasn't right when Logan returned to the apartment. There was something in his eyes that I've never seen before and it was really scary. It was a look that said "I give up." I knew that someone should check on him, so I offered to do it. What I didn't expect when I walked in was to see Logan laying on the floor, barely conscious with an empty bottle of pills in his hand.

"Logan!" I yell, kneeling beside him. "What did you take, buddy? Logan, please talk to me."

"James, what's...what the hell?!" Charleigh yells when she sees her brother. I just keep trying to wake Logan up, but I can't. All I have to do is look at Charleigh and she whips out her cell phone, dialing 911. Logan...he...he attempted suicide. We all know that he's anorexic, even though we avoided having him put under some psychiatric hold, but I had no idea that it was this bad.

"Logan..." Mrs. Mitchell cries, kneeling by her son. "Baby, please wake up! Please!"

"What did he do?" Carlos cries.

"H-h-he t-tried to kill himself." I stammer, holding Logan in my arms.

"Logan, how could you do this?" Kendall whispers, reaching for his hand. That's exactly what I'm asking. How could he go this far? How could he allow himself to spiral so far out of control that he ended up attempting to take his own life? We could get him help. He should try to realize how good he'll feel once he gets help and overcomes this eating disorder. He doesn't have to keep living like this. Everything can be okay again if he'll let us help him.

We can still do that if he survives this. We can have him sectioned like the doctor originally suggested and we can get our Logan back. I don't want this...this stranger around anymore. I want the real Logan Mitchell back. The one that was so careful about everything, so smart, always helping us with our crazy schemes, but not before claiming that he's "gotta get new friends."

"You've gotta get through this." I say weakly. "And when you do, we're gonna make this right. We won't let you suffer anymore."

* * *

**Sorry this is being posted so late! I was busy:)**

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	17. Through My Eyes

**Carlos's POV**

"I can't believe that my son is anorexic." Mrs. Mitchell whispers, looking through the large window. Logan was put in ICU and there's a big window next to the door, so the doctors and nurses can keep an eye on him. Doctor Garrison thinks that he's gonna be fine (well, as far as the suicide attempt goes), but he's probably gonna be here for a while.

I don't wanna believe this. I wanna wake up and find out that none of this ever happened. But every time I close my eyes and reopen them, I'm still at the hospital, watching my unconscious friend in a hospital bed in the Intensive Care Unit. I thought Logan was suppose to be the smart one. He wants to be a doctor someday, so I just assumed that he knew about eating disorders and how dangerous they are.

"He looks like a little child." Charleigh whispers. I silently nod in agreement, my eyes glued to my best friend. The nurse put a robe on him to keep him warm, but it does nothing to hide his weight loss. He still looks incredibly sick. I wish we could have helped him before he got this bad.

"Did Doctor Garrison say that we could go in?" Kendall murmurs.

"Yeah." Mama Knight says, choking up. "You boys can go in."

Just a moment later, Kendall, James, and I are at Logan's bedside, although we have no idea what to say or do. All I can do is reach for one of our friend's hands, which feels much too thin. Kendall sits on the edge of the bed, while James takes Logan's other hand. I don't want anorexia to tear us apart.

"He'll be okay, right?" My voice cracks.

"That's what his doctor said." Kendall says, gently patting Logan's good knee.

Then I think about all the lies that Logan has told lately. We all fell for every single one and now he's in the hospital because of an eating disorder and a suicide attempt. I guess I can't really be angry at him, though. When someone has an eating disorder, dieting becomes an addiction and the sufferer will do whatever they can to protect their secret. We studied eating disorders in Health class.

"You know, this all started after Camille dumped him for Steve." I murmur.

"Yeah, but we can't blame Camille for Logan's eating disorder." Kendall says. I suppose he's right. I just can't help but notice when his illness developed. Of course, Camille didn't know that he was gonna become anorexic. I guess I'm just angry that Logan got himself into this mess. I'm desperately searching for a reason behind his eating disorder.

"You need to wake up, buddy." James tells Logan. "You've gotta talk to us."

Yeah, I wish he would wake up. Doctor Garrison didn't really tell us how long it would be before Logan wakes up. I hope it's soon, though. As scared as I am about how he'll react to being in the hospital, I wanna see him awake much more.

"James is right." I agree. "Can you open your eyes for us, Logie?"

I can almost swear that I just felt his hand move, but when I look back at his face, his eyes are still closed. Then I feel his hand move again and when I look at James, I can tell that he felt it too. Maybe this is it. We can see Logan awake and we can (hopefully) have a calm conversation with him.

"Come on, bud." Kendall murmurs. "Wake up."

His eyelids twitch and we watch anxiously. To our surprise, his eyes slowly open, revealing his tired and saddened brown eyes.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"Hey, Logie." Carlos says softly.

"You feeling okay, buddy?" James asks, squeezing Logan's hand. I can't believe how fragile our best friend looks. He's just...skin and bones. I don't like seeing him looking so weak, pale, and miserable. He has always been a fairly happy guy, which makes it hard to understand what changed.

"G-g-get m-me out of here." He whispers.

"You can't leave." I manage to say. "You're sick and you...you need help."

"You people put me in here."  
Excuse me?

"Logan, what are you talking about?" Carlos asks worriedly. Out of nowhere, Logan sits up, although with some difficulty. There's hatred in his eyes, something none of us have ever seen in him before. This isn't Logan, at least not the one we all know and love. The guy in the bed is a stranger. I want our Logan back.

"If you all cared so much about me, you wouldn't have had me locked up!" He growls. "You're suppose to look after me! But instead, you had me sectioned! I'm stuck in this mad house BECAUSE OF YOU!"

"Logan, it's not like that!" James says desperately.

"IT IS!" Logan screams at us. "I WAS CHEATED! I TRUSTED YOU GUYS TO TAKE CARE OF ME AND YOU JUST LET THEM PUT ME IN HERE! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I HATE YOU FOR IT!"

He doesn't mean that. I know he doesn't mean that. He can't really hate us for wanting what's best for him. I mean, did he really just expect us to leave him to die? We weren't gonna let that happen, so we got him to a hospital. Even though I have my doubts and concerns, part of me also believes that he'll be thanking us once he has recovered.

"Logan, please-" Carlos looks heartbroken. He tries to touch Logan's arm, but Logan roughly pulls it from his grip. At that moment, a nurse walks in, noticing that Logan is in the middle of a breakdown. We step aside and give her room to calm him down. When he continues to cry, we get a shock when she takes out a needle with a sedative.

"Whoa, what are you doing?" James asks quickly.

"He needs to be sedated." The nurse says calmly. "As of right now, he's considered a danger to himself and others."

She injects the sedative and we watch as Logan calms down, slowly drifting off to sleep. None of us can believe that it has come to this.

* * *

**James's POV**

"Why did they sedate him?" Charleigh asks, pushing the food around on her plate.

"He started freaking out." I reply, staring at my own barely eaten food. "He hates us for putting him in here, Charleigh. I don't think I've ever seen him so angry before."

"How can he hate us for saving his life?"

That's the thing that confuses me. When I found him, he had swallowed a bottle of diet pills and he was barely hanging onto life. If someone hadn't called 911, he would be dead right now. It's bad enough that he's anorexic, but we would feel much worse if he died. At least he's getting help, you know? He has a really good doctor too. I like Doctor Garrison a lot. I think he'll be good for Logan, especially since his oldest daughter struggled with anorexia and bulimia for a little over two years.

"You wanna go see him?" I ask her.

"Y-yeah."

We drop our plates in the garbage can before going up to the ICU. I can tell that Charleigh is nervous, but I think she'll be fine. She's a lot tougher than most people would be if they were in this situation. I just hope that she doesn't lose her temper and end up stressing Logan out. Their mom already warned her about that.

We finally arrive at Logan's room and for a moment, we just watch through the window. Mrs. Mitchell is sitting by his bedside, holding his hand. He's still asleep after being sedated, so I guess his mom won't have to deal with him screaming at her just yet.

"I'm gonna go in." Charleigh whispers, slowly stepping into the room.

I don't even know what to do anymore. What if Logan doesn't get better? What if he attempts suicide again? None of us can stand the thought of losing him. I shouldn't be pessimistic and I'm really trying not to be, but it's just so hard. I find myself being concerned that it might be too late to save him.

"Please get better." I pray. "Don't leave us."

* * *

**Camille's POV**

I never thought that Logan would become anorexic. He's our beloved future doctor. How can a future doctor become anorexic? I guess these things can happen people that you never expect. I can't really decide whether I should be angry or sympathetic. Maybe both? Mostly, I'm just hurt. The guy I love is in the hospital for an eating disorder.

I am standing only a few feet away from his room. I don't think I'm gonna go in, but I do wanna see how he's looking. I can't go in because he most likely doesn't want me there. Earlier, he told me that I'm the reason he's like this. If that's the case, I wanna stay away from him. He doesn't need the stress of being around someone that he blames for his problems. Even worse, I have the horrible feeling that maybe I _did _have something to do with the development of his condition.

I tear up as I approach the viewing window, watching his mom and sister by his bedside. Poor Logan is fast asleep and his mom looks like she's about to cry.

Charleigh looks up and I can tell that she immediately notices me. Her eyes narrow and she gets up from her seat, walking toward the door. Oh no...this can't be good. I'm not sure if I wanna get into an altercation with her right now.

"You..." She says coldly. "You did this to my brother!"

"Charleigh, I didn't do a damn thing to him!" I retort.

"He went on a downward spiral after _you _dumped him!" She shouts at me. "Now he's in the hospital with an eating disorder and it's all because of you! You should be ashamed of yourself, you know that? If it weren't for you, Logan wouldn't have this problem! How can you live with yourself?!"

Tears are falling down my face now. She may be partially right, but I don't see how it's fair for me to take all the blame because Logan decided to starve himself. I didn't tell him to do that. He did it to himself.

"Charleigh-" I say weakly.

"Do yourself a favor and stay away from Logan." She says, getting closer to me. "He needs people in his life that won't hurt him and you aren't one of those people. First, you kissed James, then you dumped Logan for another guy. Accept the fact that you're no good for him and just back off!"

Stay away from Logan? But I love him! I know that I've messed up a lot, but I don't wanna stay away from him. Even if we never get back together, I don't see why we can't be friends. I am so confused. I want what's best for him and if staying away is what's best, then I'll do it. At the same time, however, I just...I wanna be close to him.

With one last glare in my direction, Charleigh turns around and reenters Logan's quiet room.

* * *

**Charleigh's POV**

I don't want Logan to be around people that hurt him. That's why I told Camille off. This is the second time that she has caused him emotional pain. I know that some would tell me to mind my own business and let Logan make his own decisions about who he associates with, but he's in no position to make his own choices right now.

"How is he?" I murmur as I sit back down.

"Still sleeping." Mom says, stroking Logan's cheek. "I'm hoping that he'll wake up soon."

I nod slowly, taking one of Logan's hands in mine. He doesn't even look like my brother anymore. I mean, he looks far from his old self. He's so weak and sickly looking. It's hard to believe that it's really him.

"I guess we should just let him rest." I say, watching him carefully. Mom quietly agrees and our hearts continue to break as we wonder what went wrong.

* * *

**In the next chapter, you'll hear from Gustavo and Kelly:)**

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	18. I'm Not Crazy

**Gustavo's POV**

I know that Logan was having some...problems, but I never suspected that he was anorexic. I first heard about the dog's suicide attempt when I was watching the news this morning. I called Kelly and asked her if she had seen it, which she had, then I began getting ready to visit Cedars Sinai. I managed to call Kendall and he said that Logan was being force fed through a tube because he refused to eat.

"Does Griffin know?" Kelly questions while we're in the elevator.

"It's all over the news, so he probably does." The ding of the elevator interrupts our conversation and we step onto the second floor, turning left toward ICU. We make it to the room at the end of the hallway and watch Logan and his friends through the window. He has a olive green hoodie to keep him warm, but I can still tell that he's much too thin.

"Oh my..." Kelly says.

I am not an emotional person. Gustavo Rocque does not cry. That, however, doesn't mean that I'm not capable of sympathy. Looking at Logan makes me wonder what went wrong. I know he had been having problems with some girl, but I don't see why that would cause him to become anorexic. He doesn't even like the type to do such a thing.

"You can go in if you want." Mrs. Mitchell tells us. "But just so you know, he might seem a little cranky at first."

I let Kelly go in ahead of me. Logan soon looks straight at us, more tired than he has ever looked before. Like Kendall said, he's got the feeding tube. I think that makes him look even more sickly than he already is. He appears so malnourished. That's heartbreaking, even for me. I know I don't always seem like the most sensitive person that you'll ever meet.

"Honey, Gustavo and Kelly are here." Mrs. Mitchell says, gently touching Logan's shoulder.

"I see that." He whispers.

"Are you feeling okay?" Kelly asks. Logan hesitates for a moment, then shakes his head. Even I know how selfish my next thought is. What are we gonna do about the concert I scheduled? That should be the least of my priorities. Something tells me that I seriously need to reevaluate my life.

"What's the matter, Logie?" Mrs. Mitchell questions. "Are you in pain?"

"No." Logan says coldly. "I just don't wanna be here."

"Logan, honey, you have to be here." Mrs. Knight tries to explain, but I don't think Logan wants to hear it. Hey, if I were him, I wouldn't wanna be here. But we all know that Logan has to be here if he's gonna overcome that awful eating disorder. I care about my dogs and I want them to be healthy. This is for Logan's own good.

"Why can't I get out of here?" He whispers, starting to panic. Never before have I seen such fear, such pain in someone's eyes before. It's taking all my strength not to bust him out of here. He just looks so miserable, you know?

"Shhhh." Mrs. Mitchell rubs his arm, kissing his forehead. Kendall does the same for his other arm, while Kelly runs her fingers through his hair.

"I think it's best if there aren't so many people in the room with him." Mama Knight says sadly, ushering everyone except Kendall and Logan's mom from the room. While everyone else leaves the ICU, I just stay here and watch from the doorway. I don't speak, I don't scream, I just stare. Logan has calmed down, but that mini meltdown seems to have left him with barely any strength at all.

Well, I never thought I would say this, but I think I just felt my heart break.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

I can't believe my own family had me sectioned. They should have just left me to die. We wouldn't be having all this trouble if they had just let me die. I don't wanna live like this anymore. They think they can cure me? No anorexic is ever fully recovered. Even if I get better, I'm gonna deal with this for the rest of my life. Why should I have to live like that? I don't think it's fair.

I hate this stupid hospital bed. I want _my _bed.

"I want my blanket and pillow." I inform my mom.

"From your bed?" I nod. "Tell you what. I'll go home and get that stuff for you. How does that sound?'

I breathe a small sigh of relief. Mom places a loving kiss on my cheek, whispering something to Kendall before leaving us alone. I sink back into my pillow. I don't know why Kendall isn't saying anything. The silence is driving me crazy. If I have to be here, the least my friends and family can do is entertain me. It might even distract me from the hell that I am currently enduring.

"You hate us, don't you?" I look at Kendall, frowning. "We're sorry that you have to be here, but...we just want you to get better."

"Honestly, I don't know what I'm feeling." I tell him. "I wouldn't worry about me hating you, though."

"Good to know." Kendall says. "You know, you not hating us. Um, I think I'm gonna go to the cafeteria for a while. I'll be back later, okay?"

"Okay." I say softly. With one last pat on my shoulder, he leaves, and I'm alone yet again. I really wish I didn't have to be here. Maybe I have gotten really sick, but I don't see why we can't deal with that outside of the hospital. Once I've gotten my strength up a little, Doctor Garrison is considering having me transferred to the psychiatric ward, maybe even a separate mental hospital. I overheard him and Mom talking about it. For the love of God, I'm not crazy!

Knock! Knock!

Oh boy...Charleigh must have invited Britney and Maddie over. I'm not in the mood to hear Britney argue with the nurse and Maddie ramble for hours. I don't wanna be mean to them, but I might have to kick them out if they get on my nerves too much. Stress is the last thing I need right now.

"He doesn't look crazy." Maddie whispers to Britney.

"Because i'm not." I grumble tiredly.

"Even though you look so thin, you're still hot." Maddie says, sitting on the bed. I look at her with a deadpan expression, not bothering to respond. As sweet as Maddie can be, she's just not my type at all. I really don't know if I wanna be in another relationship for a while. I might avoid dating for a few years.

"Uh...thank you?"

"We'll just sit quietly while you rest." Britney says, dragging Maddie away from the bed.

"Yeah." I close my eyes. "You do that."

* * *

**Kelly's POV**

"What's Griffin gonna do about Big Time Rush?" James questions as we walk down the hallway toward Logan's room.

"We haven't talked to him yet." I reply. "But I'm thinking that Big Time Rush will just go on a hiatus until Logan recovers."

"I guess it's better than getting fired."

It's definitely better than getting fired. The guys are too talented and their fans love them. There have been a ton of messages on the official Big Time Rush website, sending words of support to Logan. They would be so disappointed if Big Time Rush was dropped from Rocque Records. They'll be more understanding if the guys just take a few months off.

"Did the doctor say how long he'll be here?" I question, looking at Logan through the window.

"It depends." James tells me. "Once the doctors feel that his health has improved, he'll probably be transferred either to the mental ward here or to a psychiatric hospital."

I'm sorry, but I can't picture Logan being in a psychiatric hospital. If they have to keep him hospitalized, I hope that they'll just treat him here. He shouldn't have to be in a mental institution for something that can be treated right here. He can overcome anorexia, then we can all get back to work.

"One of my ex girlfriends died from an eating disorder."

"Really? I didn't know that." I respond.

"I blamed myself for months." James says quietly. "I felt like she had done it to herself because of our breakup. My mom wanted me to see a counselor, but I didn't want to. She made me go anyway, of course. Then I found out that she had been struggling with the eating disorder for two years before we started dating."

"I'm sorry." I whisper while watching Logan. According to Mrs. Knight, the poor guy sleeps more than anything else. When he is awake, he's rarely in a good mood. He hasn't smiled once since he was admitted.

"I wish I could know why he did this to himself." James has tears in his eyes. I don't think I've ever seen him get emotional like this before. I feel so bad for him and the other guys. It must be hard for them to see their friend so sick. Gustavo and I both noticed some changes in his behavior, but we didn't think about him having such a serious problem.

"He's gonna get better." I assure James, rubbing his back. "Then everything can go back to normal."

* * *

**Camille's POV**

Okay, everyone else went home for the day, so I can visit Logan without his sister screaming in my face. Standing in the doorway of his room, I am a bit reluctant to go in, but I also really wanna see him. He looks so fragile and weak, but I know that I can't just stay away from him. I care about him and since I hurt him, I wanna make it up to him.

I approach his bed, staring at the sleeping boy. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I reach out to touch his cheek. I know that the Logan we all know and love is still there. The anorexia has just taken over him. Once he has recovered, I'm sure he'll be back to his normal self. I want the old Logan back as much as everyone else does.

"On the bright side, you're getting the help you need." I say, even though I know he can't hear me. I stroke his cheek gently, leaning over to kiss his nose. He's sleeping so peacefully, so I would rather not wake him up. He needs plenty of rest if we want him to get his strength back.

"I'm sorry I ever hurt you." I continue. "You don't deserve that. I was just confused at the time. I didn't know what I wanted or who I wanted to be with. I've realized that I want you, but something tells me that you're not ready to take me back. I guess I can understand that, though. If I were you, I wouldn't be so quick to take me back either."

I take a deep breath. "I can even begin to say just how sorry I am. I want so badly for you to forgive me, but I just...I don't know. Now you're in such a mess and your emotions are so fragile, so it's looking pretty hopeless. Every time I've ever tried to talk to you, you walk away from me or yell at me."

Really, I don't remember the last time I had a calm conversation with him. Even before we broke up, things were pretty tense between us. We would get into some pretty silly arguments, although we were still very much in love. Well, Logan was in love with me. At the time, I was spending more time with Steve and my feelings for Logan changed, but now those feelings are back. What can I do about it?

"I guess I'll let you sleep." I say, giving him a kiss on his cheek. I make sure that I don't wake him, quietly exiting the room.

* * *

**Finals are this week! Then I'll be out of school for a whole month! :D**

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	19. Broken and Scared

**Kendall's POV**

"I wonder if Logan will ever get better." Carlos says softly.

"Man, we've gotta stay positive." I say as confidently as possible. After seeing Logan freak out several times, I'm starting to feel as pessimistic as Carlos, but I keep telling myself that we've gotta keep thinking positive. How will Logan believe in himself if we don't? Besides, there are plenty of people that have successfully beat anorexia. Just look at Demi Lovato! I think she's a great role model, especially for people like Logan. If she could make it, so can he.

"I just feel like he's never gonna get better." Carlos tells me. "I mean, you've seen how freaked out he gets. When he first woke up, he was rambling about hating us for putting him in there. What if he completely resists treatment and he...dies?"

"Don't even say that!" I say, gently but firmly. I refuse to even contemplate Logan dying. If I have anything to do with it, he's not gonna lose his life to an eating disorder. I refuse to let him end up like that French supermodel that battled anorexia for years and ended up dying before her thirtieth birthday! Logan will not end up like that.

"I'm just scared for him." Carlos says sadly. "I don't wanna lose him."

"We're not gonna lose him, buddy." I say, putting an arm around his shoulder. "He may be angry now, but he's gonna thank us once he has beat this. Anytime he claims to hate us, he doesn't mean it. He's just scared. No one wants to be stuck in a hospital, but Logan needs it. Until he gets better, he's gonna have to be here. However, we're gonna stand by him through it all."

We look through the window, watching our sick friend talk to his mom. She brought him some books to read and he seems to be enjoying that. She also brought his laptop and some movies for him to watch. Since he's not gonna leave anytime soon, we're trying to keep him comfortable. It's hard to make him happy while he's in such a fragile mental state, but we're trying our best.

"I wish he had never done this to himself." Carlos whispers.

"We all wish that, Carlos." I say, still watching Logan. "We all wish that he hadn't done this."

"You can talk to him if you want, but I'm gonna go to the cafeteria." He doesn't give me a chance to say another word. He quietly leaves me standing outside Logan's room all by myself, except for the occasional nurse or doctor passing by. I think I'm just gonna stay out here for now. Maybe I'll talk to him later.

I can tell he's getting cranky again. When his mom reaches out to him, he turns onto his other side, his back facing her. Why does he do that? When is he gonna realize that we put him in here because we don't wanna lose him? He tried to kill himself and we stopped him from succeeding! We saved his life.

Mrs. Mitchell leans over to kiss his cheek and I can tell that she's sad when he doesn't respond. I refuse to be like Carlos, worried that he's hopeless, but I guess it's hard not to feel a little concerned. All we can really do is pray that he'll get through this. It may take time, but eventually he'll slowly return to his old self. Well, that's what we're all hoping.

Suddenly, I feel the courage to walk in. Approaching his bed, I take a seat, watching him.

"You okay?" I reach out to him.

"Tired." He keeps his eyes closed.

He wouldn't feel that way if he hadn't gotten himself into this mess. That wouldn't be the best thing to say out loud, though.

"Go to sleep." I say instead. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

* * *

**Katie's POV**

I'm no anorexia expert, but I know that it means Logan _willingly _starved himself. How could he do that? He knows that no one can survive without food. I don't understand how someone can purposely deprive themselves of food, especially Logan of all people! He has read more medical books than any of us. That's what really makes me angry, just knowing that he knew about anorexia and he still became a victim.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Some nerdy kid asks me. I shoot him a dirty look, which seems to be enough to scare him off. He can't be older than eight or nine and he's definitely not my type. Anyway, back to Logan. How did this happen to him? More importantly, _why_?

When I get tired of sitting in the cafeteria, I take the elevator back up to the ICU. I wonder how long Logan will be stuck here. Everyone has been talking about him being transferred to the mental health ward or a separate psychiatric hospital, but I wish he could recover without having to go through all that special psychiatric crap. Then again, nothing has gone our way lately.

I want to talk to Logan, but I'm scared to. I've heard that his emotions are really fragile and it's easy to upset him. Since he doesn't need stress and I might say the wrong thing, it's probably best if I don't set foot in that room. I can stand outside the room and watch him, though. I'm okay with doing just that.

I guess the nurse must have brought a snack for him. Ugh, it's that icky hospital jello. I guess, in Logan's condition, it's good enough. Anything to fill him up.

Of course, we should be prepared him to refuse what's put in front of him. Kendall is holding the container of jello and Logan crosses his arms and keeps shaking his head. I know my brother and I can tell that he's getting frustrated with Logan's constant inability to accept something to eat. I know I said I was gonna stay out, but I don't think Kendall's going about this correctly.

"Alright, what's going on?" I finally ask them.

"The nurse brought him this jello and he refuses to eat it." Kendall says tiredly. Sighing, I take the jello from him and instruct him to step out of the room. Poor Logan actually looks scared of the food in my hand. Before anorexia came into the picture, he loved eating. Not too much, but enough to stay healthy.

"Logan," I start. "You need to eat, okay? The faster you learn to eat again, the sooner you can go home. You wanna go home, don't you?"

For a moment, I start to think he might have to be force fed through a tube again, but he finally reaches for the small cup of jello and the spoon. I watch in anticipation as he scoops up a bit of the red jello, nibbling on it. I guess that's better than nothing.

After a couple bites, he gets a disgusted look on his face, handing the barely eaten jello back to me.

"Well, you tried." I say, hesitating before kissing his cheek. He holds his arm open, so I sit the jello down and give him a hug. I guess I don't have to be afraid of being around him. He doesn't seem to mind my company at all.

* * *

**Joanna's POV**

I know this will probably make me sound like a terrible mother, but I could not stay at the hospital with Logan. After I was there for a while, he started getting cranky and I felt my heart break more the longer I stayed there. I'll go back tomorrow! You know, once I've gotten a break from the hospital.

Riiing!

I finish my glass of sweet tea before grabbing the phone off the receiver, checking the caller ID. Hmm, it's an unknown number.

"Hello?"

"This is Ryan Mithcell and I'm calling to speak with Joanna."

"That's me." I say slowly. "Ryan, why are you calling?"

"Joanna, I saw on the news that Logan is in the hospital, so I called to find out what's going on."

I roll my eyes. He hasn't seen Logan once since our son was five months old, so I don't know what makes him think that I'm just gonna tell him all about Logan's condition. I personally don't think he deserves to have me tell him anything. He never showed that he can be trusted and relied on, so...I just don't know.

"Joanna-"

"Ryan, Logan has anorexia!" I blurt out. "He's in the hospital because he tried to kill himself."

"What? How? Why?"

Oh, like he really cares.

"He swallowed a bottle of diet pills." I explain calmly. I cannot believe that I am talking to my ex husband right now. I don't want anything to do with him. Logan is my priority and I don't need to waste my time talking to Ryan. He never once proved that he's capable of being a good father.

"Why did he-"

Something inside me snaps. "You know what? Maybe he wouldn't be in this situation if he had a positive father figure in his life! All he ever had was me! You could have been there for him, Ryan, but you chose to walk away from us! Actually, I don't care if you walked away from me, but you didn't have to abandon our son!"

Without giving him a chance to respond, I hang up, tears prickling at my eyes.

* * *

**James's POV**

"How did you get him to eat?" I was surprised when Katie told me she had convinced Logan to try some jello. Sometimes I think she, at only eleven years old, might be smarter than most seventeen year olds.

"I just talked to him." She shrugs. My frown stays on my face as we watch Logan through the window. He has fallen asleep again, so we can't visit with him. I am just waiting for the day that we can put all this behind us. It may take some time, but I'm waiting. I look forward to taking Logan home and playing some hockey, then returning to the studio and working on some new music.

"Alright, we've got a problem!" Kendall announces.

"What?" I frown as he and Carlos approach me and Katie.

"Mom got a call from Mrs. Mitchell and Logan's dad must have called!"

What the hell? Why would Logan's estranged father be calling? He left when Logan was just five months old, which means that it has been almost seventeen years since they saw each other. Logan's dad doesn't deserve him. I don't have a perfect relationship with my dad, but knowing Logan's situation makes me grateful that I have any dad at all.

"Why did he call?" Katie frowns.

"The jerk wanted to know about Logan because he heard about it on the news." Carlos says coldly. "I was certain that he would have forgotten about Logan by now."

It certainly wouldn't have surprised me. From what I've heard, Ryan Mitchell has never been good at remembering important things. He'll remember a night at the bar with his buddies, but he forgot his and Mrs. Mitchell's three year anniversary. It truly amazes me that he remembers that he and his ex wife had a son together.

"Let's not tell Logan." Kendall tells us. "He doesn't need the stress."

That is definitely the better idea. Logan hates when we mention his dad and he especially doesn't need to hear about the guy right now. Once he starts showing signs of improvement, _maybe _we'll talk about it. Right now, he needs to focus on getting better. When I'm sick, I certainly don't feel interested in hearing about _my _estranged and somewhat dysfunctional relatives.

"Hey, did you see a nerdy looking elementary school aged kid in the cafeteria?" Katie questions.

"Yep." Kendall and Carlos reply in unison.

"Darn it!"

"Why?" I tease. "Is he your new boyfriend?"

"No!"

"Because you still have a crush on me and can't imagine loving anyone else?"

"SHUT UP, JAMES!"

* * *

**I took my English final today! :)**

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	20. Unwanted Visitor

**Logan's POV**

I have been trapped in this place for over a week now. Yes, I still hate being here. I suppose I've gotten somewhat better at hiding my frustration from everyone, but I can't say that I've made much progress. Every time the nurses bring me food, I usually refuse to eat it, but I end up eating eventually because they always threaten to feed me through that horrid tube. Gosh, I hated that thing.

My only source of entertainment is either my books or my laptop. As of right now, I'm on my computer. On Youtube, a Big Time Rush fan made a video of me and my apparent descend into anorexia. It starts out with all these pictures of me at a "healthy" weight before showing photos of me at my worst. Most of the comments are comforting, but there are a few jerks. Then again, I've seen a lot of jerks on Youtube. No offense to Youtube users, but I've encountered some pretty rude people.

I'm glad no one is here to see me tear up. It's just really nice to know that the fans are being so supportive, despite what happened to me. I don't even really know why I tried to kill myself. I was just stressed out and I wasn't thinking straight. I don't know if I actually _wanted _to die. I'm so mixed up.

Knock! Knock!

"Come in!" I say softly. The door opens, but it's not anyone I'm familiar with. It's just some guy, close to my mom's age. Should I be concerned about a complete stranger being in my room? Because I'm a bit creeped out.

"Hi..." I say slowly.

"It's me, buddy." He says. "Your dad."

I start coughing uncontrollably. What the heck did he just say? I hope he's joking. My dad left when I was a baby. He wouldn't show up in my life after nearly seventeen years. Wow, I think I may actually have to laugh for the first time in days. Because this is the funniest joke I think I've ever heard. Carlos must have sent this guy to cheer me up.

"My dad left when I was five months old." I say coolly. "Joke's over, okay?"

"Logan, I'm sorry." He says. "I heard about what happened and I came as soon as I could."

My amused smile fades when I realize how serious he looks. Please tell me that he's kidding. Charleigh and I have never had a relationship with him (if he truly is our dad), so he has no right to show up unannounced. This is freaking me out. I need to get him out of here. It's making me really nervous.

"Just leave." I whisper.

"But-"

"Get out!" I snap, roughly pressing the call button. I don't care if he's my dad or not. I don't want him here right and probably not ever. I don't know him and, quite frankly, I don't trust him. He needs to get as far away from me as possible. I'm in no condition to deal with him, so all I want is for him to go away.

"Sir, I'm afraid you'll have to leave." Alyssa, my current daytime nurse, says as she ushers my "dad" out of the room. Burying my face in my sweaty hands, I struggle to calm back down. I use to never get _this _upset before. I don't understand what has happened to me. I don't like this side of myself.

"Hon, do you want me to get someone for you?" Alyssa asks me.

"My friends and my sister." I reply.

"I'll be right back." She says before leaving.

So I wait, still confused by the arrival of...whatever his name was. I lay alone, contemplating this, for about ten minutes before Kendall, James, Carlos, and Charleigh walk in. The guys look pretty sympathetic and worried, while Charleigh just looks pissed off. She has some pretty big dad issues too.

"Okay, some guy walked in and claimed to be our dad." I tell her.

"Yep, that's him." Charleigh grumbles, sitting in the chair by my bed. I don't believe this. How did he even know where to find us? He has never bothered to have a relationship with us. So why would he bother visiting me in the hospital? He didn't visit when I broke my arm in fourth grade, yet I'm now in the hospital for an eating disorder and he suddenly wants to be involved.

"What is he doing here anyway?" Carlos questions.

"Don't know, don't care." I say, my arms crossed.

"Well, I'm sure Mom is yelling at him right now." Charleigh says, reaching for my laptop. I'm feeling too stressed to really have a conversation with anyone, but at least I have some company. I would feel a lot better if "Dad" would leave. I don't need him here and I definitelydon't want him here.

"James, where are you going?" Kendall asks.

"To watch Mrs. Mitchell scream at her ex husband!"

"You enjoy that!"

* * *

**Joanna's POV**

"Ryan, how could you just show up right now?" I ask.

"I was worried about our son!"

It's a good thing that we found an empty hallway. I'm about to go all Mama Bear on his ass. I was almost okay with him calling about Logan, but I didn't want him showing up at the hospital. Even worse, he walked into Logan's room completely unannounced. My baby boy is in a really fragile condition right now.

"You haven't been there for him once!" I snap. "If you cared so much about being a father, you would have been there for his first words, his first steps, his first day of Kindergarten, his hockey games, you would have been there to tuck him in at night...I'm sorry, but you have no right to be here."

"Well, I guess I'll just leave." He mutters a few obscenities under his breath, but I do get to feel the relief of seeing him walk away. I can't forget how he left Logan, Charleigh, and I. His children needed a father, but he didn't care. He just wanted to go and live his life as if we didn't exist.

I need to see my son. You know, make sure he's okay.

When I return to his room, he looks like he's doing fairly well. He's still too thin and he still looks tired, but he looks a little better. I just hope that we can start seeing some significant changes soon. Once his health has improved, he can get help for the mental aspect of his illness. Once he has done that, he can come home and everything will be okay.

"Are you feeling okay, honey?" I ask gently.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He replies. I give his friends a polite smile before sitting on the bed next to Charleigh, reaching for Logan's hand. My kids mean the world to me. I remember being pregnant at twenty one years old, expecting to only have one baby, but I had two instead. I instantly fell in love with them. I thought Ryan loved them too.

"Did he leave?" Charleigh sounds so hopeful.

"Yes, baby, he left." I push a strand of hair from her face before returning my attention to Logan.

"Okay, why didn't you slap him?" James asks. Of course, I should have known that he would be listening to the conversation. He can be a sweet kid, but he's about as normal as Carlos. Those two have brains the size of a cricket's. You know, not to be offensive or anything. I'm making a simple observation.

"Did you eat something?" I ask Logan.

"Yeah." He responds softly.

"The whole plate? And the drink?"

"Yes, mother." I can tell he's irritated. I hope he can start enjoying meals again. Before this horrid eating disorder came into the picture, meals were never a problem. He use to go to the kitchen and make his own lunch with no problems at all.

"Alright, now you can rest." I say, kissing his nose. Until he drifts off to sleep, I rub his shoulder and bicep, watching his face as his eyes begin to close.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

"Why don't you go and talk to him?" Stephanie asks as we walk down the sidewalk on Sunset Strip. To get my mind off of Logan, I decided to go shopping. I bought a new cover for my iPhone at Radio Shack. I'm thinking about buying something for Logan, but I don't want him to think that I'm trying to buy forgiveness. Considering his current mental state, he might not take it as me just being nice.

"I'm pretty sure he hates me." We enter the House of Blues. It's one of my favorite restaurants, so I've become one of their regulars. Even better, since the manager is a huge fan of Magic Middle School, I get their Celebrity discount. I mean, I'm not bragging or anything, but that's pretty awesome.

"Girl, he's anorexic." Stephanie insists, waving at someone on the other side of the restaurant. "It has his brain all messed up."

I don't know about that. He looked pretty upset when we first broke up...and that was before he became anorexic!

"I don't think that's it." I say, putting on a smile as Victor walks toward us. He has been managing this place for two years now. I wonder if he could give me advice about how to gain the forgiveness of a hurt ex boyfriend. At the moment, I'm pretty desperate, so I'll try anything.

I wonder if Logan would like a slice of cheesecake.

Ugh, no! He's anorexic and the last thing he needs is to receive food as an apology gift.

There is a cool jacket he's been wanting. Maybe I'll check it out after lunch!

"Camille! How are you doing?" He asks me.

"Great." I lie. "Just great."

"Her ex boyfriend is in the hospital." I give Stephanie a look as we are led to a table. I don't know why she couldn't keep her mouth shut. For the most part, she's a great friend, but she isn't very subtle either. She'll say things without even thinking. Sometimes it's funny, but not always. Sometimes it can be irritating.

"His name's Logan, right?" Victor asks, placing two menus in front of us. "I heard he attempted suicide."

"And he has anorexia." I answer, reading the menu. Mmm, shrimp spaghetti sounds delicious. I use to order that when Logan and I came here for dates.

"Tell him that I said get well soon." Victor tells me. I nod in response and he goes to tend to another customer. I try focus my attention on the menu, but Logan is really the only thing on my mind. I desperately want him back, but I just can't seem to figure out the best way to get his forgiveness. Really, I love him, and all I want is to be his girlfriend again.

"I think I'm gonna get the Filet Mignon." Stephanie informs me.

"Shrimp spaghetti for me." I answer back, closing the menu. I'm starting to get a headache from all the stress. How in the world can I get Logan to love me again? Dad thinks that I should give him some time, but I don't wanna wait too long.

"Hey, hasn't Logan always wanted a parakeet?"

"Yeah..." I say slowly as my eyes widen. I just got an idea! The answer to my problem! Oh, it's perfect! I'll get him a bird! I remember how we use to visit the local pet store together and I always found him checking out the parakeets. I'll have to check with Mrs. Mitchell and Mama Knight first, but I think getting him a bird is a great idea.

"I use to have one." Stephanie says thoughtfully.

"You are a genius." I smile.

"That's not what my math teacher says."

"Ignore the crazy old bat!" I laugh.

"Like I haven't already been doing that." Stephanie chuckles. I guess I better not flatter her too much. Her ego doesn't need to be inflated more than it already is. But seriously, she can be really smart sometimes.

* * *

**Alright, one of my readers (creddie cailey kogan supporter) has been requesting a sequel to Nothing Even Matters, so I'm gonna start that soon:) It's gonna be his Christmas/birthday present! :D**

**I know there have been several How To Love companion fics/one shots, but I hope you'll enjoy reading about Kenzie, Ariana, Jayce, and friends as teenagers:)**

**Review! :D**


	21. Gifts Of Love

**Logan's POV**

You know what? I have been in the hospital for almost two weeks now and I haven't left my bed once. It's driving me crazy, everyone keeps telling me to rest, but I don't care. I cannot stay in this bed any longer. I need to walk around for a while. I've managed to get myself sitting on the edge of the bed, so I'm doing good so far. Now I just need to stand up. Wow, I had no idea that moving would be so tiring.

Alright, now I'm up. I just need to try taking a few steps. Gosh, I just wanna get out of here already. It's so boring!

Unfortunately, I barely make it to the other side of the bed before I get even more tired and have to sit down. Grumbling angrily, I sit alone in this _stupid _hospital room. Everyone else went home for the night, so I'm gonna be stuck alone for a few hours. I don't wanna sleep either, so I get to be bored! Fan-_freaking_-tastic!

Well, at least my lap top is still here.

Knock! Knock!

"If I don't know who you are, I'm calling the cops!"

"Relax, it's me!"

Camille?

"Um, come in."

My ex girlfriend walks in with something covered with a large towel. I give her a curious look, wondering what she brought. I can't say that I've forgiven her, but I am interested in seeing what's under that towel. I suppose a little curiosity never hurt anyone. I just hope that she didn't bring a rabid squirrel or something.

"I got something for you." She smiles, pulling the towel up. To my surprise, Camille is holding a cage with an adorable blue parakeet sitting on one of the two perches. Oh my...I've always wanted a parakeet. I always love going to pet stores and watching them. Camille actually bought one for me?

"Camille-"

"I know how much you've been wanting one, so I talked to Mama Knight and your mom." She explains. "They thought that it would be a great idea. I bought her a few days ago and I've almost got her fully hand trained."

She shuts the door and sits the cage down, opening it and slowly reaching inside. I watch happily as the little bird steps onto her finger, letting her bring it over to me. She lets it step onto my shoulder and I give it a little smile. Wow, this little one is adorable. Aww, her chirps are so cute!

"You remembered." I say, still looking at the bird. I hesitantly reach out to stroke her head and she seems to enjoy it. I thought it took quite a while to tame them, but Camille seems to have done a pretty good job.

"And just so you know, I'm not trying to make you forgive me." She tells me. "I just remembered how much you wanted one."

"Well, I love her." I say, stroking the bird's head. "Does she have a name yet? I personally think she looks like a Skylar. You know, because she's blue like the sky."

"That's perfect." Camille grins. I chuckle as Skylar flaps her wings. This is probably the best I've felt since my horrific ordeal. Pets are really therapeutic, so having Skylar around should do me some good. She might even help speed up my recovery, so I can get out of here and I can go home and live my life. Besides, I don't know if they'll let a bird stay in the hospital with me. It'll be nice to get out of here so I can spend more time with her.

"This was really sweet of you." I say softly.

"I also talked to Doctor Garrison and he agrees that this will be good for you." She adds. "He said that Skylar can come to visit you every day."

"That's awesome." I smile, stroking Skylar's head again.

"I'm gonna go down to the cafeteria." Camille tells me. "I'll leave you two alone to get to know each other."

I give her a thumbs up and she leaves me alone with my awesome new pet, whom I already love. I think we're gonna be really good friends. Hopefully, she'll get along with Charleigh and the guys as well as she seems to be getting along with me. It might take them a while to get acquainted.

* * *

**James's POV**

When I show up at the hospital, I don't expect to see him with a bird on his finger. Yet here he is, sitting on his bed with a parakeet. I heard Mama Knight saying something about getting him a pet, but I didn't think anything had been purchased yet. Then again, I haven't been paying much attention to anything lately. Heck, I can barely concentrate on my homework. All I can think about is the fact that one of my best friends has anorexia.

"Dude, what up with the bird?" Kendall questions.

"Oh, this is Skylar." Logan responds. "Camille brought her to me last night."

"Aww, cute birdie!" Carlos coos. Although Logan doesn't have a smile on his face, I can tell that his new pet is comforting to him. I use to have a hamster named Mr. Hammy (hey, I was five!) and I loved him to death. If Skylar receives the proper care, she'll probably live to be anywhere from ten to fifteen years old.

"She's already somewhat tamed." Logan says as he puts Skylar back in her travel cage.

"Now that she's back in her cage, I think you need to get some more sleep." Kendall says, approaching the bed. Logan does look really tired. The circles under his eyes are ridiculous. If he hadn't starved himself, he wouldn't have to be so tired. When I go too long without eating, I feel terrible. Unlike Logan, however, I fix the problem by eating.

"Must you be so overprotective? I'll sleep when I wanna sleep." Logan sounds like he's getting moody again. He seems to get cranky a lot since he was brought to the hospital.

"We just want you to get better." Kendall says, tucking him in. I don't know why, but I don't feel as close to Logan lately. It probably has something to do with all the lying he did to us. I don't feel that I can trust him like I use to. Besides, this whole experience brings back some bad memories.

"Fine." Logan says bitterly. "Just let me rest."

* * *

**Charleigh's POV**

"I guess he realized what a loser he is." Some random blonde slut in my math class whispers to her posse. "He doesn't even belong in show business."

"It's too bad his attempt didn't succeed." Another girl, a brunette, replies. Alright, now they've crossed the line. People can call Logan a nerd, but I draw the line at them hoping for the success of his suicide attempt. I don't even care that I could get suspended for fighting. I am gonna give these skanks a peace of my mind.

"Hey!" I snap, getting out of my seat. I storm over to the blonde girl's desk and push her drink off her desk before grabbing her shirt and yanking her out of her seat. "I will not tolerate you talking about my brother like that."

I should have skipped school like the guys did. I would rather be at the hospital with Logan.

"Let her go!" The brunette yells at me. I roughly push her away, staring the other girl down. I'm glad that she looks scared. Since she seems to think she can say whatever she wants, she deserves to have some sense knocked into her. Who's gonna do it? Me! I'm not gonna stand back and let people talk about Logan like that.

"Charleigh, stop!" Britney says, grabbing my arm. "They're not worth it!"

"You know what?" I say suddenly, letting this skank go. "You're right."

I shoot the two girl's a dirty look before returning to my desk. It's a good thing that Britney stopped me from beating that girl. I don't feel like getting suspended, arrested, or sued. Besides, Logan would throw a fit if I got into a fight over him. He always tells me that fighting never solves anything. Yeah, says the guy that got into a altercation with some security guards at Gustavo's auditions.

"By the way, I know you're not a real blonde!" Maddie snaps at them. Alright, that sort of made me laugh. I can't say I'm in the best mood, but at least I have some good friends to cheer me up.

* * *

**Mama Knight's POV**

It's no secret that James, Carlos, and Logan are like sons to me. They may not be my biological children, but they're just as important to me as Kendall and Katie are. I've felt even more of a need to baby them lately. With Logan being sick, he could use all the care he can get. Not just from the hospital staff, but from his friends and family.

I think it's really sweet that Camille wanted to get Logan a pet. I think it'll be a good thing for him. Pets have been known to be a source of comfort. Logan seems to love his new parakeet, who is even cuter than I imagined. I am currently seeing Skylar for the first time, sitting in a chair next to her cage. I hope she won't get too scared when we have to take her home later. I don't think she's allowed to stay at the hospital, but she can come for daily visits.

"Logan," I say, touching his arm. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Not really." I shrug. "I feel so tired all the time."

"Well, at least you're on your way to recovery." I say, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. It breaks my heart seeing him like this. Every day, I try to understand why he became anorexic. Was he really so unhappy that he had to starve himself? The suicide attempt is even more frightening. He has nurses walking into his room several times a day because he's still on suicide watch.

Skylar chirps and a hint of a smile appears on his face. It's good to know that _something _him happy. I just wish that he had never done so much harm to himself. I'm not angry with him, though. I'm hurt and confused, but I don't think I could ever be angry with him. He made a mistake, but he's a really sweet boy.

"Mama Knight?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"Of course not." I say sadly, stroking his cheek. "I'm sad that you're like this, but you're getting help and that's all that matters, okay?"

"James hates me." He tells me.

"Honey, he does not hate you!"

"Yes, he does!" Logan cries. "When he's here, he hardly speaks me! He barely even looks at me! I'm telling you that he hates me and probably wishes that I were dead!"

"Hey!" I say firmly, sitting on the bed so I can be closer to him. "He was so hurt when you almost took your own life! Not to mention what it probably reminds him of what happened to Emily. But he doesn't hate you, baby." I gently pull him into a hug, kissing his temple. I can't believe how emotional he has become.

"How do you know that he doesn't?" Logan sniffles.

"Because I just know." I say sweetly. James may be upset about what happened, as we all are, but I know for a fact that he doesn't hate Logan. In fact, he's as overprotective of the poor kid as Kendall is. I don't know why Logan thinks that James hates him. As hurt as we all are, _none _of us could _ever _hate him.

"I hate myself, though." He whispers. "I ruined everything."

"You're human." I explain. "As human beings, we all make mistakes. I know I've had my fair share of mistakes growing up. However, I always made things right. I know you'll do the same. We all believe in you. Now you just need to believe in yourself."

"I..." He hesitates. "I don't know if I can."

* * *

**Do you all love Skylar the Parakeet as much as I do? I'm probably gonna get one in a few months and his/her name will be Skylar:D **

**Also, February is a special month because that's when I adopted Jade (my adorable little betta fish) earlier this year! :D**

**Review! :D**


	22. Painful Conversation

**Logan's POV**

The next month goes by ridiculously slow. I've gained a few pounds, which makes me horribly nervous, but everyone else seems to think that it's a good thing. If gaining weight will get me out of here faster, I guess it's okay. No, that doesn't mean that I'm enjoying the weight gain. I'm still having a hard time believing that I'm anorexic. Apparently I have a problem, though. Otherwise, I wouldn't be stuck here.

It's too bad that little Skylar isn't here with me. She's at the Palm Woods, getting properly adjusted to her new home. I've only had that bird for a month and I am completely in love. She's still getting use to her new life, but she's doing well. She actually sits on my shoulder now, which is really cool.

I hate to sound so negative, but I still hate being trapped in this hospital. Every time I ask someone how much longer I'll be in here, they always respond with "you've still got a long way to go!" Trust me, I think I would be a lot better off if I weren't stuck inside this hospital. For the love of God, at least let me go outside for a couple of hours.

"You don't look so happy today." Kendall sounds amused. I don't know why.

"I'm not." I say calmly. "Kendall, I haven't seen the outdoors in more than a month. If I don't get to see some sunlight, I think I'm gonna go insane."

"Well, in a way, you already-"

"Dude!" I pretend to be insulted, even though I'm aware that he was joking. He and Carlos have been really good when it comes to cheering me up, but James seems a bit distant. I wish he would open up. If he's mad at me, say so instead of being so quiet every time he visits! It bothers me.

"Alright, what are you thinking about?" He asks after he has stopped laughing.

"Has James said anything about me?"

"Um..." Kendall hesitates. "Honestly? Not much."

I was hoping for a different response. Why won't James just tell me what he's thinking? I would rather he just speak up instead of acting like I have a contagious illness. I'm anorexic! I don't have pneumonia. It would be nice if he would communicate. His silence around me is driving me crazy, maybe even more than being trapped in the hospital.

"Why won't he talk to me?" I frown.

"I don't know." Kendall shrugs. "I could find out, though."

"Could you?" I murmur. "I'm worried about him."

"Okay," Kendall assures me. "I'll talk to him."

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

Logan is worried about James, but I'm personally kind of irritated. I was concerned about him at first, but now I'm annoyed because Logan needs all of us to be there for him. The last thing he needs is for people to act like they're mad at him. Maybe James is feeling upset because of what happened, but he doesn't need to be distant around Logan. I'm just as scared and shocked as he is, but I'm not gonna let Logan know that.

I find James sitting on one of the benches outside the hospital, playing some game on his phone. Every once in a while, he sniffles, as if he has been crying. I can tell by the tear stains on his cheeks. I guess I still feel a little bad for him. I just want him to let Logan know that he still scares. The poor kid has been pretty insecure lately.

"You okay?" I ask, sitting next to him.

"Yeah." He says weakly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You look like you've been crying." I respond, putting my arm around his shoulders. I watch him closely as he looks at the concrete floor. I don't know what to do. Logan is anorexic, Carlos is becoming a pessimist, and James is depressed. I wanna take care of my friends, but this is a lot for even me to handle.

"Kendall, I'm fine." He whispers. I look toward the entrance and see Carlos watching us. I sigh and rub James's back as he wipes his tearful eyes. Man, I had no idea that he was struggling with Logan's eating disorder this much. When something is bothering us, we usually talk about it. Before Logan got sick, we could tell each other anything.

"No, you're not." I argue. "You're upset about something."

"Kendall-"

"Come on," I say, giving him a gentle squeeze. "I know what happened to Logan was bad and it brings back some bad memories for you, but you're upsetting him by being so distant. All he wants is for you to tell him how you're really feeling."

He looks at me, his eyes full of pain. I hate that he's so upset and I'm no longer as irritated as I was before. I just want him to talk to Logan. It would do them both a lot of good.

"Okay," He says softly. "I'll...I'll talk to him."

* * *

**James's POV**

What am I suppose to say to Logan? I don't wanna upset him, but I have some very strong opinions about his condition. How could he do this to himself? How could he be so stupid? He should have known that he's perfect just the way he is. He didn't need to lose weight. I'm sorry, but I just can't get over the fact that he's in the hospital for an eating disorder and suicide attempt.

He's watching the TV right now and I'm not sure if I wanna interrupt him, but he apparently wants me to talk to him, so I'm gonna do it. I slowly enter the room, immediately getting his attention. There's an awkward moment of silence as he turns the TV off, neither of us knowing the right thing to say.

"Kendall said that you wanted to talk." I quietly shut the door.

"Well, yeah-"

I sit in one of the chairs next to his bed, watching him closely. The hospital lets him wear his own clothes, so he'll be more comfortable. He apparently feels more comfortable in sweatpants and a T shirt. I personally would dress up whether I were in the hospital or not, but whatever. I would at least keep my lucky comb with me...and my favorite jacket.

"You didn't think about the rest of us at all, Logan." I finally say. I'm about to snap completely. I can feel it.

"Excuse me?" Logan whispers.

"I'm serious." I say with a humorless laugh. "When you tried to take your own life, all you thought about was you! You never once considered the rest of us? I mean, how could you be so stupid?!"

Alright, maybe I shouldn't have said that out loud. Considering Logan's mental state, calling him stupid is not a good idea at all. He's much more sensitive than he use to be. Gosh, what was I thinking? I never meant to hurt him. I just...You see? This is exactly why I didn't wanna open up to him yet. I would only end up saying something I would regret.

"Alright, you know what?" He snaps, sitting up. "You think I don't feel bad about what happened? It kills me every time I think about it, James! And I don't know why the hell I did it! But you have no right to call me stupid for making a damn mistake! I'm doing the best I can, yet you have the nerve to say something like that! God, I can't believe you!"

I feel myself tearing up again. This was a huge mistake. I should have stayed at home. He wonders why I've been so distant? It's not just because this reminds me of what happened to Emily, but also because I would probably end up making Logan mad. From what I can tell, he's beyond furious.

"Yes, James, I am _very _sick and I brought it on myself, but don't you dare make me like I'm the worst person out there." He snarls.

"Logan, I never said that!" I say desperately.

"You might as well have!" He shouts back. "If you think I'm so stupid and worthless, why even talk to me? Do us both a favor and stay away from me! Don't come to the hospital, don't do anything! Just leave me ALONE!"

"Is everything alright?" A nurse asks, peeking her head through the door. When she sees Logan's current state, she immediately rushes to his head, gently pushing him out of the way. He looks like he's about to hyperventilate. I definitely don't think I'll be coming back anytime soon. I'm gonna give him some space. I'm no good for him right now.

"I've gotta go." I gulp, getting out of this room. Wiping tears away from my cheeks, I hold back a sob as I head for the elevator. Once I'm inside, I don't bother holding back the cries anymore.

* * *

**Sorry that this is being posted late! Also, it's a little shorter than other chapters! I got out of school for Christmas break today and I had to relax:P**

**Also, the Nothing Even Matters sequel will be posted either tomorrow night or Saturday:)**

**Review! :D**


	23. Nobody's Perfect

**Carlos's POV**

Whenever I press the button on the elevator, I don't expect James to walk past me in tears. I'm almost tempted to go after him, but it's usually best to leave people alone for a while when they're upset. So I just enter the elevator and press the second floor button, wondering why James is sad. What about Logan? Is he okay? I hope so. I hope that they didn't get into a bad fight.

I've been hating this situation more and more every day. None of us are really certain if Logan has made any improvement at all. Doctor Garrison thinks that he's doing a little better, though. I suppose we should take that as reassurance. It's hard to see anything positively, though. Whenever we visit, Logan still looks really tired and sick.

Ding!

I leave the elevator and go to the ICU, which I'm getting quite tired of visiting. I want Logan home with us, healthy and happy like he use to be. I wanna see him smile more often and actually laugh every once in a while. When we visit him at the hospital, he'll smile maybe once and never do it again for the rest of the visit. It's depressing!

I arrive at Logan's room to find him asleep. I watch him for a moment before walking into the room. When I approach the bed, I can see that there are tear stains on his cheeks. He and James must have had a pretty...emotional conversation. Should I be more worried about James or Logan? Honestly, I'm concerned about both of them.

I reach out to squeeze his shoulder, sitting in one of the chairs. Occasionally, he'll sniffle in his sleep. I wanna know what happened, but I don't wanna upset him even more than he already is. I'll just ask James later. Logan doesn't need us talking about it in front of him. We need to talk about happy things around him.

"What are you doing here?" He whispers, his eyes opening.

"I just wanted to see you." I reply.

"Hey, do you think I was stupid for attempting to kill myself?" He asks me.

"What...Logan, where is this coming from?"

"James told me that I wasn't thinking about anyone but myself and he called me stupid." Logan says softly. I look at him with disbelief. Yeah, attempting suicide wasn't a good choice, but he's not stupid. He made a mistake! The last thing he needs is for people to call him stupid and kicking him when he's already down. James is suppose to be his friend! Friends don't hurt each other like that.

"Logan, you are _not _stupid." I say, grabbing his hand. "You messed up, there's no denying that, but you're not stupid. James had no right to say that to you."

I can tell just by looking at his face that he doesn't believe me. Why doesn't he believe me? He's Logan, for crying out loud! He's smarter than Kendall, James, and I, that's for sure! Yeah, he finally reached his breaking point, but we saved him! Now he can get better! I don't think that we should dwell on what happened!

Yeah, I've been feeling pessimistic sometimes, but I try to be as positive as I can.

"Maybe he was right." Logan says. "Maybe I am stupid."

"Stop saying that!" I say sternly, still holding onto his hand. He looks like he's gonna start crying again, so I gently sit on the edge of the bed and reach out to give him a hug. I wish I could tell if he has gained any weight or not. He weighed 175 pounds before he became anorexic and Doctor Garrison wants to get him back to that weight before even considering letting him go.

"I screwed up!" Logan whimpers. "I know that, but I don't see why James had to rub it in."

"We'll worry about James later." I say, letting him lay back down. "You don't need to get stressed."

"Do you think you could have someone bring Skylar over?" He asks me. I smile at the love he has for that little bird. She has grown on me too. I love playing with her when she's not at the hospital with Logan. She hasn't quite gotten use to all of us yet, but I think she's getting there. She seems to like me a lot. Not as much as she loves Logan, though.

"Sure." I say, hugging him before getting off the bed. I wave at him before leaving the room. Skylar always manages to cheer him up. If it were possible, Mama Knight and Logan's mom would probably have her staying at the hospital with him all the time. He always seems happy when he has his new pet with him.

I just wish that we could have the same effect on him.

* * *

Okay, as soon as I see James standing outside the hospital with Kendall, I feel a strong urge to tell him off. How could he call Logan stupid? A true friend doesn't say stuff like that. I don't even care about him being a little upset because he was mean enough to put Logan down. I'm normally pretty sympathetic, but not this time. I'm gonna stand up for Logan!

"How dare you call Logan stupid?!" I yell, pushing him.

"Carlos, stop!" Kendall says, grabbing me. How can he tell me to stop? Doesn't he realize the seriousness of what James said? The last thing Logan needs is for us to remind him of his mistake. It's no secret that he messed up, but we sure as hell shouldn't be rubbing it in his face. I wish Kendall would let me go so I could teach James a lesson.

"James, attempting suicide wasn't a good decision for Logan to make, but he doesn't need us reminding him!" I shout. "How could you say something like that to him?! I'm sure he already feels bad enough, then you had the nerve to make him feel even worse! What kind of friend are you?!"

"Well, I'm sorry!" James snaps. "You won't have to worry anymore because I'm never coming back to this hospital again!"

"Good!" I say coldly before pulling myself out of Kendall's grip. I roughly push past James and walk to the Big Time Rush mobile. James is such a jerk. How did we even end up being friends in the first place? We're nothing alike.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

I don't hate James for what he said. I'm just really hurt. I know what I did was bad, but I don't see why he had to say something like that. You know what? Sometimes I wish that they had just let me die. If they hadn't found me when they did, I would be dead. They should have left me alone. We wouldn't be having all these problems if I was dead.

Mom got me a special journal (Don't worry! It's a manly looking journal) to record my thoughts in. Doctor Garrison thinks that it'll be good for me. As soon as Carlos left, I grabbed it and started another entry. I have to say, there's some stuff in here that I would rather keep private. It would only upset people if they read my entries. I let out all my most personal thoughts, so I wanna keep it unread by anyone except me.

_TODAY: April 15, 2012_

_According to James, I'm stupid for attempting to take my own life. Doesn't he see that I know that? However, maybe I should have died. No one would have to be so stressed out if they had just left me to die. They wouldn't have to worry about hospital bills and crap like that. I know that they all love me, but they would be a lot better off if I weren't around. They may not think so, but they would be._

_Carlos is gonna bring Skylar over in a little bit. She's an adorable blue parakeet that Camille got for me. She's only about four months old and she's still adjusting to her new home, but she has already taken a liking to me. Although I'm still a bit upset about Camille ditching me for Steve, I'm not as mad as I was before. It was really sweet for her to get me such an awesome pet._

_Sincerely, Logan_

That's my entry for today. I try to write every day because it's quite calming. Anyway, I wonder what I'm gonna do about this situation with James. I feel like our relationship is falling apart. Kendall and Carlos have been very supportive of me, while James does whatever he can to avoid talking to me.

I hate that.

Seriously, I _really _hate it.

* * *

**Charleigh's POV**

"You're not doing it right!" I snap before repeating the moves to the Glee Club's latest performance.

"Well, excuse us for being so exhausted!" Britney retorts.

"Yeah, we've been at this for four hours." Maddie complains. I roll my eyes and dance some more, ignoring their complains. The Glee Club has a performance coming up and we're gonna sing Ellie Goulding's song "Anything Could Happen." We have a great routine for it, but certain people aren't trying hard enough.

"If you're so exhausted, just go home!" I growl, turning to face them.

"You know what, Charleigh? I think we'll take you up on that offer." Britney pushes me out of the way and walks off the stage, grabbing her backpack. Maddie does the same and I, along with the rest of the group, watch as they storm out of the auditorium. Alright, we can rehearse without...wait, where is everyone else going? WE NEED TO REHEARSE!

"Where are you guys going?" I ask frantically.

"You've lost it." I hear one of the guys say. My jaw drops and I watch with horror as the whole club leaves. How are we gonna be any good if we don't practice? After all, practice makes perfect. I'm only pushing them so hard because I want us to be the very best. Don't they care at all? Do they want us to be embarrassed in front of the whole school? That's certainly the way it looks.

"FINE!" I yell. "I don't need you! I'll do this by myself!"

But everyone is already gone. Aww, I'm alone...again. I guess I'm a little tense because of the whole situation with Logan. I've been working even harder with Glee Club lately because I need to get my mind off my sick brother. Hell, I just got a text from James saying that he's sorry because he may have called Logan stupid. I ended up sending him a strongly worded text in response.

What am I suppose to do now?!" I whine.

"Oh, and Charleigh?" Britney calls out as she and Maddie peek their heads into the auditorium. "We quit."

"WHAT?!" I shriek.

"You heard us!"

My eyes widen with shock. Seriously? They're gonna quit just because I happened to be a little bit pushy. Sue me for wanting us to not suck! I mean, can't anyone handle a little constructive criticism anymore? My math teacher goes at me all the time, but you don't see me walking out of math class!

You know what? I don't need them. I can practice all by myself. So what if my dance partner happened to ditch me along with the rest of the club? I don't need him, I don't need Britney, I don't need Maddie, I don't need any of them! If I have to, I will drag James to the auditorium tomorrow and force _him _to be my dance partner. He's cute, he can sing, and he can dance!

"Great." I grumble, sitting on the stage. "When did life suddenly decide to go completely wrong?"

I might as well become a hobo or a circus clown. My brother is ill, my fellow Glee Club members ditched me, two of my best friends are sick of me, and I feel like I'm nearing complete insanity. Maybe I need to check into the psychiatric ward.

* * *

**No one has reviewed chapter 22 yet:( I did post it a little later, though, so maybe that has something to do with it!**

**Review! :D**


	24. Scandal

**Logan's POV**

"You are at 130 now." Stephanie, my nutritionist, tells me. "You're doing pretty well. You still have a long way to go, though. However, I think you're ready to be transferred over to the psychiatric ward."

I step off the scale, thought of weighing 130 pounds putting a bad feeling in my stomach. Deep down, I know it's good that I'm gaining weight, but anorexia causes weight gain to make me nervous. I tried so hard to lose that weight, but now I'm gaining it back. Mom keeps saying that she's proud of me for trying to get better, but I don't see what there is to be proud of. I feel stupid for ending up like this in the first place.

Speaking of stupid, James and I haven't spoken in two days. I don't wanna be angry with him, but I don't need people reminding me of how stupid I was. I'll admit that I've done some stupid things recently, but I'm in no condition to be called stupid. As of right now, I'm just trying my best to get better. I never meant to hurt anyone. I don't know what came over me, but I wanna be better.

"You can go back to your room, while Doctor Garrison makes the arrangements."

"Am I going to a mental hospital or-"

"We have a psychiatric ward here." Stephanie (no, not Stephanie King) tells me. I breathe a sigh of relief as I step into the hallway. I certainly didn't wanna be sent over to some other hospital designed for crazy people. Other than being anorexic, I like to think that I'm pretty normal. I enjoy girls, sports, music, and all that stuff. Yeah, I happen to keep a journal and I have a pet parakeet that I treat like my own child, but that's no big deal.

I enter my room where I see Skylar happily sitting on a perch in her portable cage. I give her a smile as I approach the cage, opening it and reaching inside. I hold my finger in front of her and she chirps happily as she steps onto it, letting me remove her from the cage. I stroke her head as I sit on the bed. I can tell that she enjoys the attention.

"Sky, do you wanna watch the TV?" I ask, grabbing the remote. I turn the TV on before sitting the remote down, stroking the little bird's chest. She chirps again and I chuckle, watching her closely. When I get out of the hospital, I will be taking full responsibility for her care. Since I can't be at home right now, everyone else has been taking care of her for me.

"You can perch on the railing here." I say, letting her sit on the railing of my bed. I lay back down, surprised when Skylar flaps her wings and flies over to me, sitting on my chest. Um, okay! I guess she wants to sit on me, rather than next to me. She has gotta be the most affectionate bird I've ever seen.

"Alright!" I shrug, keeping my eyes on the TV. I don't concentrate easily due to Skylar's chirping, but it doesn't bother me. Her chirps are actually kind of relaxing. She has a very sweet and adorable chirp. She's so talkative.

"Baby, are you in the mood for a visitor?"

I look up to see Mom, standing in the doorway with a smile on her face. I give her a smile in response, while getting Skylar to step back onto my finger. I get off the bed and put her back in the cage before turning around, surprised when Mom wraps her arms around me. I think she knows how bad I feel about what James said, so she has been extra nice to me lately.

"I see you've been spending some time with that bird." She tells me, kissing my cheek.

"Yeah, she's awesome." I reply. She helps me back into bed and pulls the covers up to my waist. "Hey, I visited with my nutritionist today! Apparently, I'm up to 130 pounds."

"That's great, honey." Mom says, squeezing my hand. I wonder if the guys are gonna visit. They said that they have to meet with Gustavo, Kelly, and Griffin to decide what's gonna happen with Big Time Rush, so I'm hoping that they'll show up and tell me how it turned out. I hope that he isn't gonna drop us.

"Hey, why don't you go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat?" I suggest.

"I'll get something for you too."

I'm only thinking about one thing as she leaves. The fact that the thought of eating still makes me nervous. I eat willingly now (well, most of the time), but I still get scared of gaining weight. When I entered the hospital, I was told that I was underweight and needed to _gain _pounds, which is why I've started trying to eat normally. I can't really say that I'm normal yet, though. Food still intimidates me.

I hope it won't be this way forever.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"I'm freaking out." Carlos whispers.

"Why?" James questions.

"Why do you care?" Carlos snaps. I sigh heavily, wishing that they would make up already. I'm not happy about what James said to Logan either, but I'm not gonna be flat out angry with him either. To be honest, although he probably went about it the wrong way, he's right. What Logan did _was _stupid. I mean, attempting to take his own life? Starving himself? I don't understand what pushed him to go down such an awful path.

"Dogs, we have some good news and some bad news." Gustavo says as he, Kelly, and Griffin walk into the meeting room. Um, I think I wanna hear the good news first. I have a feeling that bad news should be saved for last.

"Tell us the good news." James says nervously.

"The good news is that you're not getting dropped from the record label." Griffin announces. "And the bad news..." he takes a magazine from Kelly and shows us the front cover. "is right here on the latest issue of Pop Tiger."

"What?!" I question in a panic, grabbing the magazine from him. A photograph of Logan following us out of the studio, looking quite out of it, is on the front cover.**Logan Mitchell: Suicide, eating disorders, and drug addiction? **Are they serious? Who told them that Logan was into drugs? I mean, he was taking those horrid diet pills, but...okay, I need to read this article thoroughly.

I turn to the story and begin reading. It doesn't say anything about Logan being on heroin or cocaine, but it does mention him abusing diet pills. I thought that they only knew about his eating disorder and suicide attempt. No one even told the magazine exactly how Logan attempted to take his own life! How did they find out about the pills?

"This is becoming a major scandal, guys." Kelly informs us. "This story only mentions the diet pills, but people are starting to suspect that he had been using other drugs too. We're concerned that this may have a negative effect on his reputation."

"Kelly's right." Gustavo agrees. "You boys are role models and now that this is coming out, that's not looking so good. So we're gonna have to do some damage control if we wanna save your rep."

I cannot believe this. Big Time Rush is a kid friendly band! We have fans of all ages! Just because Logan has struggled with anorexia and suicidal tendencies...it doesn't mean that he's a bad role model. If anything, he's a great role model because he's getting help and striving to become a better person.

"So we're screwed." James says quietly.

"Not entirely." Griffin assures us. "You can go on some interviews and get back on the public's good side. It's not impossible to fix things."

It better not be...and how are we gonna explain this to Logan? He's still not entirely emotionally stable, so I can only imagine how he might take the news. I have a feeling that his reaction won't be too good. Oh no, what if he has a panic attack? We can't keep this a secret from him, though. He deserves to know what's going on.

"I guess we better get to the hospital." Carlos says softly. I nod in agreement as we stand up, dreading this particular hospital visit.

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

"James? Aren't you coming?" Kendall asks when James heads for the waiting room.

"I'm gonna stay out here." James replies. I don't care what he does, as long as he doesn't bother Logan. I refuse to forgive him for calling Logan stupid. That was the last thing that Logan needed to hear, but James didn't think about that. No, all he thought about was himself and his feelings! He didn't bother to think about Logan's current state of mind and the fact that he gets upset easily.

"Let's go." Kendall says, leading me down the hallway to ICU. We arrive at Logan's room and see him and Charleigh sitting on his bed, playing with Skylar. It's nice that he has such a loving pet to care for. He always seems a lot happier when she's around. It's not a bad thing, but I do feel bad that we can't give him that same comfort.

"Hey, dorks!" Charleigh says, putting Skylar on Logan's shoulder.

"Don't be rude!" Logan says, ruffling her hair. I clutch the magazine in my hand, starting to freak out just a little more. I've never been involved in a scandal before. One time, the media somehow got a picture of me trying to bungee jump off the roof of my house, but people thought that was cute and funny, so it doesn't really count as a scandal.

"Buddy, we've got some...bad news." Kendall says carefully.

"Is everything okay?" Logan asks, worry in his voice.

"Actually, no." Kendall says, taking the magazine from me. For a moment, he hesitates, but he finally hands Logan the magazine. I walk closer to the bed and reach out to Skylar, hoping that she can provide me with a distraction from my anxiety. I'm just praying to God that Logan doesn't have one of those panic attacks where he has to be sedated. That happens less frequently now, but that doesn't mean that it never happens at all.

"They know about the diet pills?" He whispers.

"I'm afraid so, buddy." Kendall says, touching his shoulder.

"But...how could this happen? No one told them about the pills..." Logan whispers.

"Someone apparently enjoys gossiping." I say as Skylar steps onto my finger. Charleigh wraps her arms around Logan, trying her best to keep him calm. I can see tears in his eyes, but at least he's not freaking out completely. I don't think I could handle seeing him get sedated again. It's such an awful thing to watch.

"Kelly also told us that people are also starting to suspect that you abused other drugs too." Kendall says gently. Logan looks so scared and it just breaks my heart. As much as I love living in LA and having a successful music career, I sometimes hate the media because they love to make up lies about people. Logan has some problems, but I know that he has never touched heroin, cocaine, marijuana, or any other drug. Just the diet pills!

"We're gonna fix it, though." Kendall tells him. "We'll set the record straight, okay?"

"O-okay." Logan stammers. Kendall nods and gives him a hug, while I just watch them. I've done TV and radio interviews before, but they were never done to clear up some controversy. We've done interviews to promote albums and whatnot, but not to fix scandals. Oh, I'm gonna have to take some aspirin when I get home.

"Don't worry about it." Charleigh tells him. "Just relax and try to keep your mind off of it."

"I will." Logan says, taking a shaky breath. "If I can."

* * *

**The Nothing Even Matters sequel will be posted later! :D**

**Review! :D**


	25. Repairing A Broken Friendship

**James's POV**

Knock! Knock!

"I'm not in the mood to talk!" I say, running my lucky comb through my hair. We're at the studio where Wake Up, It's Wendy! is filmed. I've watched this woman's show before and she's really cool, but I can see why some people might find her annoying. She has a tendency to talk a little too much. I know she's a talk show host, but really? From what I've seen, she's quite the chatterbox.

"Dude, it's just me."

"Charleigh?"

I sigh softly, keeping my eyes on the mirror. I can't stop thinking about Logan and what happened between us. We haven't spoken or even seen each other in a whole week. I miss him, but I know that he doesn't wanna talk to me. I'm not gonna force him to have anything to do with me if he doesn't want to.

"Just wanted to wish you guys good luck." Charleigh says, standing behind me. "I know you guys will make things right."

I hope that she's right about that. I can't stand hearing people say that Logan has been using drugs. I know Logan better than that. I don't really think that diet pills count as a hard core drug. He was abusing them, but I don't feel like that's the same as using heroin, cocaine, or some other crap like that.

"You think?" I say softly.

"Yeah." Charleigh says, placing her hands on my shoulders. She was angry at me for a couple of days after my fight with Logan, but she got over it pretty fast, unlike Carlos, who still hasn't forgiven me. I don't understand why he's being so hard on me. Even Kendall realizes that I was only frustrated about the situation. I never meant to hurt Logan! I just hate having to visit him in a freaking hospital.

"I never meant to say...you know, what I said." I say, wiping my eyes. I keep hoping that Logan and Carlos will stop hating me and everything can get better, but I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon. Every time Carlos looks at me, there's such anger in his eyes. As for Logan, I'm too afraid to set foot in his room.

"You got upset." Charleigh answers. "You were simply expressing how you felt and...you snapped. You ended up saying something you would regret later. Everyone does that sometimes."

Wow...I called her brother stupid and she's not threatening to kill me. She sent me a pretty...intense text when I first told her what I said, but I am relieved to know that she's not angry anymore. It's bad enough that Carlos and Logan aren't speaking to me, but Charleigh? I couldn't stand the thought of her hating me.

"I just feel so bad." I finally say. "I want us to be friends again, but I'm terrified to go anywhere near him. Chances are, he'll start screaming at me. I don't wanna go through that. I care about him, but I don't think he wants me around. I'm gonna give him some space, you know? I think he needs it."

"You might be right." Charleigh says, grabbing my lucky comb. She keeps talking as she combs my hair for me. "But I think that Logan does wanna talk to you. He's just as scared as you. Besides, maybe you can use this interview to your advantage."

"Apologize to him on TV?"

"Something like that." Charleigh smiles, putting the comb down. I nod, a smile coming to my face. I know that Logan plans on watching us, so I use this opportunity to let him know how sorry I am. Hopefully, he'll accept my apology and we can be friends again. Charleigh can be pretty smart sometimes.

"Thanks for the advice." I grin as I get up, giving her a quick hug before leaving the dressing room. I think it's almost time for the interview to begin.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"You boys are even cuter in person!" Wendy squeals, hugging each of us. We smile politely, but we're a little nervous. We're here to clear up the rumors about Logan's supposed drug use. Well, it's all lies and that's what we're gonna tell Wendy. Yes, Logan did take diet pills, but he never touched any hard core drugs. I don't want Logan's reputation to be ruined because of some stupid rumors.

"We're really excited to be here." I reply. "We're big fans."

"Awesome! Really, really, REALLY awesome!" Wendy says cheerfully. The guys and I smile again, even though Wendy is a little bit...hyper? I don't think I've ever seen a talk show host as crazy as her. Whenever I see her on TV, she is friendly to the point of being a bit creepy. I guess she's pretty cool, though.

"I understand you guys are here to talk about some recent rumors regarding your bandmate and best friend, Logan Mitchell." She says. Yeah, that's what I was waiting for. I just want everyone to know that Logan was not a drug addict. Yeah, he had some problems, but drugs weren't one of the problems. It was only suicide and eating disorders. I don't even wanna think about him having any other problems.

"Yeah." James nods. "We first heard about the rumors when we read about it in the new issue of Pop Tiger. Apparently, someone knew about Logan using diet pills. Then we found out that people are saying that he also used cocaine and heroin. He took diet pills sometimes, but he never touched any other drug."

I glance at Carlos and although it's not noticeable to anyone else, I know him well enough to see that he's mad at James. I wish he would stop, though. James was only being, well, brutally honest. What Logan did was bad and, quite frankly, really stupid. I personally wouldn't say it to his face, but James simply told Logan how he felt.

"What exactly did happen to him? I've been hearing different stories all over the place." Wendy tells us.

"He had been struggling with anorexia and bulimia for a few months." I explain. "One day, I guess the pressure got to him and he tried to overdose on...diet pills. Luckily, James found him and we got him to the hospital before his attempt could succeed. We remember finding him barely conscious on his bedroom floor and...it was the scariest thing we've ever experienced."

"How is he doing now?"

"He's doing a lot better." Carlos finally speaks up. "When he got to the hospital, they checked him into the ICU for a while and put him on suicide watch. Just a few days ago, the doctors decided to transfer him to the hospital's psychiatric ward."

I can't believe that Logan is in a psychiatric ward. I know it's the best thing for him, though. According to Doctor Garrison, his physical healthy has improved significantly, but there's still a lot of work to be done as far as his mental health goes. He's not entirely stable yet and he won't be able to leave the hospital until he is deemed stable enough.

"Do you know when he might get out?"

"He'll probably be in there for a few more weeks." I say. "We wanna make sure that he's healthy enough before he leaves. We're really proud of him for making so much progress, but he's not ready to be let out yet. He has a long way to go before he's back to normal."

"Um," James hesitates. "I actually have something I would like to say."

"Tell us, tell us, tell us!" Wendy chirps. Oh, dear God...

"A few days ago, I said something that I regret so much, something that I know I shouldn't have said." James begins. "For a while after he was admitted to the hospital, I avoided him because I was just so scared of what had happened. Then I finally got the courage to talk to him and I guess I freaked out on him. I started ranting about how stupid he was for all the things he did to himself. I was wrong, though. He's not perfect, but no one is. We all make mistakes and...I should have remember that. So...I'm sorry, Logan. I hope you'll forgive me."

"Awww..." Wendy and the rest of the audience say in unison. If that doesn't earn James Logan's forgiveness, I don't know what will.

**Thirty minutes later**

"Boys, you were fantastic, fantastic, FANTASTIC!" Wendy says once the show is finished.

"Wendy, the show is over." I say politely. "You don't have to talk like that anymore."

"Oh, it takes me twenty minutes after every show to stop talking like this!" Wendy says with a big smile. "It does, it does, it really does!"

Okay, it's official. She really _is _the strangest talk show host ever.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

I stare at the TV with tears in my eyes. James apologized to me on live television. That...I don't even know what to say. It was really nice of him to do that and...my anger at him is gone, but...he didn't have to apologize in front of the whole world. He could have just came to me in person, but he apologized in front of everyone. I'm really touched that he would do that, but I wasn't expecting it.

"Are you gonna talk to James?" Mom asks me, squeezing my hand. I sigh softly as she kisses my temple, resting my head on her shoulder. I'm in my new room in the psychiatric ward, which isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Everyday, I go through group counseling, nutritional counseling, psychotherapy, as well as being put on an antidepressant.

"I don't think I've heard him sound so genuine about anything before." I tell her.

"He cares about you, honey." She tells me. "We all do."

I nod, smiling softly. I definitely have plenty of supporters, such as my friends and family. For a while, I just felt like I was alone, but I'm not. Mom, Charleigh, Kendall, James, Carlos, Kelly, and even Gustavo and Griffin! Why didn't I realize that before? I wish I had paid more attention.

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

"I'm sorry I was such a jerk to you." I tell James as we walk to the psychiatric ward.

"Don't worry about it." James says with a soft smile.

"If you idiots ever get into another fight again, someone is gonna get hit." Charleigh says adamantly, walking past us. Okay, why does James seem so attracted to her? I thought that he would be interested in someone a little more...innocent? Soft spoken? Sweeter? No offense to Logan, but his sister is a...well, you know. Anyway, she wouldn't be able to hit me because I took karate for three years. I'm tiny, but I can give a good beat down when I need to.

We arrive at Logan's room, surprised to find him _standing _by his bed. When he first arrived at the hospital, he spent a lot of time in bed. Now he seems to be a bit more active. That's a good thing! It means that he's getting better.

"I saw the interview." He says.

"Oh...you did." James replies quietly. Out of nowhere, Logan walks up to James and gives him a tight hug, which Kendall and I soon join. From the corner of my eye, I see Charleigh wrapping her arms around James's waist, a small smile on her face. Kendall and I both give her curious looks.

"I thought you weren't interested in him." Kendall reminds her.

"Shut up, Blondie."

"Well, I'm just saying!" Kendall laughs. "Every time he hits on you, you insist that you're not into him, but you seem to enjoy having your hands all over him." He yelps when Charleigh kicks his leg and when I laugh, she does the same to me, quickly letting go of James. Okay, remind me to never tease her again. I'm definitely gonna have a bruise soon.

"Charleigh and James, sitting-"

"Don't make me hit you too, Logiebear."

"Hey, only Mom is allowed to call me that!"

"Yeah? Well, too bad!"

* * *

**I loved that last scene where Kendall, Carlos, and Logan were teasing Charleigh:P**

**Review! :D**


	26. We Just Want It To Be Over

**Logan's POV**

"So...your therapist wants to meet with all four of us?" Kendall questions while we wait in Doctor Chase's office.

"Yep." I keep myself distracted by admiring the paintings on the walls. Doctor Chase is a big art enthusiast. She actually told me that she plans on visiting a new art museum that just opened a few miles from her home. Maybe I should go see it once I get out of here. Doctor Garrison told me that if I continue to make more progress at the rate that I have been, I could be out of here in as little as three weeks!

"What are we gonna talk about anyway?" James whines.

"Dude, I've been to a therapist before." Carlos snorts. "She's just gonna have us talking about Logan's problems, how we feel, and whatnot."

I hope that this isn't gonna be an awkward session. I don't even really care for going to therapy, but it's a part of my treatment plan so I have no choice. I have to go, whether I like it or not. Mom thinks that it's great for me. I'm sorry, but I feel weird telling all my thoughts to a complete stranger. Isn't that what family and friends are for?

"Look, let's just answer whatever questions she asks us." Kendall says, squeezing my shoulder.

"Besides, the faster I cooperate, the sooner I can go home." I grumble. I'm not feeling comfortable sitting up, so I change positions and lay on the couch, quietly thanking Kendall when he places a pillow under my head. As nice as it is, I hope that no one will baby me when I'm released. I'm perfectly capable of having some independence.

"We can't wait until you come home." Carlos says softly. I nod in silent agreement, hardly being able to help feeling sympathy for him. His innocence makes it awfully hard not to feel sorry for him. You know, not a day goes by that I don't have regret for everything I've put my loved ones through. Sometimes I hate myself for it. I mean, how could I let it get so bad?

"I can't wait until I'm back at home with you guys." I smile.

"We're gonna throw a huge party for you when you get out of here." James tells me. I chuckle, knowing that he's looking for an excuse to break out his Hollywood Super Party Kings Of Hollywood outfit. Come to think of it, that would provide me with some amusement when I get home.

"Okay, Jay." I laugh. "You can throw me a party."

"You seem like you're in a good mood." Kendall points out.

"Eh, I guess I'm not feeling so bad." I shrug.

"It's the antidepressants, isn't it?" Carlos says.

"What?"

"The antidepressants." Carlos repeats. "It's the antidepressants that are making you happy."

"Carlos, I've only been taking them for a little over a week." I explain. "It takes six to eight weeks for them to start taking effect. I'm genuinely happy, okay? It's not the antidepressants, buddy."

"Promise?"

I sit up and move to sit next to him on the other couch. "I promise."

"Are you boys ready to get started?"

Now, let the therapy begin.

Yippee...

"Okay, let's talk!" Doctor Chase chirps, sitting in the only empty chair available. "Logan, how have you been doing?"

"Um, okay! I weigh 135 pounds now." I reply. I have to resist cringing at the thought of the weight I've gained. Everyone else seems so proud of me for the improvement I've made, but I don't feel as proud of myself. There's still the anorexic part of me that criticizes me for even the slightest weight gain.

"That's good." Doctor Chase tells me. "It means that you're getting better." She proceeds to look at the guys. "You boys must be Kendall, James, and Carlos. Logan has mentioned you three quite a lot."

I hope she's not gonna tell them every single thing we've talked about. Last week, I admitted that I sometimes feel jealous of them. Kendall for his bravery, James for his good looks, and Carlos for his lovable personality. What do I have? Brains? I wanna be strong like Kendall, attractive like James, and lovable like Carlos. The way I see it, there's nothing particularly fascinating about me.

"Yeah, that's us." Kendall nods.

"How long have you all known Logan?"

"When he moved to Minnesota from Texas in third grade." Carlos answers. "He was eating alone on his first day, so we invited him to sit with us. We've been best friends ever since!"

"Has Logan ever shown any signs of insecurity about himself before?" Doctor Chase questions curiously. I anxiously look at them, hoping that they won't say too much. My therapist doesn't have to know every detail about me.

"Maybe sometimes." James admits.

"James-"

"He has always been a little on the shy side and he was picked on a lot when we were younger." Carlos adds.

"Carlos!"

"Yeah." Kendall agrees. "One time, when we were in fifth grade, some older kids were being mean to him and I found him crying in a stall in the boy's restroom. I remembering him asking why people hated him and he asked me if they would still pick on him if he were cooler or better looking."

Alright, that's it. I can't sit here and listen to them talk about the bullying I endured throughout elementary school. So I get off the couch and head for the door, even as the guys worriedly call out to me. Doctor Chase...had no right to ask them that, knowing how they would likely respond. One time, she asked me if I've ever been bullied and I told her that I didn't feel comfortable talking about it.

"I'll talk to him." Kendall says. Then I hear the door open and footsteps following me. I begin walking faster, desperate to get away from him. He walk around the corner and into an empty hallway, shaking. I still have panic attacks sometimes, but I really thought that I had gotten them somewhat under control.

"Logan!"

"Leave me alone!" I yell.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He pulls me into a hug.

"You know what!" I retort, pulling away. "I never wanna talk about all the bullying ever again! I've told you guys that a million times and I even told Doctor Chase that I don't feel comfortable talking about it. I mean, did you really have to bring it up?"

"Man, you look like you're gonna be sick." Kendall says, reaching out to me. I start to shake my head, but the all too familiar feeling of my stomach lurching interrupts me. I run to the nearest restroom, stumbling into an empty stall. Dropping to my knees in front of the toilet, I cough and gag until the contents of my stomach pour into the porcelain bowl.

"Hey...Logie, it's okay." Kendall wraps his arms around me.

"I didn't do that on purpose..." I say desperately.

"I know, buddy." Kendall responds gently, flushing the toilet for me. I'm too tired to get up, so we end up sitting there for a while. He keeps his arms around me, whispering comforting words every few minutes. After about ten minutes, I drift off to sleep.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"What happened to him?" James asks when he sees me carrying Logan down the hallway.

"He freaked out and got sick." I say, holding our sleeping friend in my arms. I look down at him and my eyes fill with tears. He looks a lot healthier than he did when he first checked it, but I guess his illness is still pretty obvious. Emotionally, he's still a mess. Even the smallest things can freak him out.

"Boys, what happened to Logan?" Mom frowns, approaching us.

"He's just tired." I lie, watching as she touches Logan's pale face. She whispers to him and kisses his forehead. I hope that this won't end up extending the length of his stay. I was happy to hear that he might be released in three weeks. It's gonna be great to have him home with us and, you know, not anorexic and suicidal.

"Take him back to his room." Mom instructs, squeezing Logan's hand. He mumbles in his sleep and buries his face in my shoulder, while I carry him down the hallway to his room.

"I wish he had let him go to therapy by himself." Carlos says as I lower Logan onto the bed, pulling the covers up to his waist. "I think us being there was a bad idea."

"I didn't think it would be such a big deal." James says. "I didn't know that he would end up having a freaking panic attack."

I don't know what to say, so I just keep quiet. Besides, Logan is sleeping and he needs peace and quiet. Who knows? He might feel better when he wakes up. I'm not entirely certain, but it's possible. I'd prefer if he didn't snap at people. Speaking of snapping, I think everyone has been extra careful about what they say around him because he gets mad so easily.

"I hate anorexia." Carlos says bitterly.

"We all hate it." I finally speak up. "I keep asking myself what could have been done to stop it. Logan is in the psychiatric ward for God's sake! I just...I wanna know what made him change so dramatically. I don't understand it."

"None of us do." James says, sitting next to me on the bed. "And we may never understand, but all that matters is that he gets better and can move on with his life."

"We might understand a little better if he would talk to us." Carlos takes one of Logan's hands in his. "I'm with Kendall on this one. I wanna know why he starved himself, why he didn't feel like he was good enough, and why he tried to take his own life. There are so many questions I wanna ask him, but I'm scared because of what he might say."

"Whatever." I murmur. "Just let him sleep."

* * *

**Katie's POV**

I will be so relieved when Logan can get out of here. Honestly, I'm getting sick of seeing this hospital. I know Logan has to stay here until he gets better, which I want him to do, but I'm gonna be glad when he comes home. He'll be with his family and friends, but the other good thing is that we'll no longer have to spend all our time in this hospital.

I can't believe that innocent babies are born in the same place where so many people are dying and/or suffering. When I become a mother someday, I hope there will be a maternity hospital because I would rather not give birth to my child in the same place that an innocent human being is dying from cancer.

Now, Mom told me that Kendall was carrying Logan back to the room when she found them. He said that Logan was just tired, but I don't believe him. I'm watching them from the doorway right now and I can tell that something is troubling them. I may be a kid, but I can read those guys like a book. I've been dealing with them for many years, so I've gotten to know them really well.

"Okay, what _really _happened?" I ask them.

"Oh, you know-" Kendall hesitates.

"Let's just say that his therapy session today went horribly wrong." James says. "He got a little upset, threw up, and fell asleep."

I'm not gonna ask anymore. I don't wanna talk about anymore drama today. I've been dealing with drama for weeks and I just want a break. All this stress is physically _exhausting_. If I wanna discuss what the heck went wrong in Logan's therapy session, I'll ask some other time. Today, it's not gonna happen.

"Who's gonna film Charleigh's Glee Club performance for him?" I question.

"Probably their mom." Kendall replies. "But I'm not sure if it's gonna happen because pretty much the whole club ditched after Charleigh started to get a bit...pushy. She said that she can't perform without the rest of the group."

"Well, why don't you guys help her?" I suggest.

"How?" Carlos looks very confused.

"Perform with her in place of the other Glee Club members." I explain. "She can teach you guys the song and the dance, then you can join her onstage!"

"You know, baby sister, you're pretty smart for your age!"

"Yeah," I laugh. "As if I didn't already know that."

* * *

**So Logiebear had a panic attack:( On the bright side, he might be released in three weeks!**

**Review! :D**


	27. Believe In Me

**Charleigh's POV**

"You guys are serious?" I ask the three guys standing in front of me. "You'll perform with me in the show next week?"

"Well, your Glee Club dumped you." Carlos reminds me. "So we're gonna help you out."

"What song are you doing?" James asks me.

"I was doing Anything Could Happen, by Ellie Goulding, but it didn't work out." I say tiredly, closing my locker. "I picked another song to replace it, though."

As we start walking down the hallway, I wonder why the guys seem so interested in helping me. I don't want them doing it if they don't really want to. As much as it pains me, I can always cancel my performance. Maybe the whole entire Glee Club will get cancelled. I don't want it to, but it won't work out if there's only one member.

"You can show us the song after school." James suggests. "What is it?"

"It's actually an original song." I respond. "It's called Had Me at Hello."

I refuse to admit this out loud, but I may have written the song about James. At least, I was thinking about him when I wrote it. Hey, I might be someone attracted to him, but then again, what girl isn't? After all, he's James Diamond! Ladies love James Diamond. Every time he brings a new girl home, I always find myself thinking "that lucky little..." You can finish that sentence for me.

"Why did the other Glee Club members quit anyway?" Kendall frowns.

"I guess I was really stressed about Logan and I was taking my frustration out on them!" I confess. "I suppose that I overworked them a bit. I just wanted us to be really good, you know?"

I don't think anyone cares as much about the Glee Club as I do. It has been a big part of my life ever since I joined. Sometimes I'll spend hours each day working on a new routine or prepping a new song for the group. I don't know if anyone else in the club prepared like I did. I know neither Britney or Maddie did.

"You should talk him like I did." James tells me.

"And how did that turn out for you?" I ask, even though I know the answer. I'm not about to tell Logan my personal feelings about his condition. I might snap like James did and end up saying something really hurtful. The last thing I need is for my brother to be mad at me. It sucks when Logan is mad at someone.

"Well, um...not good?"

"Didn't think so, pretty boy." I smirk, patting his cheek before entering the cafeteria. I don't know if I'll ever be able to admit how I truly feel about him. I know I act like a jerk toward him sometimes, but I'm really quite fond of him. Behind that self centered persona, he's actually a very sweet guy.

"I'll see you in a minute, sweet cheeks!" He teases before heading over to Jo, Lucy, and Stephanie's table. If I have to keep watching him flirt with Lucy Stone, I swear I am gonna scream. Lucy may be talented, she may be beautiful, but I see nothing special about her. I'm glad he's not hitting on prissy Jo Taylor, though. If he showed any interest in her, I would be really pissed off.

I grumble under my breath as I head over to the lunch line, trying my best not to see irritated. You know, even though I really am.

* * *

"Do you have choreography yet?" Kendall asks as we walk into the auditorium after school.

"I'm working on it." I reply. We walk to the stage and I take a CD out of my book bag, putting it in the CD player. I managed to get Big Time Rush's band to help me with the music for my song. Now it's on a CD so all I have to do is sing, dance, and look pretty. I don't have to worry about hiring a backup band.

"It's too bad that Logan can't join us." Carlos complains. "He would probably love to perform with you."

Yep, I feel like that too. I would be excited to have my brother onstage with me, but he can't be here because he's being treated for a stupid eating disorder. I still can't get over that. My brother is anorexic. I would love to ask him why he did this to himself, but I'm scared of what his response might be. I think it's better if I don't know all the details. All I want is for him to get back to his normal self.

"Let's just go over the dance." I press the play button. I walk to the middle of the stage and start singing, as well as showing the guys the moves I've come up with. When it comes to the pre-chorus, James is quick to join me and I have a hard time not smiling. I knew he would be the first to join in.

"JUST GET MARRIED ALREADY!"

Kendall presses the stop button just as Britney and Maddie walk into the auditorium. I glare at them, my arms crossed. They dumped me when I needed them, so I want nothing to do with them. Now that I think about it, they never really good friends anyway. Britney only cares about herself and Maddie's dumber than a sack of bricks.

"We're rehearsing." I say, heading down the steps. "What are you doing here?"

"We convinced Principal Williams to let us perform in the show separate from the Glee Club." Britney explains. "We wanted to rehearse."

"Just sing your stupid song, then get out!" I say angrily. Britney pushes past me and I whip around to face my ex friends. How dare she try to steal my spotlight? The Glee Club was suppose to be the highlights of the entire show! It's an awards ceremony for the students and the Glee Club was asked to perform. It was suppose to be the one and only musical performance...wait, what is that? Oh my God...

"Um, I think that's your old song." Carlos says awkwardly. Anything Could Happen? I mean, I'm not doing it anymore, but it still ticks me off that those skanks are using it. I'm not worried, though. Unlike them, I have decided to perform an original song. It takes a talented person to do that. Everyone knows that talent is something Britney and Maddie don't have.

"Wow, they suck." Kendall murmurs.

"I know." James looks as disgusted as I do.

"I've got an idea." Carlos says mischievously, taking two tomatoes out of his lunch box. My eyes widen as he throws one at Britney and one at Maddie. Oh my gosh, that's hilarious. Kendall, James, and I burst out laughing as the two brats scream, trying to wipe the tomato off their faces. That's not something you see every day.

"You are terrible!" I laugh.

"Ever since I saw that one Spongebob episode, I have always wanted to throw a tomato at someone." Carlos says while we watch Britney and Maddie throw a tantrum. I must say that I am really enjoying this. If I were still friends with them, I would probably be irritated, but I'm not! Thank you, Carlos, for providing me with some amusement.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"You've been looking a lot better." Mom says as she fluffs my pillow. "Healthier, you know?"

"I've been feeling better too." I respond.

"When you get out of here, I'm gonna be so happy." She tells me, sitting on my bed. "I miss having my baby boy at home with me."

She reaches for my hand and gives it a gentle kiss. Like her, I'm eager to go home. I don't like spending all my days in a hospital with nurses and doctors constantly watching me. I'm not even that crazy about going to therapy. Of course, when I get out of here, I'll still have to attend outpatient therapy, but at least I'll be able to go home.

"I want you to promise me something." She says, still holding my hand.

"What?"

"Promise me that you won't do this to yourself anymore." She says. "Promise me that you'll never hurt yourself again."

I want to promise her that, but I don't know if I can. I can't promise that I won't relapse. I may have a stressful day and end up going back to my old habits. How can I make a promise that I don't know I can keep? I don't like making promises unless I'm certain about them. If I did, I would feel really bad if I broke them.

"Logan, please promise me." Mom says desperately.

"Mom-" I say softly. "I can't promise that. There's always a chance that I could relapse. This is something that I'm gonna deal with for the rest of my life. I don't wanna make a promise to you, only to end up breaking it."

"Baby," Mom says gently. "You're stronger than you think. You _can _overcome this. I know my son and I know that he can get through anything. Don't you know that? You're a special boy, Logan."

My eyes well up with tears again. How can she be certain? I can't believe that she has so much confidence in me after everything I've done. I don't trust myself, so it's hard to understand how she can trust me. I know for a fact that no one else does. Kendall has already promised me that once I'm released, he's gonna watch me like a hawk.

"But you don't understand." I tell her. "I can barely control myself while I'm in here. I can only imagine what it's gonna be like when I get out of here. Every time I eat, I'm gonna have that urge to throw it up. Every time I look in a mirror, I'm gonna be ashamed of what I see. I'm gonna have nights where I cry myself to sleep because I regret everything!"

"I know it's hard, honey." Mom's voice cracks. "I know that it's not gonna be easy for you to recover, but you have to understand something. I believe in you. I know that you'll get better and become the happy boy that I know so well. I'm gonna help you through this, okay? You can trust me."

I wish I could believe in myself as much as she does. I can tell just by looking at her that she really believes what she's saying. I don't know if I do, though. The way I see it, I'm screwed for life. I may be able to control my anorexic/bulimic tendencies, but they're always gonna be there, waiting for me to give in. I don't want to, but that's a fact. My eating disorder will never completely go away.

"I love you so much." She says, wrapping her arms around me. As she holds me in her arms, I let the tears fall, ashamed of what I have become. I want my old life back. You know, the one that didn't include anorexia. I'm not proud of what I've done to myself. Every day, I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from getting to this point, but I didn't...and now I have to live with my mistake.

"How can you love someone like me?" I ask her.

"Because you're my baby boy.'' Mom says, kissing my cheek. "Nothing you do will ever stop me from loving you. I'm just happy that you're alive and that we got to you before things could get any worse. We need to stop dwelling on the past and focus on the future. Yours is gonna be amazing."

Okay, that gives me a reason to smile. Mom has always told me that I have a bright future ahead of me and I suppose that she's not entirely wrong. I still believe that I'll continue to struggle, but I can make something positive out of the situation. As Big Time Rush makes a comeback, I can also raise awareness of eating disorders and help those who struggle with them.

* * *

**Had Me At Hello is by Olivia Holt:)**

**Review! :D**


	28. Showtime

**Charleigh's POV**

"You promise you'll record it?" I ask mom, handing her the camcorder.

"I promise." She kisses my forehead. I know that Logan really wants to see my performance, so I've put Mom in charge of recording it for him. It's just too bad that he can't actually be here. On the bright side, three more weeks until he might be released. It's gonna be nice to have our old lives back. You know, aside from having to drive him to weekly therapy appointments.

"You know, I've never paid much attention before, but there is something incredibly sexy about you." I whip around to see Britney flirting with James. Okay, she knows that I secretly have a thing for him. How dare she start hitting on him? I should have known from the start that she would end up betraying me.

"Hey, slut!" I call out. I walk up to her and gently push her out of the way. "Back off of him."

"Wow, I'm shaking." Britney says coolly, walking away from us. I clench my fist, but I finally manage to calm myself down. I take a deep breath and walk to my dressing room, walking over to the vanity mirror. I absolutely adore my outfit. It's a lovely silver and strapless (and sparkly!) teacup style dress. I don't mean to sound self centered, but I think it looks fabulous on me.

Munch...munch...munch...okay, what the...CARLOS?! The crazy little Latino is eating chips and salsa minutes before they're suppose to go onstage and perform! Ugh, he is insane. I really wonder about him sometimes. He _cannot _get salsa on his outfit. Those white tuxedos are very expensive!

"Carlos!" I scold.

"What?" He says through a mouthful of chips. I shake my head and walk over to him, grabbing the bowl of salsa and dropping into the trashcan. Then I take the bag of chips, close it up, and place it on the coffee table. I proceed to grab Carlos, usher him into the restroom, handing him a toothbrush.

"Brush your teeth real quick." I say. "We're gonna be going on in a few minutes. I exit the restroom and leave the restroom, walking over to Kendall and James. The boys look so handsome. I just wish that Logan could be onstage with us. Even if he were out of the hospital, he probably wouldn't have the strength to dance.

"How much do you guys wanna bet that Charleigh's gonna suck up there?" I hear Britney tell her own group. A few people murmur in agreement, which really shocks me. We were all in Glee Club together at one point and now they've completely turned against me? Okay, seriously, what the hell?

"It's not like she has any talent!"

Really? Then why does our Glee Club sponsor always compliment me more than Britney? Oh yeah! Because she likes me best! If anyone around here is untalented, it's Britney. She's basically a Hilary Duff wannabe. At least Hilary can actually hold a tune. In order for Britney to sound good, she needs auto-tune...big time.

"Charleigh, boys, you're about to go on." The backstage manager informs us. Thank God that Carlos appears at that very moment. It would be a disaster if he were late. This performance has to be absolutely perfect.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Charleigh Mitchell and Big Time Rush!" Principal Williams announces, followed by excited applause from the audience. I adjust my headset before the guys and I walk to the stage. We get into the proper positions, while I try my best to keep my nerves under control.

The music begins and we begin dancing as I sing my first original song. So far, so good...the only embarrassing thing is when Mom starts screaming "THAT'S MY DAUGHTER!" and cheering louder than any other audience member. Alright, I love her, but I hope she'll keep quiet so Logan will be able to hear my song.

At the pre-chorus, James and I do our little dance solo, which is personally my favorite part. No, not just because I get to be extra close to him. It's just a very sweet moment in the routine. Now, here's another really fun part. When I start singing the chorus and I look at the right wing of the stage, Britney looks absolutely mortified. Ah, I love it!

"She was suppose to be TERRIBLE!" She shrieks.

"You're doing great." James whispers in my ear as the second verse begins. I smile at him before stepping in between Kendall and Carlos, doing another series of moves that I came up with. Kendall grabs my hand and twirls me around. Somehow, I end up back in James's arms. Best...performance...ever...

"THIS IS SO COOL!"

"NO IT'S NOT, MADDIE!"

I would love to watch them freak out, but I'm entirely focused on the performance. I'm having more fun onstage with the guys than I've ever had with Britney, Maddie, and the other Glee Club members. Maybe it should just be me and the guys from now on. They're perfect for Glee Club.

I keep singing and dance until the song ends, then the audience bursts into more applause. I clap excitedly and hug each of the guys. James and I hug for the longest time and he finishes it with a kiss to my cheek. Oh yeah, this has been a great day. I've secretly always wanted to know what it's like to get a kiss from James Diamond. Once Logan leaves the hospital, life will be even better.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"We've gotta keep your wings clipped." I say as I finish clipping Skylar's wings. I only clip the first six feathers at the bottom of her wings. That way, she's less likely to fly into stuff. Surprisingly, she was quite cooperative as I was doing it. I kept a towel over her head, though, so she wouldn't have to see me doing it.

"Alright, we're done." I say, rubbing her head. I put her back in her cage before walking into the restroom to wash my hands. I try to avoid looking at the mirror because, for some reason, doing so makes me nervous. I don't know why, but sometimes I look in the mirror and I still see a fat version of me.

"Logan? Baby, where are you?"

"In the restroom!" I call out. Mom appears in the doorway and smiles at me, holding up her camcorder. She did say that she would record Charleigh's performance today. I wish I could have seen it in person, but at least I'll be able to see it on video. She and the guys probably did amazing. I hope that she blew Britney and those other jerks out of the water.

"I got it." She says, reaching for my hand. "Come watch it!"

We walk over to my bed and sit down. She hands the camcorder to me and I start the video. Wow, they look great! I love Charleigh's silver dress and the white tuxedos that the guys are wearing. Even more importantly, I think I'm gonna like the song. I tried to get Charleigh to sing it for me the other day, but she refused.

"It was a great show." Mom tells me. "They got so many compliments!"

"How did Britney and the others do?" I ask, my eyes on the small screen.

"They weren't nearly as good as your sister."

That doesn't surprise me. I've watched those other girls perform before and, well, they suck when they sing by themselves. They're great as backup singers, but they just don't make good soloists. I'm not trying to be rude, just honest. Charleigh can do well as a lead singer, but it's not for everyone. Her only downside is the fact that she can be bossy and a bit spoiled.

"I wish I could have been up there with them." I say quietly.

"You'll get another chance to perform with them." Mom assures me. I hope that she's right. I'm proud of them, but I feel a bit disappointed that I couldn't be part of the fun.

I hate feeling left out.

* * *

**James's POV**

"Wasn't her face just hilarious?" Charleigh laughs as we arrive at the hospital psychiatric ward. She has been rambling on about Britney's facial expressions ever since we left the school. I guess seeing the Queen of Mean get jealous was pretty funny. I would rather talk about something else, though. Perhaps how amazing I was?

"We know." Kendall says boredly. "You really got her."

We approach the door to Logan's room. He's holding the camcorder, so he must be watching our performance. He seems to be enjoying it too. I know I had fun tonight. Getting to sing and dance with Charleigh and _not _have her push me away was great. I still consider our Madison Square Garden performance during our last tour to be my favorite, but this show was pretty cool.

"We're back!" Carlos announces loudly.

"Hey!" Logan says, handing the camera to Mrs. Mitchell. Charleigh rushes to his bed and crawls onto it, reaching out to give her brother a hug. He lets her know how proud he is, giving her cheek a gentle kiss. Just as Kendall, Carlos, and I are about to go over to him, a loud knocking on the door interrupts us.

"Come in!" Mrs. Mitchell says. The door opens and Gustavo enters, looking serious like usual. I hope he has some good news for us. Not something awful like, say, Griffin changed his mind and is gonna fire us after all. That would really be bad, especially considering that he told us that we _weren't _fired.

"Okay, what's nibbling on my finger?" Kendall wonders. We all look at him and notice that he rested his hand on Skylar's cage, giving the bird perfect access to his fingers. When he looks down at her, he rolls his eyes.

"The blue weirdo with wings?" Charleigh suggests sarcastically.

"Hey, be nice to her." Logan tells his sister. It's kind of funny how he's so protective of that bird. She seems to cheer him up, which is really good. He needs something to make him happy and amuse him, which Skylar seems to be really good at doing. I recently thought of another good reason for him to own a pet. Pets require lots of care and if Logan is kept busy with tending to Skylar, he's less likely to spend time thinking about his weight.

"Fine." Charleigh groans.

"Now apologize to her for calling her a weirdo."

"Logan, I am not gonna apologize to a bird."

"Do it or I'll tell everyone about last summer."

"I'm sorry, Skylar?"

"Wait!" I say. "What did she do?"

"Yes, Logan," Mrs. Mitchell says, giving Charleigh a look. "What did your lovely sister do?"

Charleigh laughs nervously. "It was nothing."

"Well," Logan smirks at his sister. "We were on tour and Charleigh had a little fling with our twenty three year old sound guy!"

Oh, I remember that. Whenever she thought no one was looking, she was all over that guy. I always felt so tempted to tell her mom, but I figured that it wouldn't last anyway. They weren't really dating. They just flirted a lot and went on a few secret dates. Personally, I think I'm way better looking than him, but whatever. After the tour ended, they never saw each other again.

"Logan Mitchell, I am gonna kill you!"

"You can't do anything to me." Logan retorts as Mrs. Mitchell wraps her arms around him. Since I can tell that Charleigh is irritated, I reach out to give her a playful hug. Surprisingly, she doesn't threaten to punch me if I don't get my hands off of her. One time, I snuck into her room (just to make her mad) and she threatened to call the cops on me. She was just kidding, though.

"Actually, I can tell Mom some of _your _secrets."

"You wouldn't!"

"Trust me." Charleigh smiles. "I would."

* * *

**I had so much fun with this chapter! I hope you love it as much as I do:)**

**Review! :D**


	29. Where I Belong

**Logan's POV**

Three weeks later, I am at almost 160 pounds and I am deemed ready to leave the hospital. At this moment, I am in the lobby with Mom while she eagerly signs me out. Words can't even describe how happy I am to leave this place. The nurses and doctors were very nice and supportive, but I miss being at home. I wanna watch TV with the guys and laugh every time Carlos falls off the couch during one of his laughing fits.

"Alright, you're all signed out." Mom kisses my cheek. "Let's go."

I breathe a sigh of relief as a nurse pushes me outside in the wheelchair. Mom has already parked the van by the pick up area, so I don't have to walk too far. She helps me out of the wheelchair and into the front passengers seat. The nurse wishes me good luck and I thank her before she takes the wheelchair back inside. I've never been so happy to see the inside of a car before. I've only seen the outside of the hospital a few times since I was checked in.

"Ready to go home?" Mom asks me.

"Yeah." I nod, looking straight ahead. She drives toward the exit, taking one hand off the wheel to hold mine. I feel much better than I did several weeks ago, but I'm a little nervous about being out of the hospital. I find myself worrying that I won't be able to control my anorexia. I know that I'm always gonna have to deal with it. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm scared.

"Nervous?"

"A little bit." I respond. I hope that she doesn't try to make me eat when we get home. When I get home, I don't want my welcome to involve food. I know I'll have to eat tonight, but I don't wanna do it when I get to the apartment. I'd rather watch TV, tend to Skylar, and maybe even take a nap.

"You'll be fine." Mom insists. I frown as she gives my hand a squeeze, not feeling any better. I'm really happy to be going home, but there is some anxiety that comes with being released from the hospital after being treated for an eating disorder. It's very likely that I'll suffer an occasional relapse, especially if I get stressed out.

"I hope so." I whisper, starting to get tired. Mom pats my hand before letting it go. I close my eyes and allow myself to fall asleep.

It seems like no time before I'm woken up by the van coming to a sudden stop. The Palm Woods...it seems like forever since I've seen this place. It's nerve wracking to be back, but it also feels really good. As soon as I set foot in that apartment, I'm gonna sit on that comfy orange couch and watch our TV, not the hospital TV.

"Come on." Mom encourages. I get out of the van, looking around the parking lot. She locks the car, then puts her arm around me and starts leading me toward the entrance. But I can't help being afraid of what people might say when they see me. Everyone knows why I was in the hospital.

When we enter the lobby, everything seems normal. Well, mostly. Whenever people see me, they are quick to turn their heads, but I can tell that they're whispering to their friends. I feel even more embarrassed now. I wish that Sarah were here. If she saw them whispering, she would likely start telling them all to back the (bleep) off. She wasn't afraid to stand up for herself or anyone else.

"This is so awkward." I say as Mom and I walk into the elevator.

"At least you're home." She touches my face. "And you look healthy again."

While we wait for the elevator to arrive at the second floor, she rubs my back to comfort me. I could use some comfort right now because I'm really worried about life outside of the hospital. I just can't stop thinking that I might not be able to have any self control. What if we have a bad day at work and I get so stressed that I come home and go through another binge/purge?

HICCUP!

"What the-" Mom and I jump when we turn around and see Maddie standing there, a big smile on her face. Oh boy...

"I heard you were coming home, so I came to the Palm Woods right away!" She says cheerfully.

HICCUP!

"Maddie, do you need some water?" I ask carefully, noticing her bad case of hiccups.

"Oh (hiccup) no! I'm (hiccup) fine!"

"And why isn't Britney with you?" Mom asks her. That's a good point. Usually, those two are stuck together like glue. It's surprising to see Maddie without Britney by her side.

"She isn't the boss of me! I can go wherever I want, alone or not!" Maddie says just as the doors open. We start walking down the hallway with Maddie following uncomfortably close behind me. I see that she still hasn't gotten over her crush on me. I hope that she will eventually, though. She's a nice girl (sort of), but I have no interest in her.

"LOGAN!" Carlos screams as soon as we walk into 2J. I don't get much of a warning as he runs toward me, throwing his arms around my waist. I give Kendall, James, Charleigh, Katie, and Mama Knight a surprised look, awkwardly patting Carlos's head. Okay, I've missed getting greetings like this.

Out of nowhere, everyone else runs up to me and joins the hug, nearly squishing me. I pay no attention to the fact that I can barely breathe, though. I'm just happy to be home where I belong.

* * *

"Hey, you wanna go to the pool?" Kendall asks me.

"Um, not right now." I say, keeping my eyes on the TV. Secretly, I would love to, but I'm scared. I know that it sounds stupid, but going to the pool means being shirtless, which I don't feel comfortable with yet. I probably shouldn't spend all my time trapped in the apartment, especially since I'll likely have to return to school on Monday (finals begin at the end of the month).

"The rest of us were gonna go, though." Kendall frowns.

"That's fine." I say, clutching a pillow to my chest. He gently squeezes my shoulder before walking toward the door, but instead of following them, Carlos sits next to me. I give him a curious look. "Aren't you gonna go with them?"

"I'm gonna stay here with you." He replies. I smile softly and change the channel. Nothing particular interesting is happening on the History Channel, but I think Carlos would be happy to watch cartoons. Spongebob is his favorite cartoon character and, lucky for him, there's a Spongebob Squarepants marathon happening right now.

"Just out of curiosity, though, why don't you wanna go to the pool?" He asks me. "You use to love it."

"I just got out of the hospital, where I was being treated for an eating disorder." I explain."I've still got some major body image issues going on."

Carlos's saddened expression just makes my heart shatter. I wish I could be a better friend, but I can't be. It's too late to become the friend that I wish I could be. I've already disappointed everyone and lost their trust. I hate to say this, but I don't know if there's really anything I can do to fix it.

"You shouldn't be ashamed of how you look." He tells me. "You know how most people are usually envious of James or Kendall?" I nod. "Well, I wasn't like them. If there's anyone I wish I could be like, it's you."

Okay, how is that even possible? James is always the one that people envy the most. Well, either him or Kendall. They both have the good looks, Kendall has the great personality, and they have the popularity. So I don't understand how Carlos could ever wish that he were like me. It's not like there's anything particular admirable about me.

"Why?" I ask him.

"You're pretty much the whole package. Brains, looks, and personality." Carlos informs me. "You have that smile that makes girls melt, I've seen a bunch of comments on our website saying how cute you are, and even though you don't always show it, you can be _really _funny."

"Carlos," I start. "Don't be jealous of me. You don't wanna be like me, okay? I've done things to myself that I _never _want any of you guys to do. Believe me, I'm nothing to look up to."

"How can you even say that?" Carlos asks me. "You made a few mistakes, but you're better now. That isn't gonna stop anyone from seeing how great you are. We all love you no matter what."

I don't know what to say to that. I don't see how they can be so forgiving. It's not like I've done anything to deserve it. It seems like my family and friends have forgiven me so easily. I just don't understand. I don't understand anything anymore.

* * *

I never thought that I would dread dinner time, but I actually feel sick as I sit at the dining table with the guys, Charleigh, Katie, Mom, and Mama Knight. While everyone else is happily digging it, I just push the food around on the plate. I know that everyone has their eyes on me, especially Charleigh, Mom, and Kendall.

"You need to eat." Mom says, gentle but firm. Even after that, I keep pushing the food around. I can't...I can't eat this. Normally, I love steak, but I'm scared of anything with calories now. I know that I need to eat, but there's something in me that is preventing me from doing so. I'm just so terrified.

"I think having so many people around is making him nervous." Carlos says. "Do you think you guys could leave for a little bit? I'll see if I can get him to eat."

I feel a little less tense once it's just me and Carlos at the table, but I still don't wanna eat. I hate making life so hard for everyone. I don't know why I can't seem to just suck it up and eat! If I weren't such a wimp, life would be a lot easier. But whenever I look at Carlos, his eyes show no sign of judgement, just understanding.

"You know, if you eat this, I guarantee you that your taste buds will explode." He tells me. "It's freaking amazing."

"Carlos, something probably will explode, but I don't think it's gonna be my taste buds." I respond.

"Um, the world on December 21?" Carlos squeaks.

"Carlitos, I don't think that's real." I tell him. Every time someone predicts a different date for the end of the world, he starts freaking out. When someone guy predicted it last year, he hid under the dining table all weekend and refused to come out.

"Whatever." Carlos says. "Just eat."

"But-"

"Please?" Carlos pleads. "For me?"

"Carlos-"

"I'll be your best friend!" Carlos says with a smile.

"You're already my best friend, you weirdo!" I chuckle before lifting the fork, a small piece of steak on it. I eat it reluctantly, cringing as I struggle to swallow it. Okay, this is fine. This is good for me. I just have to keep reminding myself of that and it'll be fine, right? Pretty soon, I'll get use to eating again and it won't even bother me!

"See? It's not so bad, is it?"

"Um, not really." I lie. In all honestly, I feel like I'm gonna be sick, but it's probably better if I don't say that out loud. Carlos looks so happy to see me eating and I don't wanna ruin his excitement. Besides, he looks proud of me too and all I want is for him (and the others) to be proud of me again.

"Yep," I gulp, putting the fork down. "That wasn't bad at all."

* * *

**I loved the Logan/Carlos friendship in this chapter:D He'll have some interaction with Kendall and James in the next chapter:)**

**Review! :D**


	30. First Day Back

"You know it's not cold outside, right?" Kendall points out when I exit my room.

"Kendall, just let me wear what I want, okay?" I plead, grabbing my back pack off the couch. I can't believe I'm going back to school today. I actually feel like I'm gonna be sick because I'm so worried that people will be talking about me. I don't wanna be known as the kid that was sectioned because of mental health issues. Yeah, I had anorexia, I attempted suicide, and I was diagnosed with depression, but I don't see why I should have people whispering behind my back.

"Okay." Kendall says, raising his hands in defense. I flatten the hood of my maroon Abercrombie jacket, following Mom, Mama Knight, Katie, Charleigh, and the guys out the door. I never thought that I would actually be afraid of school, but I am. I can't help thinking that everything will be different. The teachers will treat me different, the students will treat me different, and...everything is gonna be really weird.

Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!

"I'll be back later, Sky!" I call out before shutting the door. Luckily, Skylar has plenty of toys to enjoy while I'm gone for a few hours, but Mama Knight and my mom will also be here to keep her entertained. She needs lots of human contact, so it's a good thing that there are always two adults at home while we're at school.

"Just ignore any haters." James says.

"Oh, he won't have to worry about haters." Charleigh assures us. "If they say anything to him, I will hang them from the flag pole by their underwear, take pictures of them, and post said pics all over the internet for the whole world to see. By the way, I have a plan to destroy Britney's social status _forever._"

"What are you gonna do?" I question.

"Let's just say that there are a few personal pics on her Facebook." She replies mischievously. "In the photos, she's sucking face with Maddie's ex boyfriend, whom Maddie just happened to be dating at the time. Everyone, including Maddie, will soon see that Britney Zevon is nothing more than a trashy, backstabbing slut."

I chuckle quietly. I just hope that she doesn't get in trouble, whether with Britney or some authority figure. Of course, I personally would love to see that girl squirm. Since her and Charleigh's falling out, she has started acting like she's the new queen of Hollywood High School. In reality, however, no one likes her.

"Honey, I don't know if you should-"

"Mom," Charleigh interrupts. "She deserves what she's gonna get. I already have a bunch of copies in my book bag and I'm gonna tape them all over the school, so _everyone _will see them. I can't wait."

Hey, at least I'll have something to laugh about. I feel bad for Maddie, though. I can just imagine how she's gonna feel when she finds out that her best friend betrayed her like that. Everyone knows that you don't make out with a friend's significant other unless you wanna seriously damage the friendship.

"Hey, let me see one of those pictures." Katie says as Charleigh reaches into her back pack. She hands one to Katie, who starts laughing out of nowhere. Then she passes it along to Kendall, James, and Carlos, who all look both amused and shocked. Hey, I wanna see it!

"Oh, that's definitely gonna ruin her." Carlos says before handing the picture to me. What the...man, talk about a little skank. Tiny shorts, cropped top, bra straps showing, and her lips on those of Maddie's then boyfriend. "Hey, does Maddie follow her on Facebook?"

"She lied and said that she doesn't have one, so...no." Charleigh says, taking the picture back. "Maddie would only get one if Britney got one. Anyway, I'm gonna expose Britney for who she really is. She deserves it."

Sometimes I wonder how we're related. I could never be that crazy, but Charleigh has no problem with it. If someone makes her mad, she will make their life a living hell. Me? I guess I do have a tendency to be a bit of a pushover. Even when someone treats me like crap, I don't do anything about it.

"Charleigh, you're gonna get yourself into serious trouble one of these days." Mama Knight warns.

"We'll cross the bridge when we come to it." My rebellious sister says proudly. I shake my head as we enter the elevator, still dreading going to school. However, I am looking forward to seeing Charleigh take down the "devil child." That's what the guys and I call Britney. She's gorgeous, but pure evil.

"Okay, but don't come crying to me if that child reports you." Mom tells her. Judging by the look on Charleigh's face, I don't think she scares. All she cares about is destroying Britney Zevon.

* * *

"Well, we're here." Mom says as Mama Knight parks in front of the already dropped Katie off at the junior high school next door. Me? I was already nervous enough about coming back to school, but I feel even worse now that I'm actually here. Yes, I know that I have to go, but I haven't been here in a long time and everyone knows why I was in the hospital. Oh no...

"Crap, dudes with cameras." Charleigh complains.

"I"ll deal with this." Carlos says, reaching behind his seat. I almost laugh when I see the hockey stick, knowing that he only uses it for hockey and intimidation purposes. Since we don't have any hockey games coming up, I can only guess that he's gonna threaten the photographers with it. I hope he knows that there will likely be pictures of him in the tabloids by tonight. They'll all claim that Carlos Garcia had a meltdown.

"I'm gonna speak to your principal, okay?" Mom says as we get out of the car.

"Why?" I ask her.

"I want your teachers to keep an eye on you."

Of course she would want that. I guess since I'm a recovering anorexic, she finally realizes that there's a chance of relapse. I can't say that I'm gonna enjoy having someone's eyes on me all the time, but I would prefer that over returning to a life of starving, binging, and purging. Now that I think about it, that isn't enjoyable anyway.

"Great, the skank and her loser brother are here." I hear Britney's familiar voice whisper to some others. Charleigh only smirks and stares at the copies of the scandalous photo in her hand. In the other hand, she is holding some tape. Hey, I just thought of something pretty positive. If everyone is focused on the photos of Britney, maybe they'll stop paying so much attention to me.

"Let's have a little fun, guys." She says once Mom has went to the principal's office. Happily, she takes a picture and tapes it to the wall. Normally, I would be completely against this, but it doesn't bother me that much today. It is kind of mean, but it's not Britney has been very nice to us. She deserves everything she's gonna get.

"Hey, is that Britney Zevon?" Some other guy asks us. I think he's a junior. I don't know him, but I've seen him around.

"Oh, that's her." Charleigh says coolly. "That's the real Britney Zevon."

"What a slut." The guy tells his friends before walking past us. That's when a bit of anxiety starts to kick in. Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all. I mean, I know Britney has been a jerk, but maybe we're only sinking to her level by posting this photo. I don't wanna be a bully like her. Then again, she really does deserve to know how it feels. Gosh, I am so conflicted.

"Remember, I'm saving your butt." Charleigh says as we walk down the hallway, sticking another copy to a locker.

"How are you doing that?" Kendall asks her.

"Because" Charleigh links her arm through mine. "no one is gonna care about Logan being back if they're busy taunting Britney."

"Maybe this is going a little too far." James tells her. "I mean, it's okay if you showed Maddie, but posting the pics all over the school? Don't you think that's a little harsh?"

"Eh, it's too late now." Charleigh shrugs. "Anyway, Jay, remember science class last year? She poured a pile of worms all over your head."

James is quiet for a moment, then he speaks. "Oh, let's stick it to her _good."_

I figured he would say something like that. When it comes to his hair, he doesn't mess around. Heck, I'm surprised that he hasn't already tried to get revenge.

* * *

"So...is it true that you were put in a straight jacket?" Cassidy, a girl in my math class, asks me.

"No." I reply. "I was sick, but I wasn't crazy."

"What did they do to you?" Jett asks me. "I heard that they had to keep you sedated most of the time!"

"That's not true either." I explain. "I was only sedated if I got really upset, but it didn't happen very often. Look, guys, I don't know what kind of rumors have been going around, but I guarantee you that most of them aren't true. I was taken to the hospital because I attempted to overdose on diet pills, I was diagnosed with anorexia and depression, and I had to stay in the hospital for a while to get treatment. That's all there is to it. There were no straight jackets involved."

RIIIIIIIING!

I leave the classroom as fast as I can, eager to get away from all the gossip. I jump when I hear the loudest, highest pitched scream ever. Who could that be? Oh, I know! Britney must have found the pictures that Charleigh posted all over the school. I almost feel guilty for saying this, but I'm excited to see the look on her face.

"Maddie, this is obviously photoshopped!" She shrieks. When I walk around the corner, Britney and Maddie are arguing next to the bulletin board. You know what's really shocking? When Maddie raises her hand and screams "liar" before slapping Britney across the face. Man, that was cold.

"You know what, Britney? Charleigh was right about you." She says, getting in the girl's face. "You're just a backstabbing witch."

I'm gonna get out of here before they see me. I turn around as fast as I can. I walk to the restroom and approach the mirror, looking at my reflection. I'm doing my best to avoid obsessing over my appearance, but it takes more than a few weeks to recover for anorexia. Luckily, I did learn about self control while I was in the hospital.

"I HATE YOU, BRITNEY ZEVON!" Maddie screams at the top of her lungs. It's amazing how Charleigh is so good at creating so much drama with the use of one simple picture. Britney's friendship with Madde isn't the only thing that's probably ruined, but her reputation is likely screwed too.

There is a part of me that feels bad for her, but there's an even bigger part of me that has no sympathy at all. She was a jerk to my sister, which I don't appreciate at all. I don't like when people mess with my family and friends. I just wish I had the guts to defend them.

* * *

"Well, you did it, Charleigh." I tell my sister at lunch. "You single handedly took down the Queen of Mean."

"Actually, I've been getting a little help from Katie."

"You've been getting my sister involved?" Kendall asks slowly.

"She and Tyler are gonna get some water balloons." Charleigh says mischievously. I roll my eyes, shaking my head. I don't know how that girl manages to be so crazy. To be honest, I think that she went far enough with the pictures. She has done what she wanted to do, so that should be enough. Revenge isn't a good thing anyway.

"You need to calm it down." Carlos says, grabbing Charleigh's cell phone. He hands it to her, giving her a warning look. "Call Katie and tell her to cancel the water balloon plan.

"Why?" Charleigh whines.

"Because you've done enough." I say firmly. Today has already been weird and I would prefer if the rest of the way could be at least somewhat normal, you know? Anyway, I don't want Mom getting a call from the school principal. She still believes that she has _two _good children. I don't want her knowing about the other side of her daughter.

"Can I use the water balloons on Gustavo?"

"You know," Kendall says. "That sounds like a pretty good idea."

I smile. "Yeah, let's have some fun with him when we go back to work next week. I haven't seen him have a conniption in a while and, honestly, I kind of miss seeing him throw a tantrum."

I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. Being in the hospital has made me appreciate a lot of things that I didn't before, such as Gustavo's constant screaming and complaining. I never thought I would actually miss hearing him yell at us, but I do. I'm not usually one to cause trouble, but I don't think it'll hurt to play just one little prank on him.

Anyway, isn't life about taking chances?

* * *

**Well, Charleigh got some pay back AND she helped her brother through his first day back at school:) I've been out all day, so this chapter is being posted late, but it's here now! I really hope that you all like it:D**

**Review! :D**


	31. Give Your Heart A Break

"Mariah or Nicki?" Kendall and I are keeping ourselves out of trouble, while James, Carlos, and Charleigh throw water balloons at Gustavo. We all decided to come to work early to surprise/annoy him, since we don't usually show up before him. Heck, sometimes we don't even get here on time! Then he lectures us and he's usually in a bad mood for the next three/four hours. We figured that we'd try to piss him off a little less today.

"Definitely Nicki Minaj." I respond to Kendall's question.

"DOOOOGGGGSSSS!" Gustavo screams. Kendall and I look up when we hear his scream over James, Carlos and Charleigh's laughter. He storms into the studio soaking wet, looking like he actually wants to kill someone. Okay, I've gotta laugh at this because there's no denying that it's _really _funny.

"Come on, it's funny!" Charleigh giggles. Gustavo actually _growls _at her.

"Listen, Blondie, if you don't watch yourself, you'll never see a Rocque Records recording contract for AS LONG AS YOU LIVE!"

Charleigh rolls her eyes, while I just laugh to myself. My first week back at school has been pretty weird, but nothing has changed at Rocque Records. Gustavo still yells at us, Kelly is still the same, and no one else has changed much either. The only difference? Kelly told me that Gustavo is gonna try to be a little less hard on me. Considering my condition, I guess that's a good idea.

"Dogs, all we're gonna do today is work on a new song." Gustavo finally says after calming down. Although, he still shoots a dirty look at Charleigh. I think he finds her more irritating than the rest of us. We try to behave ourselves, while Charleigh does whatever she pleases. Mom has scolded her about that before, but she never listens.

"Can we record a cover of Peanut Butter Jelly Time?" Carlos asks hopefully.

"NO!"

Carlos would suggest that. I personally think that song is more annoying than Rebecca Black's Friday, but Carlos insists on coming into my and Charleigh's room in the early hours of the morning and playing that song at the highest volume, successfully waking everyone in the entire apartment.

"But-"

"No."

"I just think-"

"SHUT UP!"

Kendall and I get off the couch and follow James and Carlos into the recording booth. Kelly steps inside and hands a music sheet to each of us. Hmm, it looks like it'll be a good song. It's a somewhat different style than our previous two albums, but I definitely like it. It's called Beautiful and it has a good message. You know, about people who wanna be more attractive when they're already perfect the way they are. Okay, why does this seem so familiar?

"This song wasn't written by me." Gustavo says, still trying to dry off. "It was handed to me by someone who felt that it would be perfect for you dogs. I checked it out and I liked it, so I want it to be on the next album."

Knock! Knock!

"WHAT?!" Gustavo screams.

"Can I speak to Logan real quick?"

Camille?

"Fine." Gustavo groans. "Dog, this young lady would like to talk to you."

I take my music sheet and leave the recording booth, giving Camille a curious look. I still love her, but I wonder why she's suddenly interested in me again. We broke up because she claimed that she had fallen for Steve, but now she's hinting at wanting us to try again. I wanna say yes, but I'm so scared that she'll hurt me again.

"What are you doing here?" I ask her once we're in the lobby.

"I wanted to see if you guys had recorded the new song." Camille says proudly.

"We were about to." I shrug. "Why?"

"Because I wrote it." Camille answers. "I showed it to Gustavo and he said that he would think about it, then he called me up later and said that he loved it."

I feel so surprised by this. I didn't even know that Camille wrote songs. After all, most people know her as the Palm Woods Method Actress Queen. Why didn't she tell me that she could write music? This song is really good. I'm surprised that she hasn't already added songwriter to her resume. I can definitely tell that she has some musical talent. She could be very successful as a songwriter.

"Well, I really like it." I tell her.

"I don't normally write songs, but I was thinking about you and this came to mind."

I knew the lyrics reminded me of something. I don't know if I fully agree with it, but I guess it does relate to my situation. I don't even wear tank tops anymore because I'm afraid that people will notice my weight gain. Everyone insists that I look fine, but I just don't feel confident enough to wear one yet. These days, I wear T shirts, jeans, and hoodies.

"It's a great song." I say. "The guys and I can't wait to record it."

She gives me a smile in response. Man, I wish we could kiss, but we can't. We're not a couple right now, so it would be really weird. I wish we could get back together, but I just don't know if it would work out. I guess I've put up a wall around myself since we broke up. I wish the wall could be broken down, but...I don't know.

"You look nice and healthy." Camille informs me. For some reason, hearing that makes me cringe. I know she's only complimenting me, but the anorexic side of me thinks that healthy is just another word for fat. I wish it wasn't like that. I wish people didn't have to walk on eggshells around me, but that's just how it is.

"Thanks." I say quietly.

"Listen, I'm really glad that you're out of the hospital. I know things have been really weird between us, but I'm happy to see you out of the hospital and hopefully back to normal."

"Yeah," I agree. "It was nice of you to stop by...and thanks for the song."

"It was no problem." Camille says. She surprises me with a kiss on the cheek before quickly heading for the exit. I sigh sadly, wishing that I could get her back. I'm terrified that she might break my heart again, but I really do feel like it wouldn't hurt to give her another chance. I don't know if I can keep pretending that I'm over her.

* * *

After taking two hours to record the song, we go back to the Palm Woods. During a short ten minute break, I made a decision about Camille and I. I'm gonna give our relationship another try. I think when we broke up, she was just confused. A lot of young couples probably experience that, so I guess I should try to understand.

I approach 4J, but I just stand there for a while. I don't know what's gonna happen when I knock on that door. What if Camille doesn't wanna get back together? One time, she confessed that she was still in love with me, but I'm not sure if she still feels that way. Is it possible that she has gotten over me? Could she really have changed her mind about us? I hate all this uncertainty. I wish I could be sure about something for once.

Finally, I get the courage to knock. Then I start to knock again, but Camille opens the door before I get the chance.

"Logan? What are you doing here?"

"Wanna go to the Palm Woods park?" I offer. "I was thinking that we could talk."

Camille smiles. "Yeah, I would like that."

* * *

"You know, it's nice to see you actually eating something." She says when I reach into a bag of chips.

"Hey, I still struggle to finish dinner." I tell her. I may be enjoying sharing a snack with her, but that doesn't mean that eating comes easy to me. Last night, Mama Knight made spaghetti and I was absolutely terrified. I kept it hidden really well, but I was truly afraid of putting that food in my body. I ate it, though. Even better, I once again resisted the urge to throw it up. And not just because Mom made me wash my hands in the kitchen!

"I still don't understand why you became anorexic in the first place, though." Camille tells me. "For weeks, I've been struggling to figure it out because I was afraid to ask you."

"I guess I felt like you had broken up with me because I wasn't good enough." I explain. "I figured that maybe you liked Steve because he's more attractive than me."

"Logan, are you crazy? I can't believe you thought that!" Camille says. "You are perfect the way you are! I didn't break up with you because I found Steve more attractive. At the time, I just felt like we had more in common than you and I do, but as I spent more time with him, I started to see how wrong I was. Your appearance had nothing to do with it!"

Wow, now I feel really stupid. If I had known that, I probably wouldn't have ended up in the hospital. I'm not blaming Camille, though. I guess I'm not as smart as I thought I was. I should have known better than to let a breakup get to me. I could have taken my mind off of it by going out with friends or even dating other girls, but I just had to cause near damage to my body.

"Just look at me, okay?" Camille says, gently grabbing my face. "You are adorable, Logan Mitchell. Don't even think otherwise."

Adorable? What am I? A bunny?

"What happened to hot?" I ask her with a small laugh.

"That too." Camille giggles, removing her hands from my cheeks. I never thought that we would ever laugh together again. Really, I was starting to think that our chances of even being friends were doomed. However, it looks like there's a good chance that we might even become a couple again. It's certainly not impossible.

"So...what are we gonna do?" I ask her.

"What do you mean?"

"About us." I add.

"Oh...about us." Camille repeats. "I don't know. What do you wanna do?"

"I was kind of hoping that we could get back together, but I-" Camille cuts me off with a kiss filled with the same passion and love as we always shared before we broke up. My arm wraps around her waist and I happily accept the kiss. It feels so good to do this again, instead of me snapping at her.

"I would love to get back together with you." She whispers before kissing me again.

* * *

"Camille, I need you to promise me something." I say as we arrive at her apartment.

"Anything." She says, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Promise me that you'll never break my heart again." I plead.

"You won't have to worry about that." She assures me. "I don't want us to break up ever again. I love you so much and I feel really stupid for ever ending our relationship. Steve may be a fun guy to hang out with, but he's nothing like you."

Boy, that's a relief. In the earlier stages of my eating disorder, I was so obsessed with the possibility that Steve might actually be better than me. I was wrong, though. Camille still finds me attractive. Now that I think about it, I can't believe that I even cared so much about Steve and the possibility of Camille liking him more than me. Well, I'm not gonna worry about that anymore.

"That's great to her." I rest my forehead against hers. "I love you and I never wanna lose you again."

"WHERE'S CARLOS?!"

We look down the hallway to see Jo, Stephanie, and Lucy walking toward us. Oh no...something tells me that Carlos pulled one of his silly pranks again. For some reason, these three girls are his favorite victims. It probably has something to do with their facial expressions when they get mad. For example, when Lucy gets angry, you can almost see steam coming out of her ears.

"I think he's down at the pool." Camille tells them. Without saying another word, the girls whip around and head back toward the elevator. Then my girlfriend gives me a mischievous smile, reaching for my hand. "My dad isn't home."

"Why does that-whoa!" She suddenly opens the door, dragging me into her apartment. I guess things between us are back to normal. Camille is as mischievous and daring as ever...and manages to both amuse and scare me.

* * *

**I had to put Logiebear and Camille back together because they're adorable:D I hope that this chapter was good and that you all enjoyed it, but the next two chapters will hopefully be even better:) **

**Once this is finished up (which will be soon), I'll start regular updates for Family Affairs:)**

**Review! :D**


	32. Graduation Day

Graduation day is one of the biggest accomplishments in someone's life. I was able to keep up with most of my school world while I was in the hospital, but I did have some catching up to do even when I was released. I managed, though. Now I'm getting ready to accept my high school diploma. How awesome is that? I went from being an anorexic to a soon to be high school graduate.

"Well, look at you." Charleigh says, standing in the doorway of our room. "All handsome and whatnot."

"I'm sure I don't look _that _great." I say, adjusting my tie. Then I walk over to the dresser and reach for my black graduation gown. I just wanna get to the school so I can graduate, then come home. There's gonna be a graduation party in the gym, but I'm not gonna go. My plan is to come straight home and curl up on the couch with a good book.

"If you weren't my brother, I would totally date you."

"That is the weirdest thing you've ever said." I chuckle, slipping the graduate gown over my head. Once I have that on, I place the graduation cap on my head. Okay, now I'm ready to graduate. Anyway, here's a little secret that Charleigh can never know about. I'm secretly kind of surprised that she made it to graduation. She isn't as serious about her school work as I am.

"Don't be rude." Charleigh scolds. I walk over to the dresser and examine myself in the mirror, suddenly feeling a bit anxious. Why can't I get over my issues with my appearance? Everyone compliments me on how healthy I look, but I can't get over my own feelings toward myself. I still have a low body image.

"Hey, you look perfect, okay?" She says gently.

"I just...I'm terrified of my own reflection." I whisper. "I don't look at myself the same way anymore. Every time I look in a mirror, I actually wanna be sick...and I hate it. I wish I could have my old life back."

Charleigh kisses my cheek softly and I turn around to face her, wrapping my arms around her. I kiss her temple before resting my head against hers. I'm glad that she didn't leave me when she found out about my eating disorder. She stood by me through it all, just like everyone else did. If I lost my friends or family, I don't think I could take it.

"I can't believe my two beautiful kids are graduating from high school." Mom says, walking over to us. She kisses each of our cheeks, tears in her eyes. I'll bet that she's gonna be the mom in the front row screaming "THAT'S MY BABY!" And sobbing dramatically, of course. You can definitely expect that from our mom. Chances are, Mama Knight will do the same when Kendall accepts his diploma.

"Don't embarrass us, okay?" Charleigh pleads.

"Charleigh Rae Mitchell, when have I ever embarrassed you or your brother?" Mom asks adamantly.

"Remember when Big Time Rush performed in Minneapolis last year?" I remind her. "You almost ran up onstage after Love Me Love Me to give me a hug. After the concert was over, you actually did run onstage and pictures were all over the internet the next day. I believe that the headlines said 'Logan Mitchell: Mama's Boy'."

"I was proud of you!" Mom says defensively. I grin and reach out to hug her, kissing her cheek. As crazy as she can be, she's still pretty awesome. Anyway, the concert incident was actually kind of funny. Gustavo was so peeved off and he spent an hour after the show lecturing Mom about saving her motherly displays of affection for backstage, not in front of thousands of young girls and their mommies.

BURP!

"Oh, Carlos!" James groans from the living room.

"Alright, we need to get going." Charleigh laughs, reaching for my hand.

* * *

**Joanna's POV**

"I am so proud of those kids." Jennifer says, watching the graduating class walk onto the football field.

"Same here." I agree. My attention is mostly focused on Logan. He looks so much healthier than he did before. Sometimes I still have a hard time believing that my son ever had an eating disorder, but all that matters is that he has gotten better. He doesn't snap at us anymore, he smiles, he laughs, he has silly arguments with Carlos, he got his girlfriend back, and he's graduating from high school.

I'm just as proud of Charleigh. That girl can be ridiculously stubborn sometimes, but she's a good kid. She has only been arrested once and that was when she and the guys fought those security guards at Gustavo's auditions. Apparently, she tried to give one of those guys a wedgie, which I was very shocked to hear.

"They look adorable." Jennifer coos when the graduated finally take their seats in some chairs in the middle of the field.

You know what else I'm excited about? The fact that Logan was chosen as the valedictorian. He deserves that honor. He's such a smart kid and he has always been very devoted to his schoolwork. When he told us that he had been chosen, we had to take him out for a celebration. He has been wanting to visit the aquarium, so that's exactly what we did. He loved it!

"James is looking so fine today." Katie murmurs.

"Kathryn Knight!" Jennifer scolds. She's only twelve years old and she really has no business calling boys "fine" and "sexy." Besides, she always denies that she has a crush on James, but I guess she does after all. However, Jennifer and I are adults, so we're gonna be mature here. I know I'm not about tease a twelve year old girl about her secret crush.

So I just keep my eyes on the graduates, specifically Logan and Charleigh. I can remember when I first found out I was expecting twins. It was a huge surprise, but I was excited. Ryan and I prepared a gorgeous nursery for them and when the twins arrived, I think they loved as much as their mommy and daddy did. It's just too bad that Ryan ended up not being who I thought he was.

That's all over now, though. Now they're graduating from high school and everything is okay.

The most exciting part of the ceremony has to be when the students accept their diplomas. Jennifer actually starts screaming whenever Kendall gets his, managing to embarrass both of her children. I guess I don't have much room to judge, though. Whenever it's Logan and Charleigh's turns, I act pretty crazy myself. You know, screaming, clapping, and jumping up and down.

The same goes for James and Carlos's moms. While their dads just sat still and looked embarrassed, their mothers did what Jennifer and I did. I know we're embarrassing our kids, but it's not like we can help it. We're just so excited, you know? High school graduation is a big accomplishment.

"Hey, people are staring." Katie points out. We quickly shut up and sit back down, not wanting people to think we're crazy.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"Mr. Garcia, we're not gonna let you announce the valedictorian." Principal Williams says.

"Pleeeasssee?"

"No."

"Oh, just let him do it!" Someone begs. "So he'll shut up!"

"Fine!" Principal Williams gives in, letting Carlos step up to the podium. I'm sorry, but I don't think this is such a good idea. It's nice that he wants to introduce me, but I'm not sure what kinds of embarrassing things he might say. He tends to start rambling when he's put in situations like this. Dear God, please don't let him embarrass me.

"Okay, I know that I wasn't originally suppose to be up here talking, but I just had to be the one to introduce our awesome valedictorian. He's smart, funny, and he can be pretty nice most of time. You know, unless you wake him up from a nap." I smack my hand to my face, desperately waiting for Carlos to shut up and introduce me.

"Mr. Garcia, just get on with it." Principal Williams says sternly.

"Alright!" Carlos sighs. "Please welcome my best buddy, Logan Mitchell."

I wave at the audience as I walk to the podium, but Carlos surprises me with a huge hug. He doesn't seem to plan on letting go either. Finally, Kendall and James have to grab him, dragging him back to his seat.

"Well, we did it! We have officially graduated from high school. I know that many of you will be attending college, but some of you might be staying here in LA or going somewhere to start your careers in show business. That's what my three best friends, my sister, and myself plan on doing. You know, I always thought that I would be going to medical school, but instead I'm here in Los Angeles, in a boy band. Who knew that the nerdiest kid in school would end up in a boy band?" That earns a good round of chuckles from the audience. I don't wanna bore them to death, so I tried to add some humor.

"This year has presented quite a few challenges for me." I take a deep breath before speaking again. "If you read the tabloids and watch celebrity gossip channels, you probably know what I'm talking about. Yes, I was anorexic and I did attempt to take my own life. After my suicide attempt, I spent several weeks in a hospital, receiving treatment."

"WE LOVE YOU, LOGIEBEAR!" Charleigh yells.

"I keep telling her that my mom is only allowed to call me that, but she never listens." I shake my head. "Anyway, I still struggle with my eating disorder even today. You know what else? After that, I honestly didn't expect that I would get the honor of being the valedictorian, especially since my grades did slip for a while. However, I think I learned an important lesson. Well, actually two lessons. One, hard work does pay off. Two, no matter what challenges you may face in life, you can always get through it if you really try."

Great, Mom's crying. I can see her dabbing her eyes with a tissue.

"Life will always present some challenges. Chances are, there will be times in our lives where we just feel like giving up. When I was in the hospital, I felt like giving up plenty of times, but here I am. I'm alive and I'm happy. I have my wonderful friends and family supporting me through everything. If you're ever feeling like giving up, just remember the people that care about you. There's always someone to help you through life's challenges. Thank-"

"YOU!" Carlos blurts out.

"I'm sorry." I apologize to the audience. "He drank too much chocolate milk this morning."

Just a few minutes later, we are throwing our graduation caps up in the air.

* * *

**Charleigh's POV**

Instead of getting dressed to attend the school graduation party, Logan got changed into his nightclothes. The guys and I offered to stay with him, but he insisted that we go to the party. We stayed for about an hour, realized that it was no fun without Logan, and headed back to the Palm Woods. When we walk through the doorway, my brother is still reading and he seems to be enjoying it more than the party.

"Hey, buddy!" Kendall says.

"Hey!" Logan says, surprised. "I thought you guys were suppose to be at the party."

"It wasn't any fun without you." James says as we all join him on the couch. I rest my head on my brother's shoulder, feeling extra proud of him today. He gave a wonderful speech today and, more importantly, he beat anorexia. He was right when he talked to the audience about life's challenges. Battling anorexia was a huge challenge for him, but he got through it.

"You could have stayed if you wanted." He tells us.

"We wanna be wherever you are." Carlos replies, reaching out to hug Logan.

"The weirdo's right." I agree, giving him a kiss on the cheek. He smiles softly, closing his book and putting it on the coffee table. Then the doorbell rings. The door opens to reveal Camille, a smile on her face. You know, I still don't know if I'm too crazy about that girl. She and Logan may be back together, but she still hurt him.

"You left the party too?" He asks, surprised.

"It was boring without you there." Camille responds, approaching him. He chuckles and pulls her onto his lap, giving her a loving kiss. I guess that I'm happy as long as he's happy, but that doesn't mean that I have to be close friends with her. That will _never _happen.

* * *

**This was a fun chapter:D Humor, family, and friendship all in one chapter! :D**

**The next chapter will most likely be the last, though:D Then I'll begin updating Family Affairs on a daily basis, but I've also got another story idea that I'm considering:) I'll tell you about it in the next chapter of Struggle For Perfection:D**

**Review! :D**


	33. Skyscraper

I don't know if I'll ever be fully back to normal, but I'm starting to think that I can at least have some normality in my life. Like now, for example. The guys, Charleigh, and I are at the studio where AM LA is filmed. Gustavo arranged for us to perform a new song and do an interview with Shauna White, the newest entertainment reporter. We watched her yesterday and she's pretty awesome. You know, a lot less crazy than Wendy, but still cool.

"Are you nervous?" Kendall asks me.

"A little." I admit. I fix the sleeves on my leather jacket before staring at my reflection in the vanity mirror. To be honest, I'm freaking out. I haven't been on TV in months, so I'm scared that I might embarrass myself. I know that Shauna will probably ask about my eating disorder and my suicide attempt, which I have a hard time talking about.

"If she asks you about you know what, just tell her to mind her own business." Charleigh suggests.

"I can't do that." I respond. Charleigh places a black baseball cap on my head, backwards. I breathe deeply, still watching my reflection. The sad thing is that I still have a hard time looking at myself. I know that I'm not fat, but sometimes I'm scared to look at my reflection. I'm always scared of what I might see.

"I can't believe that we're about to meet the hottest reporter on television." James says, yelping when Charleigh punches his bicep. She has been making her interest in him much more obvious lately. I wish they would just get together already. I can't say that I don't feel a bit overprotective of my sister, but I also want her to be happy. Something tells me that she'll be thrilled if she and James ever become a couple.

"Aww, you boys look so adorable." Two arms wrap around my waist. If Camille was hoping to surprise me, she didn't do a very good job at it. Considering that we're in front of a mirror, I could see her coming behind me. But I'm just happy that she's here. She recently started filming scenes for a new movie, so we haven't been able to spend a lot of time together.

"DOGS, GET YOUR BUTTS TO THE STAGE NOW!" Gustavo screams.

"I guess you better get going." Camille says, giving me a kiss. I happily return the gesture before Carlos reaches for my wrist, pulling me out the door. Alright, here goes nothing.

* * *

"Wow, Big Time Rush." Shauna says. "I am such a big fan."

"Well, we watched you yesterday and we were very impressed." Carlos says, getting closer to her.

"Sweetie, I'm twenty nine." Shauna replies. "I'm too old for you."

Since we're on live TV, I have to resist rolling my eyes. Only Carlos would have the guts to flirt with an older woman in front of millions of viewers. He can be pretty forward sometimes. Unfortunately, that doesn't always work in his favor. Sometimes he ends up with a smoothie thrown in his face.

"Anyway, let's talk about relationships." Shauna says. "Kendall, I know you've been dating Jo Taylor. By the way, you two are a lovely couple. What about the rest of you? Who is that special person in your life?"

"I'm single." Carlos sighs. "I'll probably grow old, live in a cottage with forty cats, and die alone."

"Ignoring that," James says slowly. "As of right now, I'm single too, but there is a special girl that I would love to be in a relationship with."

"And I have an awesome girlfriend." I answer. "She's actually in the audience right now."

I give Camille a wave and she blows me a kiss. Gosh, I hope I'm not blushing. The last thing I need is for the guys to tease me in front of a live TV audience. I'm already worried about talking about my stint in the hospital and, more specifically, why I was there. I don't need anything else to panic about.

"Logan, I hope you don't mind me asking about something a little more personal." Shauna says. "You were in the news quite a bit just a while back after you were taken to the hospital after a reported suicide attempt."

"Um, yeah." I reply. "I _was_ in the hospital. I basically had a complete meltdown. I was starving myself, I was binging and purging, and it drove me insane. I finally snapped and I attempted to take my own life. Luckily, my family got me to the hospital and I got the help that I needed. I was so angry at the time, but I was able to thank them later. They saved my life."

"What about the drug rumors?"

Ugh, did she really have to ask that? The guys and I already confirmed that those rumors were completely false. Of course, I guess it would be rude of me to not answer the question. I'll give the easy answer.

"Those rumors weren't true." I reply. _Okay, I answered. Now, can we finish this? I wanna go home._

"Also, when can we expect to hear about a marriage proposal from you to this wonderful girlfriend of yours?"

Okay, now she has really lost it. Camille and I have already agreed that we won't be getting married for a very long time. Now, if we could talk about something else besides meltdowns and relationships, that would be great.

* * *

**Charleigh's POV**

"I can't believe that Shauna asked Logan if he was gonna propose to you." Lucy says.

"Neither can I." Camille says, shaking her head. "We've already decided that it's gonna be a few more years before we even consider marriage."

Yeah, but there's also the fact that I still don't like her. If she ever becomes my sister in-law, I might actually have to throw the world's biggest tantrum. I just wanna keep my attention focused on the guys, who are performing their brand new song, but now that stupid interviewer has the thought of a Logan/Camille wedding stuck in my head. I don't even wanna think about it. It makes me cringe.

"Charleigh, when are you gonna tell James how you feel about him?" Jo asks me. Shut up, Blondie. Just shut up.

"I'm not." I say tightly.

"If you like him, you should tell him." Stephanie encourages me. Okay, I'm not gonna say anything about any possible crush I have on James. Yes, I may be somewhat interested in him, but that doesn't mean that I'm gonna tell him anything. As far as I know, this crush is gonna stay my secret. And if anyone says a thing about it to James, I will give them a wedgie and hang them from the hanger on some bathroom stall.

"Just shut up and watch the show." I say calmly. "Please."

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"That's a wrap!"

I feel incredibly relieved that the show is over. I did have fun performing, but I wasn't that crazy about the interview part. I hated the questions Shauna asked about my meltdown. I would rather put that all behind me, but I guess that I really can't. Chances are, people will always remember the time that Logan Mitchell went completely insane.

"You boys were amazing." Mama Knight says, pulling us into a group hug.

"Logie, your voice is as beautiful as ever." Mom says sweetly, kissing my nose.

"Thanks, mama." I whisper, wrapping my arms around her. Then she pulls away and lets Charleigh step in. I smile and kiss my sister's cheek, glancing at James from the corner of my eyes. James is watching us, but mostly Charleigh. So I pull away and give her a look of encouragement.

"Go for him." I whisper, giving her hand a squeeze.

"But-"

"Just go." I laugh, pushing her in James's direction. From a distance, I watch her approach James. All I want is for my loved ones to be happy. I never thought I would say this, but James and Charleigh belong together, just like Camille and I do.

It takes a few minutes, but James finally grabs Charleigh and pulls her into the most passionate and loving kiss. I've been trying to be less emotional, but I can't help tearing up a little bit. It's nice to feel happiness again. During the months that I spent battling anorexia, I was absolutely miserable. Now I'm finally happy again...and my happiness is actually genuine.

"Now we just need to get Carlitos a girlfriend." Kendall tells me.

I chuckle, glancing over at Carlos. He's having a real good time with that snack table.

"Yeah." I agree. "But let's not rush it."

"Why not? You, James, and I all have girlfriends now, while Carlos is still single. We could play matchmaker and he could have someone by Valentine's Day."

"We're not interfering in his personal life." I grin. "Now, let's get something to eat. I'm _starving._"

Kendall returns the smile. "It's really great to hear you say that."

"Yeah," I nod. "And it feels great too."

We join Carlos at the snack table. For the first time, I'm not afraid to eat. I can actually pick up a cookie and not wanna throw up. Yeah, I still struggle with my eating disorder, but it gets easier every day. I have so many amazing people in my life that help me through each day. Whenever I feel the temptation to return to my old ways, I remind myself that I always have someone to talk to. I'll never be alone.

* * *

**Yep, this is the last chapter:( I don't really know what to say, except that I'm really glad that you all have been enjoying this. It dealt with a very serious problem and I was excited to write about it. Now, I am gonna start daily updates for Family Affairs, but I also have another story idea that I would like to start soon. I think you all will enjoy it:)**

**_After his sister dies in a car accident, seventeen year old Logan gains custody of his six year old niece. A family moves into the apartment next door and he meets their son, James, who happens to be deaf. The two boys develop an unexpected friendship, learning some important life lessons along the way._**

**__So...you like it? You want me to write it:D**

**Also, please review this chapter:)**


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